Possibly want to homeschool but husband is not supportive

[EmmieAZ]

Hi ladies. After our first child was born I was pretty convinced that I would at least give homeschooling a try. DH wasn't supportive, but also not adamently opposed. Or at least he saw it as a non-issue at that point since we still had time. Anyway, we had some marital problems over this past year that caused me to rethink the SAHM/Homeschool position for myself. We had a "near divorce scare" where DH actually left for a short time. I panicked trying to figure out how to support the kids on my own and settled on nursing school. This is somthing that I have always felt I would like to do anyway. Well, DH and I did work things out, but I also think he was kind of attracted to me being a career woman (he was having an emotional affair with a coworker). I also think the thought of having me "out there in the real world" where I would be around others i.e., men, kind of shook him too. Well, I started taking some courses online to prepare for applying for nursing school and was pretty sure that was what I would do. I thought that homeschooling just wasn't any longer for me. Well, now my DD has started preschool and I am having a really hard time with the thought of her being away next year at kindergarten all day. So homeschooling has been on my mind again lately for that and more reasons. I actually have a BA in elementary ed as well. However, when I mentioned this to my husband he thinks I am just having a hard time "letting go" of my kids. And maybe that is part of it, but really, why should I have to? Why should I have to send them away to let the, be essentially raised by strangers and other children? But I think the issue is that he wants me to work. Not just for the money, but I think he is somehow less attracted to me in the SAHM/HS role than he would be if I were working outside the home. I know he would have no problem if I were to use my degree to teach other people's children, but if I want to teach my own he sees it as me being a religious nut. BTW, we are not on the same page spiritually either. He says he believes, but there has been no fruit that I have seen.

I know that I owuld get my way if I pushed the issue with him, but I'm scared of where that would leave our marriage. I seriously feel as if I have to choose - either sacrifice my kids and my relationship with them by sending them into the lion's den that is the public school system and keep my husband happy, or sacrifice my marriage (and therefor have to work and send kids to p. school by possible divorce) by homeschooling.

Have any of you ever dealt with a similar situation? I feel so lost. I want to do what is best for my kids, but at what cost?

[topekaclark]

Your email included a lot of dynamics to consider. I don't want to preach to you but will say a couple needs to be equally yoked. In the beginning of our marriage we weren't equally yoke, caused a lot of problems in our relationship.

I am a hs mom and see the many blessings that have come out of being with my children and teaching them. My spouse and I are on the same page though.

I hear your question but I believe hs is one of the problems in your relationship. I don't have an answer for you. I'm sorry. I do believe since you walk with God, you & God need to have an heart to heart. Keep praying for your spouse. Honestly, with hs God is the one who lead us because I honestly never gave it any consideration even though our children were showing problems in school. He opened the doors not me. I'm just doing his will.

I will keep you an your family in our prayers for support and guidance. Sorry for not being able to give you an direction on homeschooling.

Kellie:hug

[Khristy1]

How about a good Christian school? If there were anyway possible, my kids would not be in public school. It is horrendous.

[funmudder]

Briefly: If it's an attraction/need thing he is experiencing, just going to work is not going to help anything. Thats pinning the blame on a temporary excuse of "If you only" which will change as you change to accommodate.

Sounds like there is a much deeper issue going on that you and your husband need to take to a trusted leader in the church for marital counciling.

Homeschooling helped us develop a much closer relationship with our 5 children. Far and away closer than what we had with our own parents who worked full time and only saw us after they were tired from a long day.

[Aneriz]

I think your husband has to seek God and listen carefully for instruction (or even counseling, like funmudder suggested) about being the head of the family and leading with wisdom. He has just gone thru a lot (as have you).

In the meantime, pray, pray , pray. Your whole schooling future does not have to be decided in the first year of the children's school experience. It might take a couple years to sort the hs out, and your daughter will gain a bit of independence and appreciation for the time spent with you. You sound like a loving mother, and she will be OK.

In regards to the career option for you, let me share something that I learned in hard-knock school: GOD DOES NOT NEED A MAILMAN! He speaks directly to US thru His Holy Spirit. Seek God's counsel first!

What we do with our lives should be for HIS pleasure. Our offering in worship to Him. Please don't become a career person just to fit a mold or emotionally compete with an image in you DH head. Those reasons will bring you to a dead end, because they can not support the demands that you are going to encounter.

In closing let me just add that my biggest resource in dealing with those same questions is a spot in a corner of my room at 6am. Make an appointment with God and BE THERE. He never fails to show up, and he has answers to all of your questions.

[Kathe]

You have 2 different issues going on here.

1. The fidelity of your husband and the relationship between the two of you. This has nothing to do with whether you homeschool or not and to use it as a reason for or against is not in the best interest of your family. In this area you need prayer and the grace of God. I would suggest getting the book, Power of a Praying Wife and pray through that, asking God for help in your marriage and to help you be the godly wife He intended you to be.

2. As for homeschooling. My husband homeschools our two youngest, 6 and 8. We made the decision last fall after putting our other four children through both public and Christian schools. We took the verse about raising up your children from Proverbs literally and realized that we were allowing other people without our same moral standards and biblical standards to spend more time teaching our children than we were, so we made the decision to homeschool. My husband does it because he is the stay home parent and I run our businesses.

You need to make this decision for or against homeschooling in the best interests of your children, not based on whether or not your husband will have an affair.

And your marriage needs a lot of prayer. Only God can keep your husband from straying. Only He has the power necessary to turn your husband into a godly husband.

Kathe

[adam423]

When we chose homeschooling this past year, we made a mutual decision too. Like Kathe, my husband is the stay at home parent with the kids. But I do the leg work of setting up the lessons, making sure they get done, and being teacher.

My daughter was in 7th grade and public school was really hurting her..awful curriculm, teasing from other kids, problems with non-Christian friends. Our decision was based on what was best for our child.

Without your husband's support, I think the first thing you should do is find a local homeschool support group. They can help you find resources, plus give you the support that your husband isn't giving you in your quest to make the best decision for your child. Plus cover yourself and family in prayer. God is a wonderful support Person also.

I'll pray for you.

[wife]

If your husband isn't in full support of it, then it will be hard. Especially if he is the type to make your life hard. Personally I would have a hard time Homeschooling if my husband was not in agreement. They are his kids too and I think that we should be in agreement.

If you think pushing him to agree would hurt your marriage then don't do it...
You could start now, with teaching her a few things, if your husband sees what she is learning and that she is learning from you then he might see the fruit of homeschooling. I know lots of homeschooling moms that did it this way. Just work with her on a casual basis, flash cards, color sheets, stuff like that. And pray pray pray. If God wants you to homeschool, then he will turn the heart of your husband