How do you talk to a grieving friend?

[jorjean]

I was on the phone today with a lady who has just lost her husband of 30 years. She is in such pain. I didn't know what to say to comfort her. There really are no words that will make this better. She is a Christian and so was her husband. She knows in her head that he is with The Lord, but she misses him. To top if off she has older children that are nosing around for what ever money "dad might have left mom".
I told her to ask for help from the Lord each day and to know that the only way out is through. The pain gets bearable as time goes by.
I know there are no pat easy answers, I was just asking for some feed back.

[bluedonner]

I lost my husband very suddenly a few years back. I was left with two small children (and a broken heart). The people that helped me the most didn't try to have all the answers, or make everything better. They just listened and let me know that they cared. A simple "how are you doing" or "I am thinking of you and praying for you" is a tremendous comfort.

One thing I would mention is that someone who loses a loved one often gets a lot of support and help right away. In a few weeks or months, it is less so as I guess people's attention naturally turns to other things. I think you should continue to listen and express your support as time goes on. In my case, several months after my husband's death, an elderly gentlemen who had been in my husband's group at church said to me, "We miss your husband." It meant a lot to me that people still remembered him and that he had meant something to them, too.

Jorjean, it sounds to me like you are doing the right things. God bless you as you continue to minister to this woman.

YSIC,
Bluedonner

[jadeeyes]

What Bluedonner said. When you're grieving, you're not really expecting others to have all the answers or know all the right things to say. You need someone who will listen. Don't say, "I know how you feel", if you don't. If your friend needs to cry, let her and don't think you have to say or do something that will make her stop crying. Also, don't be afraid to cry with her. Give her a call from time to time to see how she's doing and to see if ther's anything she needs. Chances are she's going to be dealing with some loneliness and just having a cup of coffee with a friend might be just what she needs. I know an elderly woman in my church who lost her husband in a flood about a decade ago. I might have a talk with her and see if she can give me any insights. Excellent Question.

[BlessedinHim]

Just being a listening ear can be a great comfort. Knowing that you care about her and are praying with/for her. A shoulder to lean on. There isnt really too many words for us to express how helpless we feel in these situations. Give her hugs when you can and just keep on being a friend. Be prepared for a wet shoulder.

I think you are on the right track.

[Sing4Him]

what wonderful expressions here of Jesus' love. :hug

'a little cake, brownies or even a casserole to freeze helps too!

May the Lord bless you as you comfort others.. (spiritual gift)

[Lynn]

JorJean, there are some things that only time will make better. God, in His infinite wisdom, created us in such a way that even when a devastating event such as the death of a loved one occurs, we find that as time passes, the sense of pain is a little lighter, though we still miss them, of course. But the pain is no longer the crushing weight that it once was, threatening our very ability to function.

Your dear friend might benefit from a study that Nancy Leigh DeMoss is doing right now on Habakkuk. The website is www.reviveourhearts.com In this study, she gives some commentary that would bless anyone who is going through any kind of affliction or difficulty. Your grieving friend is blessed to have you in her life right now.

[Dolly]

If you don't know what to say, be honest and tell her exactly that. Also, don't be afraid to talk about him. It's so hard when people are obviously avoiding the subject. We had a baby stillborn at term, and I could write a very thick book about what NOT to say!

[jorjean]

Thank you all so much for you loving kind words. Grief is such a private on-going thing. In this microwave generation everyone expects us to get over lose of a loved one in a week or two. I lost my baby brother 2 years ago to cancer. I think of him daily. This precious woman who lost her husband, is only 2 months into her grieving, and already has people saying to her "move forward, get rid of his things". She is not ready, and each new assault brings on the tears. That is where she was today. Again, thank you.:pray

[BlessedinHim]

My fil didnt get rid of his late wifes things for over 2 years. It is a personal decision for her and those telling her to move on just need to leave her alone when it comes to the time needed for her grieving.

I have had to go through my moms stuff, and if I could, I would put it off for a while, but due to uncontrollable circumstances......

The hardest part was the clothes.... I just really dont know what to do with a lot of stuff. She isnt gonna know what to do with things either for a while. She needs whatever time she needs to go through the process of grieving. Stick by her.

[jadeeyes]

When my Dad died several years ago, due to circumstances beyond our control, we had to get rid of almost everything Dad owned, though it wasn't much. It was so hard to do because we could not yet see past our grief. I did keep 1 thing though. When I was a little girl, I had made him a pencil holder out of an old plastic container I decorated with contact paper. The thing was hideous, but Dad had kept it all those years. I didn't have the heart to get rid of it. Anyway, back to your friend. She needs to have a friend who will allow her to grieve in her own time. If she wants to hold on to her husband's things for 2 more weeks or 2 more decades, that's ok. She might want to keep his things for the rest of her life.That's ok, too. She may not grieve exactly the same way anyone else does, but that doesn't mean her way is wrong.