extremely discouraged

[heart_changed99]

My 3 year old is very rebellious, as is most toddlers his age. But when will it end? I can't get him to sit down and engage him in anything long enough without him wanting to take the reigns and do things his way. I try to give him instructions, but he looks right through me. How am I going to be able to homeschool him if he won't listen?!

We have a homeschooling group co-op class for the preschoolers and so on. He is the only child that seems to act out and not listen to the teacher. I'm not trying to be hard on my son, I just observe it to be true. The other children are well behaved and sit contently while he has to constantly be moving and talking. I've failed as a parent! I've failed in more ways than I can count and I've let other people dictate my parenting.

The devil knows I want to raise a Godly family and he continuouly comes against that. It started from day one of his birth and has been a cycle since. A never ending, exhausting cycle!

I feel so alone because my husband is ready to forfeit and send him to public school/preschool when he gets of age. What do I do? I don't feel confident in my ability to homeschool because he doesn't feel confident in me.

I'm ready to just break down and cry. :sob

[MidnightCry]

:hug

Just saying what I would do, considering I don't really know you or the situation . . . try having him tested for food intolerances/allergies. If it's been going on since birth, it COULD very likely be something he's eating is affecting his personality. I've seen it in our family and scores of others. You'd need a good naturopath for this testing.

Then go from there.

[heart_changed99]

:hug

Just saying what I would do, considering I don't really know you or the situation . . . try having him tested for food intolerances/allergies. If it's been going on since birth, it COULD very likely be something he's eating is affecting his personality. I've seen it in our family and scores of others. You'd need a good naturopath for this testing.

Then go from there.

Thanks, I'll look into it! :hug

[Up Please]

He's so little and there's time for schooling later. Preschool is absolutely unnecessary for development. You can teach him everythng he needs at home and it doesn't have to be done now. Wait till he's older and ready. Just play with him and work on following simple directions. You can get him to help around the house with little jobs - sticker chart etc. I'm of the opinion (based on research when I started homeschooling) that we push our kids way too early with formal schooling. A lot of boys have a hard time sitting still, holding a pencil, and readying till they are 9-10. There is no rush. The beauty of homeschooling is you go at what pace is good for your family.

[MidnightCry]

He's so little and there's time for schooling later. Preschool is absolutely unnecessary for development. You can teach him everythng he needs at home and it doesn't have to be done now. Wait till he's older and ready. Just play with him and work on following simple directions. You can get him to help around the house with little jobs - sticker chart etc. I'm of the opinion (based on research when I started homeschooling) that we push our kids way too early with formal schooling. A lot of boys have a hard time sitting still, holding a pencil, and readying till they are 9-10. There is no rush. The beauty of homeschooling is you go at what pace is good for your family.

Excellent advice! If you do not have the foundation of obedience/good behavior down before you start schooling, you will go insane.

[House of Light]

Sounds like he is just not ready to do the "sit down stuff" yet. I have a four yr old...and he just can't sit for more than a few moments. We do simple games....such as...

I explained to him that letters were very noisy(he loves noise!) M's make mmmmmm sounds when we jump over them(I made large flash cards with different letters). S's make sssssssssss sounds when we jump over them. We only do a few letters at a time, and we place them all over the floor and jump over....and of course he makes the letters make their noise.

[heart_changed99]

Sounds like he is just not ready to do the "sit down stuff" yet. I have a four yr old...and he just can't sit for more than a few moments. We do simple games....such as...

I explained to him that letters were very noisy(he loves noise!) M's make mmmmmm sounds when we jump over them(I made large flash cards with different letters). S's make sssssssssss sounds when we jump over them. We only do a few letters at a time, and we place them all over the floor and jump over....and of course he makes the letters make their noise.

that's a great idea!

[CircleSlide]

I have three children, two girls and one boy. My son is autistic and did horrible, I mean just horrible in preschool then did even worse in private school, then even worse in public school. Finally we brought him home and it was not easy at all. In fact it was pretty bad.

Believe my I have been on that treadmill of "it's my fault". Your post reminded me of so much we went through with our own son. I remember crying and crying, but my dh kept saying God has a plan, we just don't know what it is!

But he also grew up (he is now 13) a lot, and improved so much, it is still a struggle but he has developed some self control now that wasn't there before which helps him (and me) so much.

I can tell you what I wish I had done when he was little
* developed more realistic goals for him (my goals where far too high and just made it painful for him, who cares if he couldn't read by age 7, he can read now and does fine)
* focused on his strengths instead of his weaknesses (once again I tried to fix everything and somethings I just can't fix, like his loud voice he speaks in, or is inability to sit, his constant need to cover his ears)
* Let him get control of himself before I talk to him about his behavior (sounds easy but it's not. I have to remember to give him time to compose himself before I talk to him.)
* Set schedules, so he knows what is coming next (it can be loose but that way he knows it ends. My son once told me the best thing he learned was that everything ends! So if he is doing something he doesn't like, he knows when it is going to end and can focus on that)
* Finally, allow him to explore something that he is good at, and develop some self confidence. (My son happens to excel in history, and visual memory)

Just remember that every child develops at different times, some take huge leaps of growth while other chug a long. One of the things I regret most for our son is ever sending him to a school setting; all that did was make him feel stupid because he couldn't sit still or couldn't learn like the other kids.

Today in my own home we had some struggles and I found this quote:

" I am beginning to suspect all elaborate and special systems of education. They seem to me to be built upon the supposition that every child is a kind of idiot who must taught to think. Whereas if the child is left to himself, he will think more and better, if less slowly. Let him come and go freely, let him touch real things and combine his impressions for himself, instead of sitting indoors at a little round table while a sweet-voiced teacher suggest that he build a stone wall with his wooden blocks, or make a rainbow out of strips of colored paper, or plant straw trees in flower pots. Such teaching fills the mind with artificial associations that must be got rid of before the child can develop independent ideas out of actual experiences. "
-- Anne Sullivan

It seemed to fit my day!
God Bless you, and remember this is HARD work!

[bookworm1711]

I'm with you on how frustrating three year olds and even one and two year olds can be.

I had heard from several of Dr. James Dobson's programs and books that some children are "strong willed."

My oldest child was just that from the very beginning. And now, at age 27, he is still just that same way. I thought a child would "grow out of it." Perhaps some do, but mine did not. He learned to read very well before he was two years old, and knew his alphabet by age 16 months. That was an accident, and I discovered it by accident when one of my former public school students brought his four year old daughter over and had her say her alphabet to me. When she finished, my son said, "I can do that." And he stood there in diapers and said the alphabet perfectly. He had learned it by my playing with him when I "sang" the alphabet to him.

My youngest son showed his character even before he learned to talk. He was kind, gentle, considerate, and insisted on fairness. If he heard we were looking for something, and he knew where it was (he generally did), he crawled or toddled to where he knew it was and retrieved it for us. But he could not learn how to read.

He did not learn how to read until he was age ten, though we all worked hard to help him with reading before then. About age ten he really blossomed. He liked computers, and he taught himself how to program them. At about age 13 he wrote a commercial business program for a local meat packing company which they still use to run their retail store. Now my son is the Vice President of a company that does essential business nationwide, and wrote the software they use. The little company brings in over three million dollars a year as a result.

When my youngest son was very young, a local mathematics teacher, an "in-law," said he was retarded and would never amount to anything. Others said he had a speech impediment and I should have him treated.

I did not respond to the negative comments and observations. I knew enough both from my own college training and my experience as a reading specialist in public school that they were mistaken. I knew that speech irregularities are common and work themselves out as the child gets older. I knew that some boys are "late starters" when it comes to learning to read, so it did not concern me at all. Now, from what I've told you, you can see I was absolutely correct.

An author by the name of Raymond Moore wrote some books that have been helpful to home schooling families. He stressed that children do not always learn at the same time or the same rate, or even learn at the same age. He stressed that some boys learn to read much later. When I read his books, that confirmed my own judgment.

(former homeschooling Dad, who, I just noted, has been given encouragement to go ahead and post about home schooling in the "ladies forum"!)

[markofthebest]

I have 4 children - and none of them, at 3, were ready for sit down learning. Three is a time for physical learning - exploring the world, looking at bugs, chasing frogs, coloring not inside the lines yet.

Slow down and enjoy this stage - once it's gone, it's gone forever.