Krayola
August 23rd, 2007, 06:06 PM
Hi, I need some advice. First let me give you the background of the situation. All of the parties involved are Christians. My male cousin, (age late 30's) came from out of state to visit. His truck developed engine problems. He was short on cash. My elderly mother loaned him the money for repairs (wasn't huge amount, less than $100 I think)
A couple of nights ago, we were all visiting my sister's home. My mom was absent. During the course of the evening, my brother (age early 50's) became verbally abusive and behaved with great disrespect towards my visiting cousin. My sister and I were both in the room and we confronted my brother about his behavior towards my cousin, basically asking brother to stop berating our cousin, etc. The conflict revolved around problems that the mechanic was having with my cousin's truck and my brother was usurping my cousin's role in the decision making process (regarding repairs).
My brother would talk things over with the mechanic but then not share the info with my cousin, he'd tell my cousin to hush / shut up if he tried to ask about the truck, which was frustrating to my cousin as he felt left in the dark. Upon being confronted about his belligerent behaviour, my brother said (several times) that since my mother was paying for the repairs then she was involved and thus, by extension, my brother was involved and that his actions / behaviour were justified.
Now I don't mind him wanting to look out for Mom, just didn't like him treating a guest so disgracefully, and without going into all the sordid details, trust me, it was truly demeaning. My sister and I are so ashamed and grieved that a guest and family member was treated this way. My brother was so out of control, that my sister & bro-in-law were on the verge of asking my brother to remove himself from the home that evening. Just want to emphasize that it went way beyond a family argument.
My question is this, should I say anything to Mom about all of this? If I were in her shoes, I'd be upset if someone abused someone else and then justified the abuse by saying he was doing it on my behalf. I would not like him using the pretext of "looking out for me" to justify his sin. I would want someone to tell me. But I also want to make sure I'm not running behind my brother's back to gossip or "tattle-tale" about him to my Mom. The only reason I am pondering saying anything to Mom is because my brother was presenting himself as being my Mom's representative during the whole mess (hope this makes sense.) Any advice is appreciated!
A couple of nights ago, we were all visiting my sister's home. My mom was absent. During the course of the evening, my brother (age early 50's) became verbally abusive and behaved with great disrespect towards my visiting cousin. My sister and I were both in the room and we confronted my brother about his behavior towards my cousin, basically asking brother to stop berating our cousin, etc. The conflict revolved around problems that the mechanic was having with my cousin's truck and my brother was usurping my cousin's role in the decision making process (regarding repairs).
My brother would talk things over with the mechanic but then not share the info with my cousin, he'd tell my cousin to hush / shut up if he tried to ask about the truck, which was frustrating to my cousin as he felt left in the dark. Upon being confronted about his belligerent behaviour, my brother said (several times) that since my mother was paying for the repairs then she was involved and thus, by extension, my brother was involved and that his actions / behaviour were justified.
Now I don't mind him wanting to look out for Mom, just didn't like him treating a guest so disgracefully, and without going into all the sordid details, trust me, it was truly demeaning. My sister and I are so ashamed and grieved that a guest and family member was treated this way. My brother was so out of control, that my sister & bro-in-law were on the verge of asking my brother to remove himself from the home that evening. Just want to emphasize that it went way beyond a family argument.
My question is this, should I say anything to Mom about all of this? If I were in her shoes, I'd be upset if someone abused someone else and then justified the abuse by saying he was doing it on my behalf. I would not like him using the pretext of "looking out for me" to justify his sin. I would want someone to tell me. But I also want to make sure I'm not running behind my brother's back to gossip or "tattle-tale" about him to my Mom. The only reason I am pondering saying anything to Mom is because my brother was presenting himself as being my Mom's representative during the whole mess (hope this makes sense.) Any advice is appreciated!