How to give marital advice to an unsaved friend

[EmmieAZ]

Hi ladies. My new-ish friend (moved to our neighborhood about 6 months ago) is having marital problems. In a nutshell, her husband is having an emotional affair. She first came to me about this b/c I had shared with her that my DH did the same thing. It is almost like deja-vu, but she is not saved. I know that it was the Lord who got me through that time, and I know it was an answer to many prayers (mine and other Christians) that woke DH up and brought him home a changed man. Our marriage is better than ever now. God truly does use all things for good

But how do I tell her? She knows I am a Christian, and I fully intend to tell her what I believe saved our marriage and family, but she has made comments before about an old friend of hers who "got all religious on her." She is the type who isn't opposed to Christianity, it's "just not her thing." I just want to be a good friend and an effective witness at the same time. And I don't want to come off as sounding like her marriage is hopeless because she isn't a Christian - KWIM? I don't want to sound like I am using her troubles as an excuse to get preachy with her. How do you share the love of the Lord with a hurting friend who doesn't really want to hear about it?

[TravisandJill]

Well Just pray and lead by example. Since biblically she is not bound to stay married to her husband anymore (affair), maybe provide her with resources or books should she decide to leave him. I would not judge her if she doesnt want to stay married anymore.


Matthew 5

28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


Emotional affairs are adultury too...if infact worse than physical ones

[EmmieAZ]

I would not judge her regardless of what she decides. Had it not been for my faith I probably would have left. I just want to be a good friend and a good witness.

[ByHisGrace]

At the same time there is something powerful about a testimony. So you might say, "I know "religion" isn't your thing but in all honesty it was truly my faith in Christ that got me through that time"...(and go on from there, saying what you did, how you felt, what God did and how great your marriage is today). Maybe take her out for coffee and pie or something.

I bet she will be all ears. If she decides from there she wants to leave him, okay fine. But definitely pray for the opportunity to share your testimony with her at least. You never know how God will use you.

[rose4christ]

I am a christin woman and I am in a great relationship but sometimes I get sceard that I am not doing everything the right way. See I was in a very bad relationship for 16 years and no matter what I did I got beaten for and I am so afaird to do anything now for that fear is still in me. I prayed for the man that I am with now and God sent him to me and I really believe that he is the most perfect man for me and I have to do everything perfect for him but alot of times I feel that I fall short of be perfect. What do I need to do????? Can anyone tell me.... I pray about it all the time and God has answered alot of my prayers already..... Thank You Rose4Christ.

[Jennie]

:hug I hope you have a chance to witness to friend :) I have a friend who is an atheist and I love her dearly....I tell her that I know where she stands but that I am praying for her if she's having a hard time etc...she always tells me that she likes that because she knows I love her. Recently I felt the urge, really strong inside me, to witness to her. I had no clue how to bring it up but knew I had to do it or I would have no peace. I said a prayer then called her up. She was sad about something on the news and asked me how I get through all of the bad stuff :yeah that was my opening and I took it!! I told her I know how she feels BUT I felt compelled to tell her that Jesus was the only way I could get over the bad things because someday He'll come back and all of the bad stuff will be no more :) We talked a while and even though she didn't jump to believe, she listened, I know I did what I had to do, planted that seed :)

[lbeels]

I am a christin woman and I am in a great relationship but sometimes I get sceard that I am not doing everything the right way. See I was in a very bad relationship for 16 years and no matter what I did I got beaten for and I am so afaird to do anything now for that fear is still in me. I prayed for the man that I am with now and God sent him to me and I really believe that he is the most perfect man for me and I have to do everything perfect for him but alot of times I feel that I fall short of be perfect. What do I need to do????? Can anyone tell me.... I pray about it all the time and God has answered alot of my prayers already..... Thank You Rose4Christ.

This is alot of pressure to put on yourself. It would probably be a good idea to resolve some of your past abuse with christian counseling. Be patient because it could take quite a while to get through the pain of what you've been through. I've been through years of counseling in the past and it certainly helped, but also your relationship with Christ is key.

We live in the grace of Jesus Christ and we can't possibly be perfect in anything. However, when the Holy Spirit lives in us we can accomplish things through His power that would not be possible without Him. It's possible that you may have a spritual stronghold in trying to be perfect and need to break free from that.

Good resources that I have found helpful is Beth Moore's books, Breaking Free and Praying God's Word. Breaking Free is about how to break free from spiritual strongholds and Praying God's Word gives a list of scripture verses to help in the Breaking Free process using God's Word.

Hope this helps

[GreenEyedLady]

But how do I tell her? She knows I am a Christian, and I fully intend to tell her what I believe saved our marriage and family, but she has made comments before about an old friend of hers who "got all religious on her." She is the type who isn't opposed to Christianity, it's "just not her thing." I just want to be a good friend and an effective witness at the same time. And I don't want to come off as sounding like her marriage is hopeless because she isn't a Christian - KWIM? I don't want to sound like I am using her troubles as an excuse to get preachy with her. How do you share the love of the Lord with a hurting friend who doesn't really want to hear about it?

I have found during soul winning that those who do not want to hear about the Lord should not be forced to hear about the Lord. If someone slams a door in my face or gives me the "Man I wish she would get out of here vibe" I leave them alone. I believe marriage IS hopeless without Christ. We are nothing without Him, so if we don't have him, our marriages are nothing.
I would find out why it "isn't her thing" Does she think she can do things on her own? Does she thing she is strong enough? Does she think she is too "cool" for the Lord? What is it? Be forward in that and ask her. Just go for the main issue here. Don't beat around the bush dropping hints she will never pick up. Have the talk, ask the questions and then see what happens. If the door opens for you to talk to her more deeply regarding salvation then go for it, if not, pray for her and leave it at that.

I wanted to add, an "emotional" affair is not the same thing as adultery but it an lead to adultery. I would not ever advise a divorce or a separation in a marriage unless it is violent. What GOD had formed together, let no man take apart. Even if there is a physical adultery issue I would still advise the woman or the man to remain if the adulter is willing to work it out. God can BLESS the worst things in a marriage and turn them into something wonderful. Sometimes when the person who committs adultery comes out and admits their sin, that is the point in which they are ready to change, to advise someone to leave that person is unwise because they don't know what God is going to do next. God can change anyone and any marriage!

[GreenEyedLady]

I am a christin woman and I am in a great relationship but sometimes I get sceard that I am not doing everything the right way. See I was in a very bad relationship for 16 years and no matter what I did I got beaten for and I am so afaird to do anything now for that fear is still in me. I prayed for the man that I am with now and God sent him to me and I really believe that he is the most perfect man for me and I have to do everything perfect for him but alot of times I feel that I fall short of be perfect. What do I need to do????? Can anyone tell me.... I pray about it all the time and God has answered alot of my prayers already..... Thank You Rose4Christ.

We are not perfect and we never will be. You must get counseling for your past relationship before you move forward in this relationship. I also think that the both of you should get marital counseling before you go any further. I think this "perfect for you man" deserves that and so do you. How long have you been saved rose4christ?

[TravisandJill]

I wanted to add, an "emotional" affair is not the same thing as adultery but it an lead to adultery. I would not ever advise a divorce or a separation in a marriage unless it is violent. What GOD had formed together, let no man take apart. Even if there is a physical adultery issue I would still advise the woman or the man to remain if the adulter is willing to work it out. God can BLESS the worst things in a marriage and turn them into something wonderful. Sometimes when the person who committs adultery comes out and admits their sin, that is the point in which they are ready to change, to advise someone to leave that person is unwise because they don't know what God is going to do next. God can change anyone and any marriage!

Well biblically divorce is an option for adultury. Personally if I knew my Dh was cheating I would definetly forgive him, but forgiving him doesnt mean I would stay married to him. I would choose divorce because I know I would never feel the same for him again. And I doubt he would want to stay in a sexless marriage because I would refuse him because sometimes the HIV virus takes MANY MANY years to show up in tests! I would rather remarry in that instance. Some people may feel differently and thats fine! But biblically she CAN divorce if she wants to.