What would you do?

[ByHisGrace]

This is my situation:

I have two bathrooms that I have been waiting for my husband to paint and remodel -- I have been waiting over a year, possibly two years. I don't nag him about it, he knows I want it done and when he feels like it he'll do it. If I have to wait five more years I will, he works long hours and is an excellent provider. So I am trying to be patient and not bother him.

Just recently (within the last month) my SIL moved into her own apartment and my MIL wants her old bedroom painted. MIL can't stand for things to go unrepaired, she does not want to wait. Ever since SIL moved out MIL brings up having this bedroom painted every time we see her. She has 5 other grown adult children who could do this, 3 son-in laws (one who is actually a handy man!), and not to mention grandsons. Because my husband is a great painter she wants him to do it, because she has to have the best.

My husband has a vacation coming up shortly and I just know she is going to want him to paint. I'm a little annoyed....She has all these people available to help her and all I have is my one husband. I know as Christians we are to give and give but something just doesn't seem fair about this.

My husband will not defend me or stand up for me, he is ever devoted to his mom. I know if I stay silent about this he is more than likely to run over and be a good little son to his mom. Not only do we need our bathrooms done, he has plenty of other things around here he needs to do too -- like fix the garage door and stain our sliding doors.

Hubby does not want me to paint the bathroom, otherwise I would.

How would you handle this situation? I am praying about it but would like some Christian counseling. Thank you.

[GreenEyedLady]

Hubby does not want me to paint the bathroom, otherwise I would.

How would you handle this situation? I am praying about it but would like some Christian counseling. Thank you.

Sister,
Go and buy the paint and the brushes NOW! My husband did not want me to paint either but I found when I started something, he helped finish it. Ask him to tape it off for you so you can paint it. I like painting. Many times when I start a project, he ends up finishing it with me. Just take action and hopefully he will follow. I would do this before the vacation comes so that your MIL sees that you will be busy.

[ByHisGrace]

LOL....Oh we already have the paint! It's sitting in the garage where it has been for over a year! I was trying to be an obedient submissive wife.. however my plan was this, if he goes to paint for his mom then I'll start painting that same day or I will hire a man to do it. What do you think?

[icebear]

Sister,
Go and buy the paint and the brushes NOW! Just take action and hopefully he will follow. I would do this before the vacation comes so that your MIL sees that you will be busy.


i do not get on very well with my MIL, so i'd be vocal about it if my hubby were to use his vacation to favor his mom .... which i don't recommend....


so if i want something done with the house, i get the stuff myself and start doing it... usually this is when i feel a mania coming on, i'll work on it for 10-15 hours and barely sleep thinking about getting it done and go till its finished or the mania is over :panic

thats how my livingroom went from small pink and blue flowers to the most gorgeous shade of red overnight! :nod

anyway, if its what you want, and you feel hubby's got a lot to do on his own and you don't want to nag, just pick up a brush and have fun with it yourself! :yay

oh, and PS, i don't think it violates proper submission and obedience to just go and start a project your hubby agrees needs to be done.

[ByHisGrace]

I get along okay with my MIL but I do not trust her. She can be very manipulative and my husband does not see it. She has no problem taking advantage of people.

Here's another question...would you say anything to MIL when she brings up painting the bedroom? I was thinking of saying something like "Take a number" in a humorous sort of way. I would love to have a heart to heart with her but that's not going to happen.

I appreciate any advice and experiences you ladies care to share.

[dauteroftheKing]

I use to not really get along with my MIL, but I realized that when I respect and love her, I am respecting and loving God. Now I know having said that, that is a lot to swallow. Especially if your MIL is difficult. But God tells us to " honor your mother and father, and He will reward you with long life." This does not mean to let your MIL be abusive and overbearing.

But she did give birth to your husband, and something like a bedroom seems so small. You could tell him you are O.K. with it if he wants to go over there at 6:00 am. And a bedroom he would finish in a couple of hours. Maybe you and the kids can sleep in. I agree that he should not use all of his vacation time doing this, but I am a big painter, and this sounds to be relatively simple. And she is his mom, love her or not.

You will not have to worry about, "did I do the wrong thing?" If you tell him to quickly get it done. As with the bathroom at your house,
If it is only painting, start it ASAP!! And if he is too busy suprise him with the finished product. He might feel relieved that it is done, I know I would. :hug

[GreenEyedLady]

I get along okay with my MIL but I do not trust her. She can be very manipulative and my husband does not see it. She has no problem taking advantage of people.

Here's another question...would you say anything to MIL when she brings up painting the bedroom? I was thinking of saying something like "Take a number" in a humorous sort of way. I would love to have a heart to heart with her but that's not going to happen.
.

I would say, I am so excited that my DH is gettting a vacation! We have so many things that are unfinished in the house. I already have the paint to paint with. Do you know where I could get a new bathroom cabniet at a good price?

[graceforme]

I would hire someone to do the painting BEFORE hubby goes on vacation. He may be quite relieved that it is done and he can do other things during his time off.

We go through this same scenario in our home, although my in-laws have long ago passed away. My dh is not very handy at all, but will attempt to do things - they usually don't turn out so good. So I either do it myself, or hire someone to do it. It seems to work for both of us.

Good luck.

[ByHisGrace]

Thanks girls!

I will have to post how it goes!

[wife]

IF hubby agreed to paint his mom's room. I would say this. No nagging, no anger, but very hurt (cause I would be) "you know, you agreed a few years ago to paint the bathroom and I am really hurt that your mom came before me" And then maybe say "look I know you are busy with work, but maybe if you and I worked on it together we can get it done faster"

Is there prep work that maybe he doesn't want to do. We needed the kitchen done, I stripped the wallpaper and hubby painted.

Yes, she gave birth to him, but I believe in the leave and cleave concept. You come first, not her.

Being submissive does not mean that you cannot let him know how you feel. If anything you are setting him up by not telling him how you feel.