~ Children In Heaven ~ 2 Cor 1:3-4

[jayna]

I love the poems, thank you for adding them in. I have to drive by Captain D's most days, some days it is twice a day. God has healed me a lot in this 11 years. It has been a journey. I used to drive around the back of the restaurant and just sit. They had to put aluminum on the back where the bullets came out of the cooler. For the first 4 years I would just pull in and go inside to the back and go in the cooler where Sarah and Steve were killed and just stand there and look. I knew from the crime scene pictures exactly where Sarah was lying and I would just stand there.

Captain D's was really good to us and they have put a memorial out front with a tombstone and a bench in memory of Steve and Sarah. I drive by the cemetary each Sunday on my way to church.

I still hurt and how I long for Sarah, but God has eased a lot of the pain. I hurt for you out there that it is still so fresh and new. God can heal. I can now think of Sarah without having to think about how she died. The days of the anniversary of her death, birthday, and holidays aren't as painful as they once were. Where I find myself now is in a place where I have periods of remembrance and pain that isn't tied to a certain day, but comes out of the middle of no where. It may be triggered by a song or a smell or it just may be that my mind wanders to that child of mine. I now have a joy in knowing that the Rapture is close and I will see my Sarah very soon.

It was great to meet Run2Jesus. We are truly sisters.

:hug

Oh my, how hard that must have been on you to go by Captain D's. :hug
It was so nice of them to put of the remembrances. God has really brought you a long way.....and I know He will the rest of us. God Bless you.

[jayna]

We elected to have Scoot's grave right behind our house. If the Lord tarries we will also have our remains on either side of him. Each night I go into his bedroom in the dark to say my prayers. When I get up I look out his large bedroom window at his grave lit up by his little solar powered light. Just beyond his grave is the old house he spent the last years of his life in. It just seems like yesterday that house was the site of so much action. His front porch would be all lit up with the four porch lights he installed himself (one on each column), waiting for him to come driving up in his little red Prism. Now it's totally dark over there. The only light in the yard is the one on his grave. I often find myself feeling "cheated" and then have to rebuke myself for such a selfesh attitude. God knows best and I have to just trust in His actions. It's never going to be easy to live in this world without my Scoot, but I find courage to go on knowing he's waiting for me just over the mountain there.

I envy you to have him in your backyard. But as I've told you before, I would have probably tried to dig Jason up by now if I had it that way!! :hehee

Jason bought a new house 8 months before he died and I bought his old one. I am thankful I did that... I'm in his first home he ever had on his own. I didn't think I would be able to swing it but God is providing.
I know that looking out at the house that Scoot lived in is bittersweet.
Everything is these days!! :hug

[jayna]

I understand what you mean about being tired. The burden is unbearable and yet we have no choice but to bear it. I pray for Jesus to take us home, to dry our tears, and take away the pain. My husband wants to do something to honor Amanda on the anniversary of her death. I don't know what to do, however. She loved the animals so much maybe we will take a load of food to the no-kill shelter that she loved volunteering at, I don't know. Is there something special that your son loved to do? Perhaps you could do something around that. :hug



I think there are probably a lot more like us who are reading and not ready to share their stories. Perhaps knowing they are not alone and there is a place where people understand the pain they are experiencing will help them. :hug

The first 2 years I just put a 'in memory of' thing in the paper on the 26th. But that cost about $40 just for a little 3x2. I decided the price is not worth it. I have no idea what else to do. I always put something at the cemetary and will probably send up balloons to him but other that that I can't think of anything else I can do.

I'm sure there are alot more of us who haven't responded. I know sometimes I just flat don't want to talk.

[jayna]

Where I live I can leave two ways. One way is by the cemetery, the other is where the accident was. I don't look at it as a place where he died so much as I think "that is the place where the angels came down and carried Ricky to heaven". I call it his angel place. That is the only way I can bear to go into town.

Certain dates are worse than others. The first year I would panic on the 9th. I hated for my teenage daughter to be out somewhere. (She was in the accident too and with Ricky when he died) Of course, birthdays and holidays are always bad days.

What a great way to think about the place of death!! And its the truth!!!! Thank you so much for that!!!! :hug

[jayna]

Manytears, I Love 'A Few After'.....I've never heard that.

Glory, this thread makes me sad too! I can't always come here... if I want to stay sane!!!:)
But it sure is nice to have it here.

Dear Lord, have mercy on us girls and come soon!!!:pray

[nannyto3]

Oh me Jayna, I have had the thought, especially in the beginning to dig up Sarah!! Oh me. Only mothers I guess would understand such a thought. We would do anything to see them again won't we, well, almost anything. I guess our good sense leaves the shovel in the garage!!

I have prayed for 11 years for Jesus to let me see her. I know he could and I don't know why he hasn't, but I still pray for it.

[jayna]

Oh me Jayna, I have had the thought, especially in the beginning to dig up Sarah!! Oh me. Only mothers I guess would understand such a thought. We would do anything to see them again won't we, well, almost anything. I guess our good sense leaves the shovel in the garage!!

I have prayed for 11 years for Jesus to let me see her. I know he could and I don't know why he hasn't, but I still pray for it.

I know I would have the first year it happened. All those distraught nights (and I lived alone). Oh yea, if he were in my backyard, you would have found me frantically digging!!!

[jayna]

I posted this a long time ago on this board.... decided to find it and post it here since I love it so much. Thought you might also. :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Resurrection


"The Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever."


It was "very early in the morning" (Luke 24:1) "while it was still dark" (John 20:1), that Jesus rose from the dead. Only the morning star, not the sun, shone down upon His tomb as it opened. Jerusalem's shadows had not yet retreated, and its citizens were still asleep. Yes, it was still night, during the hours of darkness and sleep, when He arose, but His rising did not break the slumbering of the city.

And it will be during the darkness of the early morning, while only the morning star is shining, that Christ's body---His church---will arise. Like Him, His saints will awake while the children of the night and darkness are still sleeping their slumber of death. Upon rising, the saints will disturb no one, and the world will not hear the voice that summons them. As quietly as Jesus has laid them to rest---each in their own silent grave, like children held in the arms of their mothers---He will just as quietly and gently awake them when the hour arrives. To each will come the life giving words, "You who dwell in the dust, wake up and shout for joy" (Isa. 26:19) Into their graves the earliest ray of glory will find its way. The saints will soak up the first light of morning, while the clouds of the eastern sky will give only the faintest hints of uprising. The gentle fragrance of the morning, along with its soothing stillness, invigorating freshness, sweet loneliness, and quiet purity---all so solemn and yet so full of hope---will be theirs.

Oh, how great the contrast between these blessings and the dark night through which they have just passed! Oh, how great the contrast between these blessings and the graves from which they have been freed! They will shake off the dirt of earth that once held them, flinging mortality aside, and will rise with glorified bodies "to meet the Lord in the air". The light of "the bright Morning Star" (Rev. 22:16) will guide them upward along a brand new path. The beams of the Star of the Morning will, like the star of Bethlehem, direct them to the presence of the King. "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).


'While the hosts cry Hosanna, from heaven descending,
With glorified saints and the angels attending,
With grace on His brow, like a halo of glory,
Will Jesus receive His own.'

"I am coming soon". Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. Rev. 22:20

A soldier once said, "When I die, do not play taps over my grave. Instead, play reveille, the morning call, the summons to arise."

[Amanda's mom]

Oh me Jayna, I have had the thought, especially in the beginning to dig up Sarah!! Oh me. Only mothers I guess would understand such a thought. We would do anything to see them again won't we, well, almost anything. I guess our good sense leaves the shovel in the garage!!

I have prayed for 11 years for Jesus to let me see her. I know he could and I don't know why he hasn't, but I still pray for it.

I have Amanda's and Timothy's urns with me. I live too far from family and knew that I would want to move back to be closer eventually. I would not have been able to bear leaving my children here. It is an odd comfort to be able to hold their urns and feel a bit closer to them. I keep asking for pleasant dreams of Amanda, too. I am grateful that the actual events haven't wormed their way into my dreams...sleep is the only peace that I have anymore. I guess God figures that if He lets me see her in my dreams, all I will do is sleep.

For some reason, today has been a really bad day. I woke up remembering finding Amanda in her room and reliving everything from finding her to sitting beside her lifeless body in the hospital. It just keeps replaying over and over again and I can't seem to make it stop. I just miss her so very much and it's worse today than it's been in a while. This usually happens on the 3rd of the month or on Fridays so this is an odd one for me.

[jayna]

I have Amanda's and Timothy's urns with me. I live too far from family and knew that I would want to move back to be closer eventually. I would not have been able to bear leaving my children here. It is an odd comfort to be able to hold their urns and feel a bit closer to them. I keep asking for pleasant dreams of Amanda, too. I am grateful that the actual events haven't wormed their way into my dreams...sleep is the only peace that I have anymore. I guess God figures that if He lets me see her in my dreams, all I will do is sleep.

For some reason, today has been a really bad day. I woke up remembering finding Amanda in her room and reliving everything from finding her to sitting beside her lifeless body in the hospital. It just keeps replaying over and over again and I can't seem to make it stop. I just miss her so very much and it's worse today than it's been in a while. This usually happens on the 3rd of the month or on Fridays so this is an odd one for me.


Lately I have been replaying events over and over in my head also and I can't seem to stop it either.... except as you say through sleep. I wish so badly we didn't have to live this way. :hug God Bless you.