~ Children In Heaven ~ 2 Cor 1:3-4

[Amanda's mom]

Well, I made it through my first Mother's day without Amanda in 12 years (I count when I was pregnant with her because I could feel her love even then). It was a sad day, I missed her even more then "usual" I think. But I finally became conscious of something...I've always wondered why I never really could tell anyone what I wanted for gifts...I realized it's because all I have ever really wanted was the love of my children shown in the form of a great big hug and a whispered "I love you mom." I wanted so much to get one of Manda's homemade cards to open up and see a huge heart with the words "I love you momma" inside. I must have found a dozen of them in her room after she died. They are like gold to me...I keep them in the safe so that they are just that, safe.

I hope that you all had as good a day as you could yesterday.

[Anddra]

Well, I made it through my first Mother's day without Amanda in 12 years (I count when I was pregnant with her because I could feel her love even then). It was a sad day, I missed her even more then "usual" I think. But I finally became conscious of something...I've always wondered why I never really could tell anyone what I wanted for gifts...I realized it's because all I have ever really wanted was the love of my children shown in the form of a great big hug and a whispered "I love you mom." I wanted so much to get one of Manda's homemade cards to open up and see a huge heart with the words "I love you momma" inside. I must have found a dozen of them in her room after she died. They are like gold to me...I keep them in the safe so that they are just that, safe.

I hope that you all had as good a day as you could yesterday.

I know this isn't the same, Amanda's mom, but please accept this :hug

[Amanda's mom]

I know this isn't the same, Amanda's mom, but please accept this :hug

Thank you Anddrai. It does help.

[jayna]

Well, I made it through my first Mother's day without Amanda in 12 years (I count when I was pregnant with her because I could feel her love even then). It was a sad day, I missed her even more then "usual" I think. But I finally became conscious of something...I've always wondered why I never really could tell anyone what I wanted for gifts...I realized it's because all I have ever really wanted was the love of my children shown in the form of a great big hug and a whispered "I love you mom." I wanted so much to get one of Manda's homemade cards to open up and see a huge heart with the words "I love you momma" inside. I must have found a dozen of them in her room after she died. They are like gold to me...I keep them in the safe so that they are just that, safe.

I hope that you all had as good a day as you could yesterday.

:hug :hug
So painful and how I wish we could go home. Love sent your way sweetie!!

[jayna]

Ok, I'm depressed. To make a long story short.... my surviving son's wife saw a video that was made by Jason's (used to be) wife. She said it was beautiful and included all the family members from childhood to adult. Of course her current husband and his family were included. And Jason's kids of course. My dil use to take lots of pics for Jason and his kids. Well she said she knew because she took some of these pics that Jason's face was originally in these pics but he had been cut out. They were 5 when there dad died and are 9 now. I can understand her wanting to get on with her life, but my son was a huge part of his kids life before he died. Why couldn't she have left my grandson's younger years with their dad pics intact with him still in them. I believe for her own children's sake she shouldn't leave him out... they miss him so much. I am not surprised by this but its a fresh hurt and I'm really depressed that she wants to wipe their father out like this yet her new husband's whole family is right there amongst them. I wonder if my grandsons are hurt by this.... I don't want to bring it up to them... don't think it would be appropriate.
I hate this.:cry

edit to add: I'm not feeling very christian right now. I'm angry and hurt.

[Amanda's mom]

Ok, I'm depressed. To make a long story short.... my surviving son's wife saw a video that was made by Jason's (used to be) wife. She said it was beautiful and included all the family members from childhood to adult. Of course her current husband and his family were included. And Jason's kids of course. My dil use to take lots of pics for Jason and his kids. Well she said she knew because she took some of these pics that Jason's face was originally in these pics but he had been cut out. They were 5 when there dad died and are 9 now. I can understand her wanting to get on with her life, but my son was a huge part of his kids life before he died. Why couldn't she have left my grandson's younger years with their dad pics intact with him still in them. I believe for her own children's sake she shouldn't leave him out... they miss him so much. I am not surprised by this but its a fresh hurt and I'm really depressed that she wants to wipe their father out like this yet her new husband's whole family is right there amongst them. I wonder if my grandsons are hurt by this.... I don't want to bring it up to them... don't think it would be appropriate.
I hate this.:cry

edit to add: I'm not feeling very christian right now. I'm angry and hurt.

:hug I don't know why she did this. It does seem cruel. I am so sorry. Can you talk to her and ask her why she did this? Or, perhaps your surviving son's wife could talk with her.

[jayna]

:hug I don't know why she did this. It does seem cruel. I am so sorry. Can you talk to her and ask her why she did this? Or, perhaps your surviving son's wife could talk with her.

I don't know. Its a difficult situation. She has never liked Jason being brought up.... in fact if they happen to get upset when their with us she wonders why?!!!! I mean we still have pics all over the house of Jason and the subject does come up occasionally... we try to include Jason on holidays by sending balloons with messages to heaven. I don't think she lets them talk about him or keeps them too busy to. It wouldn't do any good to mention it anyway. Its a whole new family over there that Jason has no part of and its really none of our business what they do. It just hurts me and I wish she would let the boys remember him.... but she doesn't feel this way. Just something we have to live with now. We were at the cemetary the other day and one of the boys said 'I wish Jesus would come get us, I miss daddy sooo much.' I just said 'me too son, me too'!! Their mom would die if she knew he had said something like that. But I have a large feeling she isn't saved.... so that explains that.

You know how it is sis, just lots of tough stuff to deal with. :hug

[jayna]

I just talked to my sister and she said it depended on what the video was for. If it was a gift for her and her husband, then no Jason's pic shouldn't have been there and I agree with that. If it was meant as a gift for the boys then definitely it should have been.... but I don't think it was a gift for the boys.
I don't know why the video was done, but if it was done as a gift for them then I took all this wrong. Oh well, I get my feelings hurt alot lately, nothing new!!!!

[Amanda's mom]

I just talked to my sister and she said it depended on what the video was for. If it was a gift for her and her husband, then no Jason's pic shouldn't have been there and I agree with that. If it was meant as a gift for the boys then definitely it should have been.... but I don't think it was a gift for the boys.
I don't know why the video was done, but if it was done as a gift for them then I took all this wrong. Oh well, I get my feelings hurt alot lately, nothing new!!!!
Sounds like your sister is a wise lady. I don't think that you are getting your feelings hurt easily in this situation, though. As far as you knew, this was a video for the family and your son was part of the reason that your grandchildren are part of that family. In that case, it is not unreasonable to expect him to be remembered to your grandchildren. As far as feelings getting hurt, our "feelings" are already so raw and bloodied that anything that rubs the wrong way is torture; especially concerning our children who have gone ahead of us. I understand completely. :hug

[jayna]

Sounds like your sister is a wise lady. I don't think that you are getting your feelings hurt easily in this situation, though. As far as you knew, this was a video for the family and your son was part of the reason that your grandchildren are part of that family. In that case, it is not unreasonable to expect him to be remembered to your grandchildren. As far as feelings getting hurt, our "feelings" are already so raw and bloodied that anything that rubs the wrong way is torture; especially concerning our children who have gone ahead of us. I understand completely. :hug


Thank you so much :hug My sister is very wise!! :) And she is trying to make me feel better, and I love her for it..... but you understand perfectly where I'm coming from. We do have to 'forget' about certain things on this journey in order to survive... but sometimes no matter how much we sugar coat it, it still is what it is. Thanks for being here, you don't know how much it means to me to have someone to talk to that understands exactly where I'm coming from!!! :) :hug