~ Children In Heaven ~ 2 Cor 1:3-4

[Amanda's mom]

My family had the first BBQ for the 4th we've had in many years. My sister, her husband and son came up from So. La. Everyone is so happy and jovial, I truly do not fit in. Sometimes I just stare and wonder what everyone is laughing at. What happened to me? I'm miserably lost without my son.
But I know I'm not alone here. Thanks for giving me a place to come and read of your feelings and for me to express mine also.
I just want to bury my head under a pillow and cry right now.
Haven't got much else to say right now, just depressed.
:hug :bighug :hug

You are not alone...I think most of us are feeling that way today.

[jayna]

:hug :bighug :hug

You are not alone...I think most of us are feeling that way today.

I'm not glad your feeling that way too, just glad I'm not alone.:hug

[Faith&Hope]

My family had the first BBQ for the 4th we've had in many years. My sister, her husband and son came up from So. La. Everyone is so happy and jovial, I truly do not fit in. Sometimes I just stare and wonder what everyone is laughing at. What happened to me? I'm miserably lost without my son.
But I know I'm not alone here. Thanks for giving me a place to come and read of your feelings and for me to express mine also.
I just want to bury my head under a pillow and cry right now.
Haven't got much else to say right now, just depressed.


:ghug. I understand. Everyone on my street is so happy, celebrating with their families, their children. Life does go on around us doesn't it. I had a tough time today as well, Jayna. Mario loved a party. He was always the life of it. I think of last year when we were all together, watching the fireworks.
Holidays are tough. His Birthday is going to be another difficult 1st to get through. I know Jesus will carry me. It will be his 1st Birthday in Heaven. That's what I should be concentrating on. I'm human, I'm a mom, it's not so easy. Lord help us all. Comfort us. Bring us peace. I place my trust in you Lord. Thank you, Jesus. Amen

I had such anxiety today. I'm glad the day's almost over. Sometimes (like today) I get anxious, like I just NEED to see him. But I can't. No control of the situation. But we know who IS in control. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know how people who don't have Jesus, get through something like this. I miss my baby too. ((Faith&Hope))

I have been truly blessed by this thread. A place we can come and share our thoughts. Thank you all for sharing your children.

[pumkin67]

It has been a hard day for me too. I carried my youngest fishing with his friends. Ricky was my fishing buddy. All I could do was watch Jesse. I can't bear to do a lot of the things that I did with Ricky. I feel bad because my other two get cheated out of these things. I watch other families and I feel so broken. I'm having one of those wavering faith days. Oh! For the day to come so we can be whole again.:sob

[Amanda's mom]

It has been a hard day for me too. I carried my youngest fishing with his friends. Ricky was my fishing buddy. All I could do was watch Jesse. I can't bear to do a lot of the things that I did with Ricky. I feel bad because my other two get cheated out of these things. I watch other families and I feel so broken. I'm having one of those wavering faith days. Oh! For the day to come so we can be whole again.:sob
I'm so sorry.:hug I understand how you feel completely. Amanda was the youngest so the other girls haven't missed out (they don't really want to do anything with mom anymore...they have their own lives and friends now) but I'm certainly missing her. It's so hard to do the things Amanda and I used to do and she helped me with everything or else kept me company while I did things. Everytime I do laundry, I think about how she would help fold when she was a preschooler and then how she would come in and chat about inconsequential things while I worked. She used to like to sit in a big blue basket that I have in the laundry room. I can see her just the day before her death with her bottom in the basket and her head and legs poking out of the top...giggling and laughing and me just shaking my head. Everytime I go to Wal*Mart and turn down the aisle where the candy is, I can see Amanda squatting on the floor by the bubble gum trying to decide which type to get a friend as part of her birthday present. It took a long time to go into Wal*Mart and not hurt like a knife was going through my heart...it was her third favorite store (1st had been Ames before they closed and 2nd was Barnes & Noble). My first trip there after her death was to find a neck scarf to hide the rope marks on her neck. The funeral director wasn't sure that she could hide them. It's very hard to see colors through tears. It turned out they didn't need the scarf for which I was glad. Now, everytime I go by the scarfs I think about that. I can see Amanda the day before her death gently stroking the silk material in the sewing department and telling me how much she loved the blue print, or standing by the bandanas carfully picking out just the right two to get her friend. Then dragging me to the video department to help find just the right dvd about horses for the same friend. Everytime I walk by a lounging swing (the type for 2 or three people to sit on) I remember how Amanda and I would sit on them and just enjoy being quiet together as we "tried them out" - I'd always say that I'd buy one some day and we could sit together at home but I never could afford it. I miss her so terribly much everywhere and in everything that I do because she was always there with me doing everything with me.

[Faith&Hope]

For all of us. These video's bring me comfort. Thank you, Jesus. May they bless you as well. ((Faith&Hope)) :ghug

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=77a943d4daf558ad2509 Jerusalem (song in Jerusalem) Awesome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrrMaK6nrko New Jerusalem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KvfQTRWjYY&feature=related Will Heaven Look Like This

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtR6o65IzuE Fly To Jesus


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw Praise You In ThIs Storm


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkIYtm16JBM&feature=related In Christ Alone


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU Bring The Rain

[Faith&Hope]

It has been a hard day for me too. I carried my youngest fishing with his friends. Ricky was my fishing buddy. All I could do was watch Jesse. I can't bear to do a lot of the things that I did with Ricky. I feel bad because my other two get cheated out of these things. I watch other families and I feel so broken. I'm having one of those wavering faith days. Oh! For the day to come so we can be whole again.:sob



:ghug ((Faith&Hope))

[Faith&Hope]

I'm so sorry.:hug I understand how you feel completely. Amanda was the youngest so the other girls haven't missed out (they don't really want to do anything with mom anymore...they have their own lives and friends now) but I'm certainly missing her. It's so hard to do the things Amanda and I used to do and she helped me with everything or else kept me company while I did things. Everytime I do laundry, I think about how she would help fold when she was a preschooler and then how she would come in and chat about inconsequential things while I worked. She used to like to sit in a big blue basket that I have in the laundry room. I can see her just the day before her death with her bottom in the basket and her head and legs poking out of the top...giggling and laughing and me just shaking my head. Everytime I go to Wal*Mart and turn down the aisle where the candy is, I can see Amanda squatting on the floor by the bubble gum trying to decide which type to get a friend as part of her birthday present. It took a long time to go into Wal*Mart and not hurt like a knife was going through my heart...it was her third favorite store (1st had been Ames before they closed and 2nd was Barnes & Noble). My first trip there after her death was to find a neck scarf to hide the rope marks on her neck. The funeral director wasn't sure that she could hide them. It's very hard to see colors through tears. It turned out they didn't need the scarf for which I was glad. Now, everytime I go by the scarfs I think about that. I can see Amanda the day before her death gently stroking the silk material in the sewing department and telling me how much she loved the blue print, or standing by the bandanas carfully picking out just the right two to get her friend. Then dragging me to the video department to help find just the right dvd about horses for the same friend. Everytime I walk by a lounging swing (the type for 2 or three people to sit on) I remember how Amanda and I would sit on them and just enjoy being quiet together as we "tried them out" - I'd always say that I'd buy one some day and we could sit together at home but I never could afford it. I miss her so terribly much everywhere and in everything that I do because she was always there with me doing everything with me.


:ghug He will wipe away every tear. ((Faith&Hope))

[Faith&Hope]

Your all in my T's & P's.

No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, no mind has concieved, what God has prepared for those who love Him!


"All is well with your child because he is in the presence of God the Father in Absolute Perfection"

The will of God will not take us where His Grace will not protect us.


((Faith&Hope))

[jayna]

had such anxiety today. I'm glad the day's almost over. Sometimes (like today) I get anxious, like I just NEED to see him. But I can't. No control of the situation. But we know who IS in control. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know how people who don't have Jesus, get through something like this. I miss my baby too. ((Faith&Hope))


I get very anxious too. I have been calling out to Jesus, wondering where He is but I know he's there.... its just in my present state of mind I guess I'm not feeling Him. Thanks for the songs and videos you posted... my favorites.:hug

Pumkin, I had a wavering faith day too, I feel your brokenness. :hug
Today I asked God if it was just me having a pity party or did I really have a reason to be so downhearted. I mean I know I've lost a child but I still have one left and a beautiful granddaughter. Theres a fine line between being broken hearted for the one lost and counting your blessings for what we still have.

Amanda'smom, That had to have been extremely hard to buy the scarf... actually the whole thing must have been... Jason's wife at the time did all that and I didn't have to. You mentioned in an earlier post about wanting to see the atopsy report. My family hid the obit and everything else from me. It wasn't until a year later that my son and his family moved in with me that I found the obit.... and then aprox a year after that when he was getting Jason's truck in his name that we got a copy of the death cert. (we didn't have an atopsy done). I was by myself when I saw it and I cried like it had just happened. It tore my heart out and still does to know my son when through such awful things. (And I couldn't stop it or fix it.) BUT JESUS HAS THANK THE LORD!!!!

PLEASE COME SOON LORD!!!