resenting my husband......

[icebear]

definately time for a sit down talk, let him know that you feel put upon, and remind him that if he were to lose all his hair and gain 30 pounds (without the benefit of having 4 babies for an excuse) you'd still love him just the same. Remind him that you don't have to be a trophy wife and point out the fact that changes in your body came from the fact that you produced 4 children together.

As far as you being overweight, i don't see it. I'm 5'5" and just made it to 220 this week after losing 40# since july. Maybe i'm lucky that people didn't believe that i weighed as much as that, or they were being very polite :lol
But aside from that, i havn't seen 150 since college and i only have one child...

Bottom line is if he has a concern about your weight, it should be more about your health rather than your appearance....

Ask him which he cares most about and tell him to be honest with himself about the answer and he should go from there...

[LivnForChrist]

I mean well so I hope that this is taken in the spirit that it is meant; to be of some help.
Trust me, I know how it feels to have found yourself with extra weight after having had 4 kids. (I have 4 too) I gained alot of weight and all the issues that went with it. I wish my husband had had the courage and honesty to tell me (in love & kindness of course) that my weight bothered him. I heard the same old tired line about "I love you no matter what size you are". Well, that turned out to be a big, fat lie. (no pun intended) Long story short, he ran around on me for years and after I busted him in an affair the last time, I decided to lose weight (for me) and seek a divorce. Guess what? After losing over 105 lbs and having everyone tell me how great I look, he's now desperately trying to hang onto me. He has gone back to church, re-dedicated his life to Christ, and admits that my weight REALLY did bother him..Alot! Now, was my weight an excuse for him to cheat? Of course not, that was his flesh and am I saying that the hubbies of overweight women will definitely cheat...NO. But watch out. If a man tells you how he feels, listen! Take him at his word, it bothers him baby girl. Be thankful you were warned no matter how much it hurts. I wish my hubby had been more honest long time ago.


PS. I feel great now, I will never let the weight come back. I am 41 years old now and I feel young again.
It's no longer about looks but about my health. I went low-carb and cut out sugar & sweets and the
weight just melted off. I learned through all of this that you have to take care of yourself. Topping 300 lbs
I felt like an old woman. I have not been under 200 lbs in over 20 years and it feels great. Lose the weight...for you.
You'll not regret it. I prayed and asked the Lord to help me and he did.

[lisaann]

Wow, comments like that would kick my rebellious side into high gear. I would probably put on 10 lbs. just to make a point. :heh

Seriously though, he is out of line with comments like that. You need to sit him down and talk to him about how hurtful it is. I would be tempted to make it a boundary that he cannot make comments like that.

[smileychick]

I'm so mad/frustrated/hurt right now. I know this should maybe go in the prayer requests, but I really wanted to put it in where other women would see it......

Same old argument, new day. DH's mom was ultra skinny - anorexic skinny - and I'm not. I was really skinny when we met - BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL! I've since had 4 kiddos. I'm not severely overweight (5'4" and 150) but it's big enough to matter to hubby. I'm not thrilled with my size or my jiggle, but not so unhappy to worry about it much.

Of course I want to please him so I've tried in the past, but since it's for him and not for me (I'm guessing) I lose motivation and get tired of the restrictions, point counting, etc. so now, in addition to not liking my size, he resents me for my starting and stopping in the weight loss department.

I wish he could just leave me alone. When I"m ready, I'll do it FOR ME, and will stick with it. He says he loves me unconditionally. But that's really hard to believe right now.

Thanks for 'listening".


First, you are beautiful!! I know exactly how you feel :hug
After being blessed with children, our bodies aren't the same. Well, at least my body isn't :lol2
My husband seems alot like yours in making those little comments here and there and calling me "Miss Piggy". I think that our men make little jokes but don't realize that they are hurtful. We try to just shrug it off but, it sticks in our minds and then we get mad:gaah

You are beautiful no matter what size you are!! Look in that mirror and know that you have been blessed!!!

[smileychick]

When you are ready to take that step,

YOU CAN DO IT!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!
Talk to your hubby the next time he makes a comment and let him know that you love hime and that it really hurts your feelings when he says those things. I'll pray for ya!

[4kiddosmama]

I appreicate all the comments and support. thank you!

I wish I could say he's telling me this for health reasons, but I really can't. I"m actually just now out of my healthy weight range by about 3 pounds or so. It's about physical appearance for him. And because it's about that, I'm very self concious around him at nite, etc. You know what I mean. :fear I think part of my problem is that he KNOWS what I looked like at 105 - BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. His mom instilled in him and his siblings how important is is to be skinny and how overweight people are not living according to God's commands. His sister, who is not built to be ultra skinny had a TERRIBLE time with her mom about her weight. Once she got away and in a healthier marriage, she's down to a size 8 and feels great! I can tell you her mom would want her to be a size 4 though. :twitch

LivnForChrist I appreciate your honesty in sharing with me and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. :hug

TenBear- I have let myself go some, I don't make time to workout like I know I should. I do know this. But I start feeling even more stubborn and rebellious when he acts like this. Then I really DON'T want to workout and I do turn to food (especially chocolate and mexican food- YUM!) to help me feel better. Of course that's exactly what I should NOT do.

I have talked with him about how his comments make me feel - several times. this last time I finally told him that it's causing me to resent him. His response is that he's resenting me for not caring. I do want to please him, but once I lose 7-10 pounds I seem to sabatoge myself. I get tired of not eating certain things and he doesn't help by asking me to bake him cookies! :shocked When I point out I"m trying to stay away from sweets his response is to "not eat them". Hello! The whole house smells of yummy cookies!!! :doh

Sigh.....sorry guys, I just really needed to get all this off my chest. :ohno

[smileychick]

WOW! Are you my long lost twin?:shocked
Your story is sooo close to how my life has been as well! Growing up, it was always don't eat to much or you'll get fat. I was placed in EVERY sport and trying to stay at that 105lb range has been hard for me too. My husband is doing the same thing right now too. It's hard not to eat those carbs!! I love bread!

There is no reason he should be saying those things to you! I feel your frustration and he needs to know that loving you means loving ALL of you no matter what! Tell him that having those extra pounds means there is more of you to love:yeah
Keep your head up chicky!

[Kathe]

Men are low down dirt. the problem is they are in charge of this old world. Take it from the INDIANS THE WOMAN MADE ALL THE DECISIONS THE OLD WOMEN PICKED WHO THE MEN LEADERS WOULD BE. SEE THE OLD WOMEN WHERE IN CHARGE........READ UP ON IT FOR YOURSELFS!!!!!!



Ummm...Indians are not Christians and in the bible the woman is submissive to her husband. It is God ordained and it does work. I was a very independent woman and I run our businesses while my husband is a SAHD and homeschool dad. He is still the husband and man of the home. He is the decision maker and I bow to his decisions. The indian way is NOT God's way and if you look at how the indians have fared you will see that they did not do so well.

That being said, men should love their wives as Christ loved the church. Women are to respect their husbands. There are some excellent books on the subject that I recommend:

Liberated through Submission (God's Design for Freedom in All Relationships) - P.B. Wilson

Me? Obey Him? - Elizabeth Rice Handford

The Beautiful Side of Submission (Authority and Submission in Balance) - Lela Johnson

These are all biblical and I think reading them will surprise you. I think you will come across the idea of submission quite differently than you do now.

Kathe

[Kathe]

On the weight loss thing. I teach natural health and nutrition. There are just as many skinny people out there that are not healthy. Weight, in itself, is not the determining factor to health. However, every extra pound you carry that you shouldn't will be harmful to your health. Your heart has to work harder, etc.

Perhaps you can sit down with him and talk to him. Let him know (without emotion) that his comments are hurtful to you and may defeat his purpose. Let him know that you want to be at a healthy weight and that you are going to get a checkup to find out exactly what that weight is and work towards that goal.

People like Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton are skinny but starving their organs and will live a very short life because of it. Women are built to have more fat on them because of being moms and needing the extra energy. You have 4 children. That is a lot of extra energy necessary.

Above all things, pray about it and give your resentment and anger to God. Forgive your husband so it doesn't sow seeds of bitterness between you. Maybe read one of the books I listed in the above post. It's amazing how a husband comes around when God is brought into the mix.

Kathe

[Seller_of_Purple]

skinny doesn't necessarily equal healthy...so I am gonna say no on the worried for your health thing....but there's always a possibility....I hate it for you...my hubby is the opposite he's all about some "extra baggage" once i started working out and certain parts got smaller and he was all sad! I'm the one who hates being chunky!....So I want to slim down and he's not to keen on the idea....and there for NO HELP! (just as frustrating as a person who wants you thin) I'm still praying, please keep us posted from time to time :hug