resenting my husband......

[I Believe!!!]

4kiddosmama :hug :hug

I'm so sorry, those kinds of negative comments are so discouraging and sure don't make a person want to change. Sounds like hubby needs to know that you need positive and encouraging words from him.

Most men, not all but most, believe it to be an outward sign of our love for them by trying to look good for them. :nod

I was stunned to discover this as well!!! Also, realize that it's not necessarily in the losing of weight that makes a guy feel loved (isn't that just so alien thinking to us women?), but it's making the effort.....I'll say that again

making the effort

that makes a man feel that you love him. It tells him that you care enough for him to put forth the effort to look good for him. A gal may not end up losing a whole lot of weight, but if the hubby sees her working to keep herself up he sees that as a loving action on your part for him.

I know that dh will feel kind of hurt if I only dress up when going out (even though staying here at home with the kiddos can sap all the getting dressed up energy I've got) and not dress up for him. It makes him feel that I care more for those outside my home than the most important one inside the home. Does that make sense?

But, by the same token you need to feel loved by his words and patience with you. :hug

Ask God to help you out here, pray for guidance and direction that best suits you and that God will deal with your husband's heart. :hug :hug :hug :hug

[tlword]

4kiddosmama :hug :hug

I'm so sorry, those kinds of negative comments are so discouraging and sure don't make a person want to change. Sounds like hubby needs to know that you need positive and encouraging words from him.

:nod

I was stunned to discover this as well!!! Also, realize that it's not necessarily in the losing of weight that makes a guy feel loved (isn't that just so alien thinking to us women?), but it's making the effort.....I'll say that again

making the effort

that makes a man feel that you love him. It tells him that you care enough for him to put forth the effort to look good for him. A gal may not end up losing a whole lot of weight, but if the hubby sees her working to keep herself up he sees that as a loving action on your part for him.

I know that dh will feel kind of hurt if I only dress up when going out (even though staying here at home with the kiddos can sap all the getting dressed up energy I've got) and not dress up for him. It makes him feel that I care more for those outside my home than the most important one inside the home. Does that make sense?

But, by the same token you need to feel loved by his words and patience with you. :hug

Ask God to help you out here, pray for guidance and direction that best suits you and that God will deal with your husband's heart. :hug :hug :hug :hug

You've read the book, too??? I have it in audio format downloaded from Audible.com. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around so much that she has learned thru all her research & interviews. I've listened to it more times than I can count.

I'm the type of person that if I'm told that I need to look good for my husband, without telling me why it's so important, I tend to go the opposite direction. I need to understand the full reason why before I do it. (I tend to be a very stubborn individual)

[wife]

I have the book too. Very eye opening. She has a book for the guys now. I think it would be good for a couple to read at the same time.

[I Believe!!!]

You've read the book, too??? I have it in audio format downloaded from Audible.com. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around so much that she has learned thru all her research & interviews. I've listened to it more times than I can count.

I'm the type of person that if I'm told that I need to look good for my husband, without telling me why it's so important, I tend to go the opposite direction. I need to understand the full reason why before I do it. (I tend to be a very stubborn individual)


Yup!:lol2:thumb

Great book and well put together! I happen to pick out cd's read by the author but wished I'd gotten the book so I could fold pages that were pertinent to my life and read again.

For those who are wondering, the author goes out and interviews hundreds of men about certain subjects and is able to find out why these subjects are important to men. I personally discovered that indeed, men and women are very different and the things that men are typically known for wanting in a marriage are for very good reasons....it's how they feel loved. The author explains (from the very mouths of men) how they feel loved and why.

I highly recommend this book.....it really could save some marriages!:thumb

[I Believe!!!]

I have the book too. Very eye opening. She has a book for the guys now. I think it would be good for a couple to read at the same time.


Really?! Very cool, now I can understand myself....:heh

[tlword]

Really?! Very cool, now I can understand myself....:heh

I know! I listened to it, too, for the same purpose. :thumb

I bought both audio book downloads, "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" when DH and I were engaged so that we could better understand and cope each other after we were married. I keep going back to mine because I need constant reminders of why I shouldn't be stepping on his toes 'n stuff.

[adam423]

I was just wondering how you are. As someone who really struggles with weight issues, I know how frustrating it is. I've been on South Beach for almost three months and have lost almost 30 lbs. I've been struggling this week. There is so much emotional stuff tied to overeating and it's not easy to conquer. Not impossible, just not easy.

Reading this this thread and reading all posts with the women who don't have weight issues...saying just do it for him...make an effort, I understand all well intended words, but they actually hurt me!

I still remember my mother telling me I'd better lose weight before I lose my second husband too! Like my first marriage breaking up was because of my weight. :ohno

I have struggled for over 30 years and know that weight issues are not about trying harder or doing it for anybody. I've been through all the programs too, TOPS, Nutra System, Weigh Down Workshop, Setting Captives Free, pills...you name it, I've done it...now, I'm doing Shrink Yourself!

Does it make me less of a person? Absolutely not! I have an MBA, am a Director of Finance, have four children, am a grandma....yet I'm judged by my weight. Those we love can hurt us so much.

I understand actually what you are struggling with. There are no quick fixes, but God can help. Knowing that in God's eyes, I am valued and am His child, gives me perspective. Also...when I get raptured, I get a glorified body and i won't need to worry about weight is an awesome thing to look forward to!

:hug:hug

[4kiddosmama]

hi, Adam423 thanks for the kind words! That is actually the one thing I told DH about - that eating is comforting to me! Yikes.

DH and I talked about all this Wednesday nite. I can't say that either of us changed our position on the topic, but he at least understands me a little better. AND I admitted to him that his attitude makes me want to eat all the more and that I do eat to comfort myself. that really got him going - comfort myself wtih food?! And now that I see it (I've known this before) it should be easy to stop. :twitch I tried to explain it to him - food is always there, it doesn't make me follow it around the yard to get some attention, etc - but it just really seemed to disgust him even more. But he wanted me to be honest. :idunno I explained to him that I will have to lose the weight for me before it will really work. Of course then he asks the "what will it take for you to WANT to lose it then?" But he did try to assure me that he loves me regardless of the number on the scale.

He's backed off and we've made up. I've told him AGAIN how it makes me feel. I guarentee he doesn't get it, but he does understand that it hurts and is counter productive. So for now we are OK. I think this will still be in the back of his mind until I do make the time to workout regularly and eat better. But at least he's trying and he feels I'm more aware of his feelings behind it too - regardless if I agree with them or not. I think that book is right (for women only) I think he wants me to put forth more effort with myself. Of course, he's still wants me to lose the weight too.

Anyway, that's the lowdown. I appreciate all the prayers.

[Janh7]

That is so sad. My dh and I have been married almost 28 years. I have been overweight and not so overweight. I have had 5 kids (all c-sections) so you can imagine how my body looks. We have had highs and lows, death of our daughter, our parents, business problems, etc. We have stuck it out! No matter what we are best friends. It is unconditional the love that we have; not always passionate and physical but different seasons. We marry for life and life isn't always perfect and skinny. I don't think the problem is your weight, it might be something within your dh that needs fixin. Hang in there and remember there are different seasons in a marriage.

[adam423]

hi, Adam423 thanks for the kind words! That is actually the one thing I told DH about - that eating is comforting to me! Yikes.

DH and I talked about all this Wednesday nite. I can't say that either of us changed our position on the topic, but he at least understands me a little better. AND I admitted to him that his attitude makes me want to eat all the more and that I do eat to comfort myself. that really got him going - comfort myself wtih food?! And now that I see it (I've known this before) it should be easy to stop. :twitch I tried to explain it to him - food is always there, it doesn't make me follow it around the yard to get some attention, etc - but it just really seemed to disgust him even more. But he wanted me to be honest. :idunno I explained to him that I will have to lose the weight for me before it will really work. Of course then he asks the "what will it take for you to WANT to lose it then?" But he did try to assure me that he loves me regardless of the number on the scale.

He's backed off and we've made up. I've told him AGAIN how it makes me feel. I guarentee he doesn't get it, but he does understand that it hurts and is counter productive. So for now we are OK. I think this will still be in the back of his mind until I do make the time to workout regularly and eat better. But at least he's trying and he feels I'm more aware of his feelings behind it too - regardless if I agree with them or not. I think that book is right (for women only) I think he wants me to put forth more effort with myself. Of course, he's still wants me to lose the weight too.

Anyway, that's the lowdown. I appreciate all the prayers.


:hug:hug You're right! It probably is in the back of his mind and it won't be the last time you have this argument with him.

Let me recommend the book, Shrink Yourself, by Dr. Gould. Your local libray may have it, so you don't have to buy it. I'm doing the online program, but it's a little pricey. This program helps you realize so much about yourself and find new ways of coping so you don't turn to food for comfort. This has helped me in the short term so far.

You can check it out at www.shrinkyourself.com.