resenting my husband......

[4kiddosmama]

I'm so mad/frustrated/hurt right now. I know this should maybe go in the prayer requests, but I really wanted to put it in where other women would see it......

Same old argument, new day. DH's mom was ultra skinny - anorexic skinny - and I'm not. I was really skinny when we met - BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL! I've since had 4 kiddos. I'm not severely overweight (5'4" and 150) but it's big enough to matter to hubby. I'm not thrilled with my size or my jiggle, but not so unhappy to worry about it much.

Of course I want to please him so I've tried in the past, but since it's for him and not for me (I'm guessing) I lose motivation and get tired of the restrictions, point counting, etc. so now, in addition to not liking my size, he resents me for my starting and stopping in the weight loss department.

I wish he could just leave me alone. When I"m ready, I'll do it FOR ME, and will stick with it. He says he loves me unconditionally. But that's really hard to believe right now.

Thanks for 'listening".

[Sing4Him]

IMO you're not fat at all.

Husbands should be gentle and kind to their wives and not so judgmental.. love your wife as Christ loves the church...
My goodness..4 children.. I am sorry..

praying for you..:pray

and

:hug:hug

[wife]

has he come out and said that he hated your size?

The best thing that you can do for your husband is to pray that he has a change of heart.

Trust me... I know..it works

[Seller_of_Purple]

well, that really ***** and is very insenstive of him. Maybe when it's not a hotbutton type issue you could sit down and talk with him about it. Why on Earth would he want you to look like is mother (ew!) I'm sure if you wanted to nit pick he has "disappointed" you in some areas too...not saying you should start trying to swap jabs at each other...i'm saying it's unfair of him to bring that up all the time when we all have things that bother our significant others....wieght is very surface...maybe there is more to it? maybe he is uncomfortable with you looking more filled out and not like a bean pole? I will pray for you guys.

i guess i can't say that on here...i didn't cuss i promise...

[4kiddosmama]

has he come out and said that he hated your size?

He hasn't said "I hate your size". But he has said everything from "when are you going to start working out again?" and "I'll give you $1000 for new clothes when you get down to goal" to "boy, are you hungry" (when getting food for supper) and"your face is sure filling out" or other comments like that.


The best thing that you can do for your husband is to pray that he has a change of heart.

Trust me... I know..it works

At this point I'm wishing (and admitting to God) that I really just wish he'd gain 50 pounds and not be able to lose it. :heh When I think about praying for God to change him I remember reading in my "power of a praying wife" book about God convicting Stormie O'Martian to pray, "Change me" instead of "change him.".

[wife]

Hey ladies... let's not try to bash men on this board. let's try to keep our attitudes Christian in nature.

thanks

[wife]

He hasn't said "I hate your size". But he has said everything from "when are you going to start working out again?" and "I'll give you $1000 for new clothes when you get down to goal" to "boy, are you hungry" (when getting food for supper) and"your face is sure filling out" or other comments like that.




At this point I'm wishing (and admitting to God) that I really just wish he'd gain 50 pounds and not be able to lose it. :heh When I think about praying for God to change him I remember reading in my "power of a praying wife" book about God convicting Stormie O'Martian to pray, "Change me" instead of "change him.".

Ok, I am going to give it another take. Maybe he wants you healthy..

When he says those things, say something to the effect "you know, when you say these things to me.. I really feel like you don't love me and you don't accept me" Be honest with him and let you know how you feel, but do it in a loving way. don't snap.

There is nothing wrong with praying for a change of attitude with your husband. I did and it worked. At the same time ask God to give you a desire to lose weight to glorify HIM. I am at this point in my life right now. I want to glorify God.

[Cindybobindy]

The guy needs to take a serious look in the mirror.

[antsinmypants]

Maybe he is worried (thinking the positive).

My DH on the other hand is freaking out that I am not eating 'more' than I am atm with me being preggers... up to the point of fussing at me and saying 'you are not eating ENOUGH!'.

On the other hand, I am having to watch what I eat so I do not get overweight (I am already 20lbs more than the doc would surely be happy with) and develop gestational diabetes or worse.. and DH looks as if he IS pregnant. (he has since I've known him)

I have to constantly monitor what I cook, how I cook and what DH eats (mostly starches) and constructively suggest other things to make sure he gets full and eats healthy. I want to go walking with him and enjoy our time together, but he worries me sometimes (he has really bad knees and has been told to lose weight over and over)... and I have to be really careful not to hurt his ego or feelings.

I hope he is doing it rather than being 'mean' or his expectations, but for your welfare.

I hope... really.

Sometimes guys just don't know how to convey stuff in a 'nice' way though.. they generally don't talk as much as we do and aren't on the wagon with constructive criticism.

Ok, I am going to give it another take. Maybe he wants you healthy..

When he says those things, say something to the effect "you know, when you say these things to me.. I really feel like you don't love me and you don't accept me" Be honest with him and let you know how you feel, but do it in a loving way. don't snap.

There is nothing wrong with praying for a change of attitude with your husband. I did and it worked. At the same time ask God to give you a desire to lose weight to glorify HIM. I am at this point in my life right now. I want to glorify God.

:thumb:thumb

[Tenbear2808]

Perhaps he really is concerned and just doesnt realize how demeaning the way he is putting things makes it worse than better? A lot of men are poor communicators and use phrases that demean without realizing how they come off to the other person.

Maybe when you can calmly talk about it you can point that out.

Also perhaps both of you could start on some program together, maybe take up something together like golf or tennis or bowling?

And just one teeny weeny little question - because you do have 4 children which I know must be time comsuming caz my one was and multiply it x4 cant imagine, have you let yourself go to some degree because you feel overwhelmed with the kids?

One fun way that you could try with your kids is something called core rhythms. Its a latin dance program that has short routines and long routines and the kids would probably love dancing with you.

that's my 2 cents and with inflation that amounts to a negative -$1.00 :heh
:fly