Problem with new husband

[angelwings88]

I am sorry you going through this. Something is wrong.

[MurphtheSquirt]

Hope, I had my dh read this and asked his opinion. He was appalled at the girls doing this, but even moreso that their own father allowed it to happen. He thought that it should have been severely stopped the first time it began. He was disgusted with your husband for his reaction to this situation and the way you were treated.

It made him think of Herod, his stepdaughter and John the Baptist.

Dh is a middle school teacher, and he won't even allow students in his classroom if they are dressed in a risque manner. He makes them put something else on. He feels very strongly about such things.

I agree with my dh. It is so wrong. I agree with the other posters here that counseling for you from someone you trust would be in order. It might help you get your thoughts together and give you some clarity on what to do next.

Murph (:praying for you.)

[Hope in Him]

How can I even begin to thank you all for the confirmation! All the things, you have all said is exactly what I think. It's really strange...it took this last incident to open my eyes completely to him.

He has always babied his daughters....it annoyed me but I thought...six years of them to grow up and I can deal with that...so at first when we married and these things started happening...that is what I was thinking. The girls were way out line but they are in so many ways already...at first it was just another thing. He is really good to me, my son, my daughter, my dad, my nieces, my sister is so many ways that I just looked at the babying the girls as "his flaw". But there is so much more here than babying them...it is sexual the way they interact but I really don't believe he is molesting them...I think he is flattered that they "flirt" with him and it makes him feels good which horrifies me. To me this is just a step away from the other. I feel sick that it is what I see...if it I find out it is more, I'd bury him under the jail cell. (not saying I would hurt him just make sure that he was properly put away)

Mrsppmrxky said she would snatch her daughters bald headed if they had done this...that is what I feel also...my daughter would have been knocked threw a couple of walls the first time...there would have been no second time. I would have put the fear of God into her. Angelwings said something about run don't walk...this is how I feel also. But my family has such a history of divorce....I just needed confirmation. (One of the reasons I waited so long to get remarried I guess)

It's funny...I'm not heartbroken over this and I should be...I don't know why I am not. I am hurt but not like you would think, mostly I just feel a little stressed and really, really angry with him! :rant I have always wanted to married...to love someone and have them be there for me, to build a life together, to pray and explore God together, relish the time together and with family. I'm 43. Dating is not fun...and how do you really trust someone? People now days are often not what they seem plus it is so easy to misread things as I did in this situation. I knew there were problems with his children, I didn't see it for what it was...of course, I didn't ever see his girls do the things they have done since we have gotten married. I'm forced into a competition with them as though they are women. I know it is not their fault and when they aren't around I feel badly for them...but when they are around, I dislike them. This is wrong of me...their mother is a terrible person and now it appears their father is also. Poor girls, no wonder the oldest is acting out so badly...she thinks she is a bisexual. I am the only person that sets boundaries in these girls lives. I make them dress correctly, I lecture them when they mess up, I tried to teach them table manners (the 14 year old cannot eat a hamburger without have ketcup smeared all over her face and hands) I tell them to treat their father with respect...no one else in their life does these things.

In regard to my daughter, yes, she is still at home...but because we have had two houses...he has mostly been at his and I have been at mine since we were married. This is another strange thing since the idea was to finish restoring his and sell it and move into another together within 6 months. He has not touched the house in the year and half we have been married. I no longer go to his house and stay because I cannot bear to be there with his children. At least in my house I have some small measure of control. Oh yeah...the point I was trying to make is my daughter is alright and she has spent very little time alone with him. The time she has spent with his children have been 99% with me around....so she is fine.

I have spent my kids whole life teaching them that committment is not taken lightly... I wouldn't have divorced their dad except he was abusive....and now this! What kind of message am I giving to them? That disturbs me the most...she has seen parts of this but not the worst. I haven't told her because I didn't want her to hate him if we found a way to work things out....I don't want to tell her all of it now because I do not want her to distrust men. She already has so many reasons to do so. How do I explain this if it doesn't work out without telling her it all? If I don't tell her it all how will she understand I didn't just walk away lightly?

I have a plan. I am taking steps to protect my family. When those steps are taken and I have spoken to the therapist on Monday, I will make a decision. I think I have already made it, I just don't want to believe that I am in a situation where I really have no choice again...but that is how I honestly feel. It is terrible to hate divorce yet I am glad we do live in a society that it is an option when things like this happen. I feel that I have failed yet again and I don't want to spent my life alone. I failed in the area of not choosing well....I think my picker is broken. I thought being divorced for so long and having a relationship with God would fix it...guess not. :rolleyes

Once again, I really appreciate the prayers and the confirmation. It's not a hard decision in some ways as long as I know that I am right with God on it but in other ways it is difficult. I want to do what God wants me to do...not what is easiest for me. I guess that is why I wanted to hear other's opinion who love God. I wanted to know I wasn't just looking for an easy way out of bad situation. Thanks for talking to your husband's for me also. My thought is he should have been completely angry at them for these things and put the fear of God into them. Please keep praying for us, especially all the girls. I have to take care of some things this weekend to put things in order...talk to the therapist Monday and make some decisions. I'll stop now...this is another long rambling post!

To all of you...thank you. For years you have all been my companions. Even though I have lurked I have felt like I was a part of a special family and I am grateful and blessed! :hug

[Tenbear2808]

Please dont underestimate your daughters ability to understand. She probably has seen it long before you have and didnt say anything for fear of hurting you or not being believed.

Tell your children the truth, there is nothing shameful about it, embarrasing to you personally yes.

Let God and them help you heal and walk away from this situation.

[pistis]

It is hard to believe this is not flame bait. Seeing as you only have two posts to your name it probably is, but just in case...here goes.

If I were you I'd run for the hills and then work on my doormat for others-self esteem issues.

You need to get real and get out. NOW!!

You've given this bozo too many chances. You married an idea rather than reality.

Get real, if this story is true those girls are wiping the floor with you, they are playing you. You are not ready for kids and your husband cares more about pleasing his kids than you, he's shown that time after time by his actions. His first priority is himself, then his girls, I bet his job is next, maybe his mother, and then at the bottom is you.

You allow evil to reign by doing nothing.

You need to stop this immediately. Complete stop...now.

[TeachMe]

That is sick. Those girls doing that way in front of their father.....and him condoning it.
I'm not so sure, that if I were in your shoes, that I wouldn't be calling child protective services. But of course how are you going to prove it. They would all deny it, I'm sure, once they were confronted with it by a counselor or the police.

But the relationship he has with his 2 daughters is sick. Not just wrong, but sick.

And if he is that kind of man, why do you want him? He doesn't want a wife.
He sure doesn't treat you like a wife. His daughter in bed with him???

Why, I would have packed my bags immediately and left right then and told them what a sick bunch of people they are. And of course that's what his daughters want you to do, but I'd have obliged them, because this is SICK and I would have told them all so.

[antsinmypants]

...You asked if 'my' daughters had ever acted this way with their father and how would 'I' react........
answer: No they never acted this way. If they had, I would have snatched them baldheaded for acting this way with their father or any man that was not their husband. (with their husband, they have better respect for themselves than to act like that in front of us.)


:pound

Ow, ow... that hurt! :lol2

(I'm her daughter)

[Kathe]

I married my husband when his daughter was almost 6. She has NEVER acted like this with my husband. Ever.

Something is very wrong here and I believe you have been deceived in this marriage. I am one who always stands up for praying for healing in a marriage and to be a submissive wife but I have to advise in this situation that the best thing you can do is walk away, fast and sit down and have a talk with your children and honestly tell them why biblically you had to do it. What your husband is doing is morally and biblically wrong. He is not being the husband that God intends him to be.

Christ would never act as your husband is acting. No godly husband would.

Pray and leave.

Kathe

[Kathe]

:pound

Ow, ow... that hurt! :lol2

(I'm her daughter)

You have a good mom! Glad for you! Hope you are the same way with your kiddo's! :lol2

Kathe

[antsinmypants]

LOL, well, we'll be a little stricter on dress and modesty, but otherwise mostly the same :)