Advice on marital problem.

[smalltowngal]

Ladies, I need some advice. My sister has been married for 44 years. Her husband has been very verbially abusive to her over the years but more so since this spring. The last straw was last night when he came home drunk and verbially cussed her out for over an 1 hr and a half. He has assused my sister of siding with their daughter over some ridiculous arugment he had with her (DD) over the phone back in May. My sister claims she didn't hear the words exchanged between them so she is innocent of his accusations. He has been calling his daughter and harassing her (didn't know this till last night). The daughter told him if he calls again she will call the police. To make a long story short, what steps should my sister take? She plans to leave him this morning. She didn't know where she was going. Where do you start? She said something about talking to a lawyer on Monday. I'm afraid she will back down as she said what will people think. She knows her husband will tell everyone its her fault etc. This man is very bull headed, no one can tell him what to do. An example is he just had hand surgery, on the medication bottle he was told not to drink, so I'm sure this was a big part of his problem mixing booze and prescriptions. He was also told not to drive and he still is. So he doesn't listen to anyone. When he gets mad he brings up all kinds of things from the past (who can change any of that--so why bring it up now). He accused my sister of ruining the family. My sister thinks he has the beginning of Alzheimer but there is nothing she can do. (Its in the family)
I feel so bad for her. I told her she can come here and stay but this would be the first place he would come looking for her. I need some good advice for her. Thanks for listening. Counseling is out of the question since there is nothing wrong with him!:doh

[Kathe]

She needs to get a good lawyer right away. They will be able to give her advice on filing, on protecting herself and her assets, etc. Maybe you could visit the attorney with her for support.

And pray with her. Kathe

[lisa]

What a terrible situation. :hug
I'd start a prayer campaign on behalf of your sister and her husband. The Lord can work miracles, even in situations as bleak looking as this.
She should get herself someplace safe- physically safe. Stay at a friend's house, stay with family, etc.
From her safe place, she could initiate conversation about what things need to happen in order the get the marriage in a better place- counseling, AA, Al Anon., etc. and insist he get himself together. It may take a while, but she needs to stay strong in her requests from him. The years of dealing with an alcoholic may cause her to want terribly to relent and give him his own way, but she can't do that and expect things to improve or heal.
I personally wouldn't advise starting legal procedings. See what can be done with prayer, distance, and the intervention of counseling. She's got a better chance of improving her marriage if she proposes getting the relationship help rather than threatening to end things if he doesn't clean up his act.

Just my two cents. Praying for you and your sister's family. :hug

[Mrsppmrxky]

Maybe your sister could make and appointment with their primary care doctor and express her concerns about the drinking and pills and also the possibility of alzheimers starting.

If your BIL is really in the beginning stages, there is medications that he could take to delay the onset of worse symptoms.

You sister may also want to speak with a lawyer to make sure that their legal affairs are in order should things progress and she needs to make decisions toward your BIL's health care.

Sadly, anger does enter into that disease and sometimes the spouse is really in for a rough time in trying to care for the ailing spouse.

Much prayer is needed. Your sister is going to need your support emotionally as she makes up her mind as to how she will proceed.

If your sister is in physical danger, then she needs to move to a safe place. If BIL is just a verbal bully, then her moving out will just have him dig his heels in deeper to continue on as he is going.

Your sister is truly blessed to have you there for her emotional support. Praying it all works out.

[Sing4Him]

Maybe your sister could make an appointment with their primary care doctor and express her concerns about the drinking and pills and also the possibility of alzheimers starting.

very good advice here :nod Praying :pray