Advice needed

[dauteroftheKing]

I just wanted to see if I could get some advice, I am stuck about what to do. My daughter's 8th birthday is in a few weeks and we are having a party for her at a place where the girls dress up, get manicures, makeovers. The problem is do I make her invite a child that is really dramatic and difficult. These people live in our neighborhood, I am friends with the mom, and the child is in my daughter's class.

My daughter stopped playing with this child, almost a year ago. She would come over to play and wine the whole time about not wanting to play this or that. If another child is around, she tries to gang up on one child. She says her next door neighbor (use to be friend is "evil", and tries to get other kids not to like her. She is extremely jealous of my daughter, always wanting to compete. Anytime my daughter gets to go somewhere, or gets something, it is "not fair."

She is not a happy child. And my child is just a happy go lucky, just want to play and have fun, no drama regular kid. I could go on and on with the stories, but you get my point. Even though my daughter stopped playing with her, she is still nice to her, writes her sweet notes when she knows this girl is mad about some other drama she has brought upon herself. She is so nice, that the girl still thinks that they are friends.

My daughter does not want her to come to her birthday party, fearing all the drama that will come along with her. (last year party, this child pouted the whole time.) It will probably only be 6 or 7 girls, but two are in "their" class, and it is probably going to slip out at some point. And this child knows her birthday is in October, and has been asking her what kind of a party she is going to have this year. My daughter says I don't know yet.

I don't want to hurt this child's feelings, and I am friends, aquaintences with the mom. I will see her in the neighborhood, at school functions, etc....

But I also feel weird about MAKING my daughter invite someone that she does not want to. Also, I feel like she will target my daughter for the rest of the school year. I know that this seems really trivial, but I have been worrying myself sick about it. I just need advice! What would you do????

[antsinmypants]

I'd probably invite the girl...

It'd be a lesson in patience as well as loving your neighbor. Perhaps a long line of good influence on the girl..? :)

[GreenEyedLady]

How many girls are in her class?
Are you inviting all of them or just some? If just some, then I don't see a problem NOT inviting this child. If all of the girls are invited, then you have to invite her.
I always teach my children to never speak about a party in front of other children. I wish all parents would say that to their children. It would make things so much easier.
The fact that you are friends with her mom is a bummer. If you do decide to invite her, talk to the mother about her behaviour. Do you think the mother sees it? ALOT of mothers don't. thats is a bummer!

[NewWorldOrder]

If it were me, and my child did not want to invite someone because of their behavior, I wouldn't invite them. Since it's her party, I say let her decide. Invite her over another time. :)

[Bamagirl]

Ok...upset your daughter, or a adult friend? Either way its loose loose, the child will either be jealous and ruin it and be mean to your daughter or vie versa, she wont come and be mean to your daughter, I say she doesn't get to come. If asked simply say there was limited space due to finances and your daughter picked the ones she wanted to come, if anything else is said simply tell her the blunt truth, that her daughter isnt fun to be around, the life lesson should be for the one who is misbehaving, not the one who isn't. I know, I am there myself with my friend's child who disrupts behavior and is violent toward other children, its caused many of fights but in the long run, I still had to stand by my children.
Now, that child knows he gets to play if he behaves, if not, my kids wont want to be friends with him.

[Seller_of_Purple]

This is tough, I don't think your girl should have to suffer b/c of a poorly behaved kid...What about if you have a bigger party then most of the kids go home, and have like 3 or 4 girls spend the night and the neighbor girl just doesn't make the cut?
If you invite the girl, I would lay down a couple of general rules (though you know that the mean girl is going to be the one they are really aimed at) Such as, "if we argue then we (as in the instigator) go home" or "we all play together or we have to take a time out where we just chill out and watch a video"...i'm not sure exactly what the rules should be, you know the feeling of the situation...but the point is....this little girl needs some boundries! If boundries are in place and she doesn't adhere to them, send her back down the street! Call her mom and let her know that there are rules and ANYONE who breaks them gets sent home (to ensure a happy party)...hope that helps

[smileychick]

I just wanted to see if I could get some advice, I am stuck about what to do. My daughter's 8th birthday is in a few weeks and we are having a party for her at a place where the girls dress up, get manicures, makeovers. The problem is do I make her invite a child that is really dramatic and difficult. These people live in our neighborhood, I am friends with the mom, and the child is in my daughter's class.

My daughter stopped playing with this child, almost a year ago. She would come over to play and wine the whole time about not wanting to play this or that. If another child is around, she tries to gang up on one child. She says her next door neighbor (use to be friend is "evil", and tries to get other kids not to like her. She is extremely jealous of my daughter, always wanting to compete. Anytime my daughter gets to go somewhere, or gets something, it is "not fair."

She is not a happy child. And my child is just a happy go lucky, just want to play and have fun, no drama regular kid. I could go on and on with the stories, but you get my point. Even though my daughter stopped playing with her, she is still nice to her, writes her sweet notes when she knows this girl is mad about some other drama she has brought upon herself. She is so nice, that the girl still thinks that they are friends.

My daughter does not want her to come to her birthday party, fearing all the drama that will come along with her. (last year party, this child pouted the whole time.) It will probably only be 6 or 7 girls, but two are in "their" class, and it is probably going to slip out at some point. And this child knows her birthday is in October, and has been asking her what kind of a party she is going to have this year. My daughter says I don't know yet.

I don't want to hurt this child's feelings, and I am friends, aquaintences with the mom. I will see her in the neighborhood, at school functions, etc....

But I also feel weird about MAKING my daughter invite someone that she does not want to. Also, I feel like she will target my daughter for the rest of the school year. I know that this seems really trivial, but I have been worrying myself sick about it. I just need advice! What would you do????

My 9 year old daughter was in a similar situation :gaah. My daughter doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings and I wanted my daughter to enjoy her birthday party and not feel worried at all about inviting this girl. Our decision was to not invite this girl this time and explain, if she found out, that the party was for a small group and that they could make arrangements to get together another time.
My daughters party was wonderful and she had a blast!:thumb

[Kathe]

My 9 year old daughter was in a similar situation :gaah. My daughter doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings and I wanted my daughter to enjoy her birthday party and not feel worried at all about inviting this girl. Our decision was to not invite this girl this time and explain, if she found out, that the party was for a small group and that they could make arrangements to get together another time.
My daughters party was wonderful and she had a blast!:thumb

Ditto! Kathe

[Sing4Him]

If this girl is not your daughter's good friend, then why feel obligated to invite her? I'd say no.
If the mom asked you later about it you can be honest and say they have grow apart.
(mom of 3 grown)

[CircleSlide]

If this girl is not your daughter's good friend, then why feel obligated to invite her? I'd say no.
If the mom asked you later about it you can be honest and say they have grow apart.
(mom of 3 grown)

This is exactly what I would do.