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HugsFromJesus
July 1st, 2012, 12:35 PM
I need some advice, not pity. ((((Hugs))))


I need to glorify my Lord so much more and I don't know how..:-/


Let me explain:


I have many health issues. I don't go out at all except to the grocery store for a few things once in awhile and to get my meds at the drugstore and both events are very very difficult. I have a list a mile long of things I have to do, eye appts., getting new glasses, haircut and I just can't do it. I am in so much pain and I cringe when I have to communicate with people on the outside. I am almost completely deaf and what I can hear I have auditory processing disorder so I can't understand the words. Last night someone in my building started a converstaion with me in the hallway as I was getting my mail (I usually wait until very late at night to go to the mailbox so I don't run into anyone) and by the time I talked to her for less than 5 minutes I came home and just burst out crying from the frustration.


My friends have totally gone my the wayside years ago when I stopped working and applied for SSD. My entire professional and personal life stopped from that point on.


I have long periods of sleep and sometimes I get my nights and days mixed up but now I am okay with that as I usually am awake only about 8 hrs. a day out of 24 anymore and it is usually during the day maybe 4 hours at a time. I fall asleep with the laptop on my lap laying on the couch propped up on pillows with heating pads (microwaved ones) and trying to deal with the massive pain. My pain meds make me sleepy also.


I don't post here much anymore, because I type slow, I make a ton of mistakes and I have to correct it all and it stresses me. I try to read everything I can get my hands on to encourage me and because of how lousy I feel, I am soon asleep.


I don't have any help or support system. My mom is 88, my sister is her caretaker, my daughter lives 1200 miles away and she doesn't talk to me as she thinks I am a Jesus freak and my illness creeps her out..her words. My son, his wife and 3 yr. old grandson are all busy. My children were raised so different, very sweet, generous and family oriented but I was not saved so I didn't teach them about Jesus and that upsets me. My other sister lives in Az. (I am in Pa.) My family consists of Catholics, (married into it) new agers and/or "don't cares". We were all raised in a Presbyterian church (3 girls) all married Catholics, me married a Catholic,divorced, never remarried...my older sister married a Catholic, divorced, married another Catholic, she is now active in the Unity Church. My other sister married a Quaker, got marriage annulled to marry a Catholic and is practically a Catholic herself now. I am saved and I would say my mom is. I know my dad was when he died. At this point, I really never see anyone, I don't know how to act around them when I know that everything about me irritates them. I don't go to holiday get togethers, nothing, because it is too taxing on me for what I get in return, which is ignored. I was always the funny life of the party and now since I have changed, so have they.


I feel like I don't do a thing to glorify my Lord and it is killing me. I pray about it but there isn't anything I can do that isn't a hardship, by that I mean that I truly can do! I just sent out some cards and I have alot of trouble with handwriting anymore. I realized I am sending these cards out all the time to the same people and I don't even exist in their world anymore, I never hear from them, some of them for years.


I can't walk for more than a half block (at the most) and can't lift much at all, a couple light grocery bags and then I am spent and I am the first apt. inside the lobby door. I cook in spurts as my legs are so painful I have to keep sitting.


Because of my hearing, I have a special speaker box (ups the decibels ALOT) that I use with headphones and use closed captioned so unless I am in the perfect spot lining up the electronic eye, I can't hear one word of my TV. I have the sound turned completely off and it only comes through the speaker box. Reading CC is very difficult for me anymore as my eyesight is not the best and I need a bigger TV which I can't afford. Anyway, not hearing any sound at all unless sitting in one spot with headphones makes anything I do in the house very isolating as I don't have any background noise. I have always loved background noise when I could hear, it was company for me. I have lived alone for 25 years now. When I could hear I always picked places to live that was by traffic as I loved the noise. (my deafness is not from noise, I was never one to blast music etc.) it is from something else, something I didn't have any control over.


I think about maybe going somewhere to help stuff things etc. (like to Heather's in Tx. Ha!) but I need a ride. I only drive around the corner as traffic is too overstimulating to me and confuses me. When you tell people you can't hear them they keep talking anyway and then I get all anxious as I don't know what they are saying and it turns into a fiasco. That is not something I want to get into with people I just meet. I have found people are not tolerant of the deaf. If you say you can't hear them that you try to lip read and they must face me and enunciate clearly, they have no patience for that.


I am NOT depressed. Depressed people have no hope. I was there years and years ago, I feel hopeful. I WANT to do anything and everything to glorify my Lord and I just don't know how and I am always telling Jesus that He knows how much I love Him, He sees my heart, but then I feel bad as nobody else sees what is inside me. I hibernate because of how people treat me and the little respect and impatience that I get from them.


Whew, this is why I don't post anymore, I started this post in my email account and now I will cc&p to RR. That way I can think in spurts. My thinking is so confused due to a Stroke. My thoughts and also following directions is a real situation comedy also, another trial of mine.

Please know that I am not trying to play the "woe is me" card", I feel so blessed all the time. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. Yes, I get government help but I am okay with it. I was a nurse all my life but missed alot of work due to illness so my SSD check is low, thus the needed help. I know that many people have "opinions" about people that get government assistance. I live in a subsidized senior citizen place that is only 10 years old and is very very nice, so yes, I am very very blessed. I never ask God why I am ill, He has His reasons. I ask Him what I can do for Him. I tell Him I am fuzzy brained (He knows that) and that He has to be clear but so far I am lost and nothing has been laid on my heart as to what to do that would make me feel good because life is one big frustration for me. I feel like I am such a disappointment to the love of my life, my Lord and Savior.


Any suggestions of things I can do that don't require thinking, following alot of direction, hearing, standing, walking, staying awake, comprehension, handwriting, lifting, and other health issues that I have that I don't want to share right now would be so appreciated. :scratch


Thanks so much for any help you can give me, in advance. ((((Hugs))))

Lamptomyfeet
July 1st, 2012, 01:36 PM
:pray for you Hugs, and :pray also someone here with more wisdom than I will answer you more fully, in the way the Lord would want you to be advised.

Lots of :hug , we all love you here.

pixelpusher
July 1st, 2012, 01:41 PM
Hugs, when I joined here, you took the time to welcome me so sweetly, and you encouraged me. You wrote "I am praying for your unsaved Mom and brothers, most of us are dealing with unsaved family also". I know we all pray for one another here, and you weren't the only one to welcome and encourage me, but perhaps this is something you can do. Clearly, by your post here, you are not incapable of writing and organizing your thoughts... perhaps you can focus on praying for others and maybe even write devotions to encourage others? These days, it's possible to self-publish on the internet. I know, this takes thinking and comprehension... but for right now, that's the thought that comes to me. You are an inspiration, dealing with all your limitations. Surely that in itself, and interceding for others in prayer brings glory to God.

Meanwhile, I am praying for *you*! : )

Acts5:41
July 1st, 2012, 02:19 PM
Well, you can always pray.

That said, I can think of other things you can do. You can put a tract or scripture booklet in a bag with some hard candy and hand it out to others. You can also get a little card printed up "I have hearing troubles, please be patient" and give them to people when you're talking to them.

You can leave tracts and scripture booklets in waiting rooms. People are always eager for something to read.

You can hand out the bags of candy with scripture booklet or tract to people at the grocery store and gas station. The pharmacy.

I'd suggest you apply for paratransit. You would qualify. You can google it "Paratransit [my county]" They will send you a form, you and your doctor fill it out, and then pretty soon you can have professional drivers. Like today, we had an appointment, the driver picked us up, dropped us off. At our next appointment time, the driver brought us home. You can hand out TONS of stuff to your drivers and the other passengers.

Scripture booklets: free for the asking. Just tell them how you will use them. http://www.wmpress.org/

Free tracts for the asking: http://www.gtpress.org/

Candy: I suggest Sam's Club or a dollar store. Walmart has what I call $8 mix. A huge bag for $8.

I hope that helps! And I'd love to have you come out and help me with prep work! :hug

ANewCreature
July 1st, 2012, 02:44 PM
Acts has some great ideas on activities. But, I would say that prayer is one of the most underrated ways in which you can glorify Him; at lest to me it is. Because it does feel like to glorify Him we have to be active physically. But,t hat is not the case.

I know it's hard if others can't see you doing it, they don't know that you are praying and so you wonder, how can that be glorifying Him? But Jesus promises that which we do in secret He will rewrd openly.

Look at all the requests on here, the many requests at www.godlife.com/prayer-wall, and many other places. It might feel a little tedious at first praying for the 100th person with whatever need, but keep at it and ask the Lord to help you. As Him to wake you up to pray; remember that he will put a person into your mind becuase there is a reason for them to need prayer.

And, don't just pray, "Lord, get them saved" - He wants a relationship with you. Think about that - you were saved so He could have a relationship with you!! Talk about that with Him, and write your feelings so you can share them with your unsaved loved ones. Maybe it won't happen rightaway but as God moves in their hearts you will have an opening.

Ask for specific requets from them, or when a request is mentioned, promise to pray and do so. This is how I got my college friend to at least start requesting prayer from me even though he doens't believe yet.

Remember, the way we glorify God isn't necessarily done int he physical world. Ephesians 6:11-18 is one of many places in the Bible where we are reminded that there is spiritual warfare out there. When we pray we are takign the part God has allowed us to take in that warfare. It's glorifying Him becasue we are making use of that freedom He gave us in salvation, and using it to stand int he breach for others.

I don't know how many of the Israelites Moses ever told about his intercession for them on the Mount, when he prayed that God woudl spare them and, if necessary, blot him out rather than qiping out the Israelites. God, of course, did neither, but Moses' prayer int he breach was honored in God relenting and sparing the Israelites and also in it being recorded in Scripture. For all we know, Moses might not have told a soul. But, what a wondderful thing he did, and what a great picture of what Jesus Chrsit does for us.

So, go boldly into the breach. I'm sure there are books on prayer that will help which are free; this snippet from Oswald Chambers' "My utmost for His Highest" caught my eye at a fast search. http://utmost.org/intercessory-prayer/

Judy for Jesus
July 1st, 2012, 03:06 PM
Maybe since you have internet access you could find a site that teaches signing for free...maybe even try youtube or ehow. You could take your time so it doesn't "over stimulate" (I get that too). Once you have accomplished some of this skill, you can try to communicate better with people who don't HEAR you tell them you can't hear them...they can SEE you can't hear them. You could use this skill to glorify the Lord by then perhaps borrowing a video camera and make youtube video of your testimony (by signing) or maybe give a lecture about the Lord in sign language...taking your time to edit and make it just the way you want. It's free to post there.

You could start your own blog that glorifies the Lord with your thoughts and prayers and devotions and love letters to Him.

If you don't have a facebook account, maybe you could get one and post your love and testimony to the Lord on that. Post great devotionals and stories or whatever...maybe your family would even start reading?!

You could make tracts to leave at all those doctor offices waiting rooms. Maybe even make a fun one that if you learn sign language, you could make a message that is all in hand signs that they decode with the alphabet shown on the back...such as the hand letters spelling out JESUS IS LORD or some scripture all in hand alphabet for them to decode...kids would LOVE that!
Just my thoughts...
LOVE YOU HUGS!!! :hugs
Judy

Raphael
July 1st, 2012, 04:02 PM
Don't let our Adversary con you. He is the one who is telling you that you just ain't doing enough. Discouragement is his nine iron.

You do not know and you will not know until the Rapture occurs what your post above (as well as others) have done. There is no way to know which strewn seeds flourished. Readers would have to be completely blind spiritually if they missed the meaningful sermon in your words. You do things even though you don't feel like it - and that's putting it mildly. Most of us feel pretty good all the time and we waste our resources. Your post is a reminder that this will stand against us at the Bema judgment, and encourage us to redouble our efforts. Do you think God missed what you caused others to do on His behalf? You are in for a BIG surprise.

You don't even know to whom you have preached a gospel message with only a few words. But you are going to find out. Any time a person with your limitations can put a smile on their face and do anything that ends with, "...and bless you in the name of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, who is soon to come for His people" has given someone plenty to think about, and they are going to have a ton more to think about if they miss the Rapture. You will never know (until He comes) who was saved because of you. But if we on this site are right, you are going to find out soon enough.

You can type all that - ? Think about how many people will read it. If you can express that much meaning on this meaningful site, it will not go unnoticed. So occupy until he comes, and wait on the Lord. A lot of folks think that when you don the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6), you are supposed to go out and convert the world. But the most important thing you can do is pray. Your intercessory prayers: something else you will not realize the full impact of just yet.

That lapel button logo you use ought to be manufactured by the thousands and worn by every Christian on the planet, ESPECIALLY those of us on RR.

ginseng
July 1st, 2012, 04:22 PM
Bless your heart!


I can relate to many of your trials, including going deaf and being on SS Disability. The isolation is rough.

I've also thought about learning sign language.

Your love for the Lord shines through and I'm sure it is witnessed by that "cloud of witnesses"
mentioned in Scripture.



Let's keep in touch,
gin

TimothyK
July 1st, 2012, 05:02 PM
I never ask God why I am ill, He has His reasons.

I would only say here, it isn't any reason or will of God that you're ill dear one.

This existence is one of suffering and tragedy due to sin, which has nothing to do with God and everything to do with us as a whole. Us, and the one who has power in this current world order: Satan.

Dear sister, you're here on RR welcoming new members, lifting up others in prayer, and encouraging other brothers and sisters still.

That's more then some 'christians' ever do in all their spare time. Looks to me you're doing just fine, thriving and on fire for Christ. You're doing better then many others who would, God forbid, find themselves in exactly your predicament.

Please don't feel down or that you're not doing enough for God. That simply isn't true. Let our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ comfort you. Rest in His finished work and keep up with what you've been doing so far.

Listen to the Holy Spirit, and may He guide those who answer you in this thread. You're doing fine and your heart for Him is showing.
_____

I've prayed for you dear sister, for comfort and relief. I've also prayed for your daughter and your family, your family as a whole and I'm so sorry they're treating you as they have.

May God prick their hard hearts and give them compassion and wisdom and understanding. Unto salvation chiefly, and also unto humanity, sympathy for this dear daughter of Yours Father.

In the holy and matchless name of Jesus Christ, amen. :pray

Raphael
July 1st, 2012, 05:11 PM
Paul had a thorn in the flesh. He also claimed he "laboured more than all" - seems boastful, until you read the whole verse and realize by what it was that he acccomplished everything:

I Corinthians 15:10


The same grace given to you!