Anyone have stepkids?

[PlentyGroovy]

My fiance has two teenage daughters, 14 and 16. The younger is sensitive, loving, kind, the older is more bold and forthright, sometimes insensitive. The older one likes me, the younger one did too but I think the ex-wife said some things and she has become cold towards me. I'm just wondering if anyone is dealing with this type of situation and how you be a 'friend' without becoming a 'doormat'. Hearing what others have dealt with would sure be a blessing.

[tlword]

I have two step-daughters, 4 & 13 years old. So far I have been blessed as they both seem to love me. I even get along well with the mother of the 13 year old and have successfully and respectfully delt with the mother of the 4 year old. I treat them both with respect and kindness and expect the same in return. Of course, neither live with DH and myself. I don't know if it would be any different if they lived with us; I hope not.

[kmendel]

My husband and I married (second marriage for each of us) almost twenty eight years ago. He had two kids aged 7 and 9.... I had three aged 7,14 and 18. It was tough.
He and his were Jewish and me and mine wre Christian. DH received the Lord shortly after we married. Ex-wife did everything she could to turn kids against me. Ended up, his son moved in with us at age 12........we raised his son and my youngest daughter together. Fast forward.........all five of our kids are wonderful! They finally love each other and consider themselves brothers and sisters, and have a great respect for DH and me. We did this before the books were written on blended families. And, it is only thru the grace of God that we made it. We're still madly in love and the kids and grandkids are doing fine.............

Kathy

[Bamagirl]

My husband and I have a total of six, each bringing three into the marriage. My kids are 13, 10, and 6; his are 11, 6 (just two weeks apart) and 2. Four of the kids live with us and his daughters live with their mom out of state.
Its not always easy, but I am truly blessed. I never imagined having four daughters and two sons! We get charged gratuity to dine out :)
That being said our kids get along great, you have to make a point to treat them no differently than the ones you did birth both in love and discipline.

When we got family portraits done, we wouldn't tell the photographer who was who so that the pics didn't look staged.

My husband is adopting my son very soon.

Know that you are dealing with teens, and daughters, be consistent and they will come around. There is nothing you can do about the ex influencing them though, but eventually, if you and your hubby stay consistent and loving, make it to where the feel comfortable talking about their mom and there are no hard feelings, the girls will realize one day :P

(Sorry, it's 5:00 a.m.)

May God Bless you and your fiancee in your upcoming marriage.

C

[PlentyGroovy]

That is awesome how y'all are successful in blending families. His girls are teens and my daughter is 10. The older one can be so mean to her younger sister, making fun of her and it's hurts to hear some of the things she says. My fiance has been talking about it with the older one and it sounds like the mom uses the younger one to 'watch' the older one and encourages her to tattle on her older sister. Which makes the older one angry at the younger. I guess the mom is very manipulative and controlling. I haven't met her, but probably will eventually. She did some very cruel things to fiance in their marriage, wonder if she will cause trouble via the girls...well I can already see a change in the younger's attitude towards me. As if she feels guilty if she likes me.

[wife]

That is awesome how y'all are successful in blending families. His girls are teens and my daughter is 10. The older one can be so mean to her younger sister, making fun of her and it's hurts to hear some of the things she says. My fiance has been talking about it with the older one and it sounds like the mom uses the younger one to 'watch' the older one and encourages her to tattle on her older sister. Which makes the older one angry at the younger. I guess the mom is very manipulative and controlling. I haven't met her, but probably will eventually. She did some very cruel things to fiance in their marriage, wonder if she will cause trouble via the girls...well I can already see a change in the younger's attitude towards me. As if she feels guilty if she likes me.

I wonder if she is using the younger one to spy on you two.

Prayers for you and your new family. I can only imagine how hard it can be but it can be done.