My daughter doesn't "fit in"?

[Seller_of_Purple]

My daughter has always been very articulate, artistic, and admittedly...over the top...as in personal space is not always a thing she gives people (BTW she's 6 and a half)..Last year she went to public school, and it was pretty bad on a few different levels but I'm going to just focus on one to get other parents POV on the whole thing. Her first semester aug-dec. she had a teahcer that was always giving her bad marks (for things like interrupting, "not using materials properly" and so on) It was almost an everyday thing...it got to where I dreaded picking her up b/c it was going to mean another disciplinary measure on my/my husb. part. Second semester it was like a light switch...that teacher moved b/c of her husband getting a new job (or maybe because of my daughter:doh) But from jan-may it was sooo much better...way less bad marks and an overall happy mood.

My daughter now goes to a christian private school, and i thought that our problems would be solved. NOT Here we are 8 wks into first grade, and her teacher/counselor/asst. principal (yes that's right all 3 were there) said if my daughter gets into trouble 2x more for the same thing (the issue is with lying) that she will be expelled. They also told me that none of the children will be her friend (except one out of "pity")...

I said all that to say/ask this from you all....The picture that they painted of my daughter, was one with a grim future...full of friendless school days and after school special style problems...but...this kid in the picture looked nothing like my daughter! She's very articulate, creative, pretty, funny, loves Jesus...what is the deal? If she doesn't fit in with a bunch of unsaved peoples kids b/c we don't let her run amok...but when we take her to a christian school and she's too "bad" for them...what on Earth do we DO!? :idunno

I really have so many questions, i guess i just wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt so painfully out of place with their child?
Does homeschooling sound like a possibilty (i think it is)? If so how would i help her with learning boundries and socialization etc?

I am at a loss, just curious if anyone has ever been in a similar situation :hairout

thanks
franki

[wife]

homeschooling sound like a great option. My dd is the same way, not so much the lying, but she is bossy such. We homeschool but they go to school 2 days and well, we held her back there because it was a maturity issue. She does 1st grade work at home. Socialization would be better for her in a non structured setting. Also, I think kids learn better social skills when they are around people of a varying age group.

[KitsapGirl]

Have you had your daughter tested for a learning disorder? I know you probably don't want her labeled...I didn't either.

The situation sounds like my sons. He entered Kindergarten and was in the principles office in the first week...he told the theacher that something wasn't her business...and went down hill from there.

We have always told our kids that they are special. That God made them the way they are, and just because other kids are one way doesn't mean they have to be that way too. In fourth grade, we had him officially tested. We always knew he was ADHD...but we discovered that he had an anxiety disorder as well...other kids made him anxious. This was what we were really battling...

Anyway, the teachers were trying to get him to assimilate with the other children...something he did not want to do. When asked why he didn't play with the others he told the therapist..."they cheat, lie, and cuss. They pick on other kids, and hurt them.". As far as I'm concerned the other children are the ones who need to be fixed...not my son. I vented to one of the teachers after they were trying to get him to blend in more...Since I usually run from confrontaion, this was a big surprise to all involved.

Having the therapist work with the school and my family has really helped. He encourages my son to not condone what others do, but to look beyond what they do.

I'll not sugar coat this though...my son had been assaulted, picked on, he's a pariah. He is being persecuted for his integrity.

All you can do is your best, love your child, get her help, and communicate with the teaching staff...and realise that kids get into trouble.

(and yes, I actually hated my son for a while...he was very abusive to me and his sister...but God is faithful...He knew my heart, and what it would take to heal it)

[GreenEyedLady]

I really have so many questions, i guess i just wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt so painfully out of place with their child?
Does homeschooling sound like a possibilty (i think it is)? If so how would i help her with learning boundries and socialization etc?

I am at a loss, just curious if anyone has ever been in a similar situation :hairout

thanks
franki

This sounds like a discipline problem your daughter is giving teachers. I went through the same thing with my children. It is something you have to work with as their parent. Never criticize the teachers in front of them. Teach them to respect ALL authorities around them. Teachers, principles, pastor. etc.
the lying MUST be dealt with. I had this issue also and I made is to lying ALWAYS got a spankin, no matter what. No lying in my home ever. If they tell me the truth, the punishment won't be as bad as if they LIE about it.
Get a hold of your daughters lying. This is a sin that could make her miserable for the rest of her life. It is very possible that is the reason no one wants to play with her also. Once a child can trust her and sees that she no longer lies, she will be better off. My daughter had this really bad and we just spanked it right out of her. She always knows that Mommy and Daddy don't ever lie to her, so she should not lie to us.
Don't let the schools discourage you, rather take this as a big red flag for your daughter and get to the root of her lying.
I hope this helps you. I know its so hard to pop thier bottoms, but stay consistant and it will work. God's word NEVER returns void!:hat

[wife]

Spanking doesn't always work.. I know.. I destroyed my son because I was told that I need to spank him more often. So I did and to this day he won't even hug me or tell me that he loves me. I should have NEVER listened to these "well meaning" people who had no idea how to raise an ADHD son.... He works better with me removing things from him. My dd is much like the OPs and if I spank her she will do it again, I can remove something from her and she will do it again. She is 6 and I have been working on one thing for 3 years!!!

My middle boy can be spanked and he will listen, I can remove something and it doesn't faze him.

Yes, God's word doesn't return void, but the rod was also used to guide not just for beating.

[CircleSlide]

Get her tested! Many of the symptoms you said she has sounds like my son. http://www.autismspeaks.org/whatisit/learnsigns.php

Her problem with personal space, lack of using materials correctly, not making friends, interrupting, all sound like she might have some autistic symptoms.

Is she dogmatic with her beliefs (she actually believes the lie), is she concrete with her thinking (doesn't get sarcasm), does misinterpret social cues/body language?

[Sing4Him]

This sounds like a discipline problem your daughter is giving teachers. I went through the same thing with my children. It is something you have to work with as their parent. Never criticize the teachers in front of them. Teach them to respect ALL authorities around them. Teachers, principles, pastor. etc.
the lying MUST be dealt with. I had this issue also and I made is to lying ALWAYS got a spankin, no matter what. No lying in my home ever. If they tell me the truth, the punishment won't be as bad as if they LIE about it.
Get a hold of your daughters lying. This is a sin that could make her miserable for the rest of her life. It is very possible that is the reason no one wants to play with her also. Once a child can trust her and sees that she no longer lies, she will be better off. My daughter had this really bad and we just spanked it right out of her. She always knows that Mommy and Daddy don't ever lie to her, so she should not lie to us.
Don't let the schools discourage you, rather take this as a big red flag for your daughter and get to the root of her lying.

Agree. (It is possible that she might have ADHD BUT sometimes parents will LOOK for a reason to excuse poor behavior rather than be consistent in discipline. No's must be No's. )

I recommend Dobson's "The Strong Willed Child"

[Mrsppmrxky]

lying at that age seems to be a phase that most kids go through. I went rounds and rounds with one of my kids with that one. We went over and over scripture verses about lying is sin. Lying is rebellion, rebellion is like witchcraft...........abomination.......expalining all of it. We spanked her so much that I felt like I hated for her to come home from school.

I started calling her teacher............teacher would say, "MrsP you know that I would never do so and so." I would then say, "really? I asked littleP 3 times and she said that was exactly what she did. I guess she is 'lying' to me and I will have to take care of it." I would then spank her for lying. She had to apologize to the teacher the next day for lying. (I would write a note to the teacher telling her to let me know if she got the apology because if I were 'lied to' about the apology, then littleP would be in trouble again for lying.

The teacher and I worked it out so that if littleP said something happened, I would ask again and then say, now if Mrs Stone says no, you are going to get a spanking for lying.......sometimes littleP would wait until the last number was dialed before she changed her story.

One day I had reached the end of my rope and I had explained liars went to hell because of their rebellion and sin against God's rules. It didn't phase littleP too much, so I said, "OKAY, you are so anxious to experience hell fire which is hotter than any fire on earth, here taste a little bit of hell fire." I then gave littleP some tabassco sauce on her tongue and wonder of wonders, she stopped lying.

Each child is different. YOu have to stay behind them and get to the bottom of the problem.

As for homeschooling, yes she is a good candidate for that, if you are willing to work and make the sacrifices it takes to do the job.

As to the socialization, unless you are going to lock her in her room to never see another living soul on this planet besides you, then it will not be a problem. She has church children, neighborhood children and if you do sports, she will have socialization there as well.

[Comfort me]

My daughter has always been very articulate, artistic, and admittedly...over the top...as in personal space is not always a thing she gives people (BTW she's 6 and a half)..Last year she went to public school, and it was pretty bad on a few different levels but I'm going to just focus on one to get other parents POV on the whole thing. Her first semester aug-dec. she had a teahcer that was always giving her bad marks (for things like interrupting, "not using materials properly" and so on) It was almost an everyday thing...it got to where I dreaded picking her up b/c it was going to mean another disciplinary measure on my/my husb. part. Second semester it was like a light switch...that teacher moved b/c of her husband getting a new job (or maybe because of my daughter:doh) But from jan-may it was sooo much better...way less bad marks and an overall happy mood.

My daughter now goes to a christian private school, and i thought that our problems would be solved. NOT Here we are 8 wks into first grade, and her teacher/counselor/asst. principal (yes that's right all 3 were there) said if my daughter gets into trouble 2x more for the same thing (the issue is with lying) that she will be expelled. They also told me that none of the children will be her friend (except one out of "pity")...

I said all that to say/ask this from you all....The picture that they painted of my daughter, was one with a grim future...full of friendless school days and after school special style problems...but...this kid in the picture looked nothing like my daughter! She's very articulate, creative, pretty, funny, loves Jesus...what is the deal? If she doesn't fit in with a bunch of unsaved peoples kids b/c we don't let her run amok...but when we take her to a christian school and she's too "bad" for them...what on Earth do we DO!? :idunno

I really have so many questions, i guess i just wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt so painfully out of place with their child?
Does homeschooling sound like a possibilty (i think it is)? If so how would i help her with learning boundries and socialization etc?

I am at a loss, just curious if anyone has ever been in a similar situation :hairout

thanks
franki

My friend has some issues with his daughter. Private Christian schools tend to have teachers and leaders with a self righteous attitude. Not all of them but some of them. I know of kids who almost had a break down in a Christian school then their parents took them to another school and they were fine.

[GreenEyedLady]

l


One day I had reached the end of my rope and I had explained liars went to hell because of their rebellion and sin against God's rules. It didn't phase littleP too much, so I said, "OKAY, you are so anxious to experience hell fire which is hotter than any fire on earth, here taste a little bit of hell fire." I then gave littleP some tabassco sauce on her tongue and wonder of wonders, she stopped lying.

Each child is different. YOu have to stay behind them and get to the bottom of the problem.
.

THAT my dear is brilliant!:aha