i NEED SOME ADVICE ...PLEASE..

[A LIGHT TO YOUR TRUTH]

I have been feeling sick low iron..I sent my husband a message telling him "I am not feeling well i feel weak so i will be going to sleep" Usually he gets home 12am and wakes me up (which is fine) well i woke at 1:30am he's not here,2:30 am not here...he walks in 3:00am..so we're arguing until 4:30 am and i have to be at work at 7...(mind u he did this the night before too)I was furious because I am sick and wanted him and though he would think"ok let me go check on my wife she's feeling sick" But he didn't ...I aksed him and he said he though I didn't want to be bothered.....so he went to see his friend. This is really making me angry..am I wrong for feeling this way?????

Then he said"well I'll give up all my friends then...(which is not what I am saying)

I just though because i wam sick he wouldve WANTED to come b with me ,check on me......but instead he went to his friends house after work until 3am.... anyone please ..I am so frustrated:ohno:ohno

[Bamagirl]

Given that you are sick, men think differently than we do. He probably thought that he would hang out with a friend, and given his work hours isn't late. Did you try to reach him by phone? Has there been any other indicators that there might be something bothering him? Tell him why it hurt your feelings, calmly, and see what his reaction is. I have to give it to men, there are a lot of times they think they are doing whats best (in this case, letting you sleep). I bet if you would have emailed him that you didn't feel good but were looking forward to a hug and a little love to make you feel better, he would have came straight home.

Praying

[A LIGHT TO YOUR TRUTH]

yes but my point is i shouldnt have to tell him...he shouldve knew to come to me first...I am his wife.

[Birdwoman]

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"yes but my point is i shouldnt have to tell him."

What makes you think he can read your mind? If you needed him home you need to say so.

[jadeeyes]

It doesn't really matter if you feel like you shoudn't have to tell him. The point is, whether we feel it's right or not, sometimes we just have to bluntly tell our husbands that we don't feel well and need them home. Men don't think exactly the way we do and they don't aotuomatically know the things we think they should know without being told. We can cling to our dream of having a husband who knows our wants and needs without being told, but that will only lead to misery in your marriage. Do you want to be right or do you want to have a healthy marriage? If you want to be right, you can cling to your dream man who knows and dotes on your every whim. You'll probably be able to find plenty of women who will commiserate and agree with you. If you want to have a healthy marriage, you're going to have to accept the fact that your husband is who he is and choose to love and accept him, flaws and all. And you are going to have to tell him, in a loving and nonthreatening, nonaccusing way what you need and what you want. :hug

[Deepcallstodeep]

Given that you are sick, men think differently than we do. He probably thought that he would hang out with a friend, and given his work hours isn't late. Did you try to reach him by phone? Has there been any other indicators that there might be something bothering him? Tell him why it hurt your feelings, calmly, and see what his reaction is. I have to give it to men, there are a lot of times they think they are doing whats best (in this case, letting you sleep). I bet if you would have emailed him that you didn't feel good but were looking forward to a hug and a little love to make you feel better, he would have came straight home.



I totally agree with this. Perfect example: my dh and I were in the car, he had his window down, I was chilly... I said, "Brrr... it's chilly." No response from my dh. I said, "Why aren't you putting the window up? I just said I was cold!" He said, "If you want me to put the window up, just ask me to put the window up!" :) The point is... if you said you were tired and going to sleep, your dh probably took that at face value: you were going to sleep! If you need something different, tell him what you need. He might have been trying to be considerate, to let you sleep... not to be neglectful. Which is why he would be hurt if you were angry... he just didn't know what you really needed! Our husbands WANT to provide for our needs, men often love us through actions instead of words. Help him love you the way you want/need to be loved. :hug

[A LIGHT TO YOUR TRUTH]

i WANT A HEALTHY MARRIAGE NOT WHO'S RIGHT OR WRONG....Thank you all for advice and opinions..this is great to have a site of loving fellow Christians.......

[firstoftwelve]

yeah my hubby doesn't usually get hints, or what I think would be obvious either. Im unrealistic in what I wish he would automatically know.
He's told me he's like a radio and needs to be tuned in occansionally. :)
He totally takes things at face value, and prefers I be blunt rather than hinting or vague or coy.
And he prefers to be left alone when not feeling well, so he assumes the same of me.
Me, I want to be babied, but guess I haven't been sick enough for him to get it yet after 10 years LOL!!! :)

[Seller_of_Purple]

A) yes it wasn't thoughtful but
B) he isn't a girl so
C) Maybe you should (when it isn't a hot button issue) talk with him about it...you need to pray b/c you feel hurt and angry....then pray for his heart to be softened to you.

When i am sick i want to be left ALONE and my husband is the opposite...it took a few bouts with random illnesses before i realized he wanted to be taken care of....this was foreign to me b/c i am a solitary kind of person....perhaps he is too...perhaps he assumed you were just going to be asleep...perhaps his friend just got a new video game...or perhaps it was something else....either way you need to pray for him and yourself. I hope all goes well. I will pray for you!

[ByHisGrace]

Another way to handle this too, instead of starting an argument, try a different angle. Say something like "I was looking forward to you coming home from work, I always feel so much better when you're lying next to me. I feel safe and protected."

Knowing that his masculine qualities are needed, I think he will be sure to take care of you next time.

You get more flies with honey!