My 9 year old daughter is fearful

[chel0524]

Suddenly, my 9 year old DD is afraid to sleep in her room at night. Please keep in mind that she has mild Aspergers and gets worked up easily.

She is not having anything going on in life that would trigger any type of fear. She has slept in her room her whole life alone at night with her little nite lite. A few weeks ago, she came back into the living room and wanted to know if she could sleep on the couch so that she could be closer to our bedroom. She said she was just feeling a little afraid. Of course we let her. She's a great kid. Straight A student, has lots of friends.

I don't know what is casuing this. She has wanted to sleep there every night since. We are letting her. My husband says he doesn't see a problem with it as long as she's getting a good nights sleep. I kind of agree. I kind of don't.

Do any of you all have any advice?

[Deepcallstodeep]

Well... take my response with a grain of salt because many might not agree with me. When I was a child, I was terribly afraid of the dark and my parents would lock me in my room when I kept getting up and begging to sleep with them, and sometimes I would sleep on the floor outside their bedroom door because I knew I'd get spanked and locked in my room if I woke them up. So when I had my children, I vowed to myself that their feeling of love & security would always come first. I co-slept with my kids for several years in the baby/toddler stage, and now that they are 4 and 6, there are still times after they wake up with nightmares or when they are sick that I sleep with them in our guestroom. My husband is understanding and supportive of this. So I am not doing anything that he disagrees with.

If your daughter feels better sleeping on the couch near your room, and you and your husband are in agreement, let her do it when she needs it! Pray with her about the things that are scaring her or bothering her... now that my kids are getting older I encourage them to call on Jesus first when they are afraid. My older son will come in to get me in the middle of the night maybe twice a month now, and he always says, "I talked to Jesus mommy and I feel better but I still need a hug." This blesses me because God has made me a mom so that I can "be" the comforting arms of Christ to my child until the Lord Himself can actually embrace us in Heaven.

I just want to fill my kids with the sense of security #1 in Jesus and #2 in me and my husband, that they will keep with them forever as they grow into independant people. As they get older we do encourage them more and more to handle their fears on their own with God, but we will always be here for them when they need more. Growing up is very scary sometimes!!!! And you never know what might scare them... I find out sometimes weeks later that my son has been upset by something he heard at school or something he saw on the news inadvertantly... the world is a very scary place. But running into the arms of Jesus and to our parents, knowing they will be received with love and understanding and compassion, can be the rock they need behind them to thrive.

Just my 2 cents. Hope this helps.

[Mrsppmrxky]

It could be that someone at school has said something to her that scared her. With Halloween coming up, it is possible that she is fearful of that.

When you are together, ask her what she is feeling and ask her why she is feeling this way. In talking with her about her fears, you need to point her to Jesus. The feeling of fear is not for Him, but for the author of all lies. The Holy Spirit exudes peace.

Alway remind her of scripture. It helps me to know that my Father never sleeps nor is surpised. He gives angels to watch over us. It brings so much peace to ask for protection. Even now at almost 50, I can find myself praying for this sweet peace.

I hope that you get to the bottom of this so that your daughter can have peace.

P.S. Is it possible that the 'fear' could be conviction of her need of salvation? I remember hearing about hell and really being upset and not wanting to go there.

[KitsapGirl]

Suddenly, my 9 year old DD is afraid to sleep in her room at night. Please keep in mind that she has mild Aspergers and gets worked up easily.

She is not having anything going on in life that would trigger any type of fear. She has slept in her room her whole life alone at night with her little nite lite. A few weeks ago, she came back into the living room and wanted to know if she could sleep on the couch so that she could be closer to our bedroom. She said she was just feeling a little afraid. Of course we let her. She's a great kid. Straight A student, has lots of friends.

I don't know what is casuing this. She has wanted to sleep there every night since. We are letting her. My husband says he doesn't see a problem with it as long as she's getting a good nights sleep. I kind of agree. I kind of don't.

Do any of you all have any advice?

Has she told you what she's afraid of? Fears are best faced with someone to support you...Maybe it will take someone sleeping in her room with her for a few nights. Fear has to be stopped. Left on its own it can become debilitating.

My own daughter was terrified of spiders...but afraid of the dark also. We faced her fear of spiders by educating her about spiders, playing with spiders - real ones - but what did it in the end was my explaination of why she was probably afraid of spiders...she had one crawl accross her belly when she was VERY young. She had been afraid of them ever since. Now she takes it upon herself to squash any spider in the house, and steer clear of any outside.

The dark was harder, but it eventually went away. I slept with her on a Friday nights...we had "girls night". Girls night consisted of a movie, foot bath, manicure, pedicure, silly hairstyles, and laying awake in her room in the dark. We talked about the silly shapes we could see in the moonlight. We pray at bedtime anyway, but these nights were special...and so were our prayers. On the nights I didn't sleep with her, she had a little flashlight that she could look at what was scaring her....her backpack looked like a gnome one night, her mirror seemed to move another...When SHE was able to face it on her own the fear went away.

My Grandmothers "Get back on the horse, or you'll regret it" rings so very true. If we allow our fears - rational or not - to rule us, we become weak slaves to the fears.

[chel0524]

Thank you all for the advice. She is not afraid of anything specific. No problems at school, not fearlful of anything Halloween related.

I am thinking more and more that it's just a phase. I don't feel uncomfortable with her sleeping on the couch. She has been the only child who hasn't co-slept with us. She did not want to as a baby. She did not sleep well with us - she slept better in her crib.

Our other 2 kids come and get in bed with us a couple of times a week. I think that I'll just let her ride this out the way she is doing it. If she only needs to be closer to us and not in bed with us, that's fine.

Deepcallstodeep - I agree with alot of what you say. My main goal in life is to make our kids feel protected and loved. I am so sorry for what you went through as a child. You sound like a good mommy!

[AnnaC]

I would let her sleep on the couch or even in the bed with you if she needs to. Obviously it is also important to teach her Biblically about fear, and not to be afraid, etc, as other posters have mentioned.

I remember dealing with this to some extent when I was a kid. If you forced her to go back to her room then that could multiply the fear and make her that much more afraid. I think that being there to comfort her and help her when she needs it will help her to overcome the fear.

I just noticed that you said that you don't want her in the bed with you. Is there any way you would consider letting her sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor? I remember doing this as a kid some nights and I really liked it. Just knowing that my mom and dad were there if i needed them really helped. Sometimes we just need to know that someone is right there in case something scary happens.

I'm sorry if that didn't make much sense- sometimes I have a hard time transferring it from my brain to the keyboard! :lol2

[chel0524]

I would let her sleep on the couch or even in the bed with you if she needs to. Obviously it is also important to teach her Biblically about fear, and not to be afraid, etc, as other posters have mentioned.

I remember dealing with this to some extent when I was a kid. If you forced her to go back to her room then that could multiply the fear and make her that much more afraid. I think that being there to comfort her and help her when she needs it will help her to overcome the fear.

I just noticed that you said that you don't want her in the bed with you. Is there any way you would consider letting her sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor? I remember doing this as a kid some nights and I really liked it. Just knowing that my mom and dad were there if i needed them really helped. Sometimes we just need to know that someone is right there in case something scary happens.

I'm sorry if that didn't make much sense- sometimes I have a hard time transferring it from my brain to the keyboard! :lol2

I think I misstated myself. I don't mind at all if she sleeps with us. She just never wanted to and still doesn't want to. As a matter of fact her 2 younger sisters sleep with us just about every night (boy does our bed get crowded!). I would be all for her sleeping with us if she needed to. She just wants to be on the couch though. That's fine I guess. I guess I just have this thing about people sleeping on the couch. :idunno We usually have a "slumber party" in the living room every Saturday night with all three of the kids. They watch movies and sleep in the floor and just have fun. There's just something about sleeping on the couch that bothers me I guess. I hadn't realized that until just now as I typed it! Weird.

Yes, I think if it makes her feel safer to be on the couch, that's where she needs to be.

[adam423]

When my son was younger, he went through a time when he was scared at night. He was having bad dreams (I found out later that a cartoon scared him...he stopped watching it)

My solution was to pray with him before he went to bed that he wouldn't have bad dreams. Even now, he prays sometimes not to have bad dreams. Prayer worked wonders from him and he learned to trust that God was with him, even in the dark.

[AnnaC]

:thumb Now that you mention it, my parents always prayed for our dreams too. I think its a good idea.

[christianmom]

Well... take my response with a grain of salt because many might not agree with me. When I was a child, I was terribly afraid of the dark and my parents would lock me in my room when I kept getting up and begging to sleep with them, and sometimes I would sleep on the floor outside their bedroom door because I knew I'd get spanked and locked in my room if I woke them up. So when I had my children, I vowed to myself that their feeling of love & security would always come first. I co-slept with my kids for several years in the baby/toddler stage, and now that they are 4 and 6, there are still times after they wake up with nightmares or when they are sick that I sleep with them in our guestroom. My husband is understanding and supportive of this. So I am not doing anything that he disagrees with.

If your daughter feels better sleeping on the couch near your room, and you and your husband are in agreement, let her do it when she needs it! Pray with her about the things that are scaring her or bothering her... now that my kids are getting older I encourage them to call on Jesus first when they are afraid. My older son will come in to get me in the middle of the night maybe twice a month now, and he always says, "I talked to Jesus mommy and I feel better but I still need a hug." This blesses me because God has made me a mom so that I can "be" the comforting arms of Christ to my child until the Lord Himself can actually embrace us in Heaven.

I just want to fill my kids with the sense of security #1 in Jesus and #2 in me and my husband, that they will keep with them forever as they grow into independant people. As they get older we do encourage them more and more to handle their fears on their own with God, but we will always be here for them when they need more. Growing up is very scary sometimes!!!! And you never know what might scare them... I find out sometimes weeks later that my son has been upset by something he heard at school or something he saw on the news inadvertantly... the world is a very scary place. But running into the arms of Jesus and to our parents, knowing they will be received with love and understanding and compassion, can be the rock they need behind them to thrive.

Just my 2 cents. Hope this helps.

Yeah, what she said. :)

My 9 year old daughter sometimes goes through these phases. I let her sleep in our bed because my husband works nights and I do not want her to be scared. Sometimes, on his days off and if she's going through this phase I let her sleep on our bedroom floor next to our bed. She still sleeps with two night lights in her room, a cat on her bed and another in her doorway. We always pray for "sweet dreams" before going to bed.