Marriage is falling apart and I'm ready to leave.

[Trevormac]

My wife had a personal crisis a few years ago with tendinitis which caused her to lose her job. She has since become very bitter against God and has been hanging out with girls much younger than herself of questionable morals. My wife is very pretty and looks a lot younger than her 37 years, so she can sort of fit in with these girls. She met them taking a makeup course to retrain for a new career. She's been drinking more and more which she says alleviates her wrist pain and frankly I'm getting fed up, as I grew up with an alcoholic parent and don't want to go through that again. Here comes the worst, she had an affair 3 years ago which we went to counseling for, but she relapsed a little while ago and only left the guy after much badgering by me. She still goes out with guys alone which I've told her is completely inappropriate especially considering her past, but she says it's harmless meetings for coffee but I know what these men all want. Also, she tells me how much she resents me checking up on her and monitoring her phone and computer activity which I never did before the affairs. I've told her where the door is if she has a problem with it.

Basically I've come to the conclusion she never really was a Christian, although I have to leave that final judgment up to God, and the cares and trials of this life (Seed Sowing Parable) have stripped away her veneer of Christianity from her Christian upbringing. My situation is complicated by the fact that she doesn't make much money and if I leave I have to keep paying the mortgage and get my own place. I finally told my mom and a few friends recently, I had kept it to myself for over 2 years. My mom is willing to let me move in with her while I sort things out. In any case, I see no hope for this situation outside of the supernatural and my marriage is in ruins. My wife says she loves me but those words are empty after everything she's done and even if I can forgive her, I can't trust her anymore.

I'll admit I wasn't the man I was supposed to be either and didn't lead like I should have. I'm not strong enough to be around her and do the things I'm supposed to do as a Christian man. I feel very lonely going to church by myself and church activities when I look around at all the Christian couples. If any of you have experience with this from your own lives or from family or friends who have gone through similar situations I would greatly appreciate advice. I certainly need a lot of prayer as only a change in her heart and a desire to obey God will assure me that it's worth fighting for my marriage. I really want to do better too, and it would be nice to go forward with my wife. Sorry to lay down such a heavy message when I'm a new member.

[tjplaw]

I'm sorry this has happened, but PLEASE keep your faith and seek God and His wisdom.

Obviously she's committed adultery and what you stated maybe more that once?

Have you considered asking her to move out?

I pray I never experience this, but if my wife cheated on me, I would ask her to go to the doctor and get checked for STD's.

I will include you in my prayers, Keep The Faith OK.

Tom

[Julian4jc]

If my wife cheated on me, i would definitely leave her. I pray she knows better. But then thats me, some people are able to live with it, but i can't.. For her to be intimate with another man would be too much for me to bare.

[Mitsy]

She has already comitted adultery. She is not being faithful to you. I don't blame you if you divorce her. It takes both spouses to make a marriage work. I see you have prayed, undertaken counselling, talked to her and I hope shown her you are willing to love her and care for her as your wife. There is nothing more left.

My husband is a divorcee, went through something similar and unfortunately he had children (the only reason he put up with it in the end). His ex-wife eventually left him for the last guy she was having an affair with. Her loss my gain.

[yeshua'sbride]

My wife had a personal crisis a few years ago with tendinitis which caused her to lose her job. She has since become very bitter against God and has been hanging out with girls much younger than herself of questionable morals. My wife is very pretty and looks a lot younger than her 37 years, so she can sort of fit in with these girls. She met them taking a makeup course to retrain for a new career. She's been drinking more and more which she says alleviates her wrist pain and frankly I'm getting fed up, as I grew up with an alcoholic parent and don't want to go through that again. Here comes the worst, she had an affair 3 years ago which we went to counseling for, but she relapsed a little while ago and only left the guy after much badgering by me. She still goes out with guys alone which I've told her is completely inappropriate especially considering her past, but she says it's harmless meetings for coffee but I know what these men all want. Also, she tells me how much she resents me checking up on her and monitoring her phone and computer activity which I never did before the affairs. I've told her where the door is if she has a problem with it.

Basically I've come to the conclusion she never really was a Christian, although I have to leave that final judgment up to God, and the cares and trials of this life (Seed Sowing Parable) have stripped away her veneer of Christianity from her Christian upbringing. My situation is complicated by the fact that she doesn't make much money and if I leave I have to keep paying the mortgage and get my own place. I finally told my mom and a few friends recently, I had kept it to myself for over 2 years. My mom is willing to let me move in with her while I sort things out. In any case, I see no hope for this situation outside of the supernatural and my marriage is in ruins. My wife says she loves me but those words are empty after everything she's done and even if I can forgive her, I can't trust her anymore.

I'll admit I wasn't the man I was supposed to be either and didn't lead like I should have. I'm not strong enough to be around her and do the things I'm supposed to do as a Christian man. I feel very lonely going to church by myself and church activities when I look around at all the Christian couples. If any of you have experience with this from your own lives or from family or friends who have gone through similar situations I would greatly appreciate advice. I certainly need a lot of prayer as only a change in her heart and a desire to obey God will assure me that it's worth fighting for my marriage. I really want to do better too, and it would be nice to go forward with my wife. Sorry to lay down such a heavy message when I'm a new member.


IMO, Trevormac, this is the reason she's with you at all. :hug

You are in my :prayers.

[jeshurun]

My heart goes out to you. Seems to me like you are aware of what you need to do. Be strong.

I'd talk about this to a lawyer also & not just a marriage counsellor.

[ChristineMarie]

:hug



praying for you

[Trevormac]

My heart goes out to you. Seems to me like you are aware of what you need to do. Be strong.

I'd talk about this to a lawyer also & not just a marriage counsellor.


I've talked to a lawyer and got the papers to start things off with the division of assets. I live in Canada and there is no fault divorce so it's a very simple split down the middle. We have no children which I'm actually thankful for because of the situation.

The relapse was with a different man, so there is a pattern of serial cheating and frankly I'm not so sure the 2 men I know about were the only ones. As for getting her to leave, forget about it, she'd never agree and honestly I think that's the main reason she keeps telling me she loves me is she views me as the gravy train. She's terrified of being alone as she's never really had to support herself, she went straight from living with her parents to living with me. If when I move out she refuses to get her own place the lawyer I spoke to said I can just stop making the mortgage payments and the bank will sell the place out from under her and give us our share of the money, but at a slight loss.

[Zaphnathpaaneah]

Sorry to hear about this. I don't have great wisdom on this that I can share with you, but I'd say you need someone to talk to other than a lawyer, or even a marriage counselor. Do you have a Pastor you can sit down with?

For yourself, you need to do a lot of praying, and maybe even fasting. I'll say a prayer for you.

I hope God gives you peace through this situation.

:pray

[MochaMel]

You're a good man to have put up with so much! I am a woman -- and i can honestly say i don't know many men if any that would do what you have done to save you marriage. I give you a huge kudos for doing what you've done. :hug

I think it may be time to leave though by your posts.. She is not even trying to salvage the marriage.... If she loved you; she would not continually be doing this destructive behavior.

Counseling would be good; but if faced with her still not willing to try i would say you have an out biblically speaking.

I'm SO sorry this is happening to you. Many women would die for a man to love your wife the way you have.. I'm sad she's not one of them. You're probably right that if she had God in her life things would be very different. But her actions have shown she is not living with God as the center of her life.

I'm praying for you.. no real wisdom here; other then to say you sound like a man giving it his all for this relationship.. and sadly you are not being respected and it's time to leave if things don't REALLY change.. Love is NOT just words; it's an ACTION. She is not showing it. :ohno

I'm sorry brother.... :hug

Mel