What are moms supposed to do?!?!

[Architectlink]

Ok, MOMS-- I have been praying about this for a LONG time, and I want to know what the Lord wants us to do in these situations. I feel that this is a question about being GOOD STEWARDS of what we have been given, and all around me everyone is WASTING time, energy, health, appearance on wasteful addictions. Isn't bad stewardship. laziness and wastefulness a sin? (for committed Christians)...

Ecclesiastes 10:18
If a man is lazy, the rafters sag; if his hands are idle, the house leaks. Ecclesiastes 10:17-19

What is a mom to do when no one will listen? Pray and go to the elders in the church? Pray and come to Raptureready?

While I don't mind doing occassionally doing someone else jobs***, I feel that it is not my job to CONTINUALLY put down the toilet seat, clean my husbands car out, clean his office, coordinate everyones drawers, make their beds, put the dishes away, etc...but they NEVER remember to do it and they won't take the time to do it if they are tired, hungry, late for anything, watching tv or during any other excuse. Consequently I UNLESS I am standing over them continually with threats and punishment nothing gets done. Homework doesn't get handed in at school, bills don't get paid. I don't work in my profession any more so that we can homeschool the kids, but at some point I just wish that everyone else would pull their own weight with themselves.

(***Some of these are REAL dangers BTW, because letting your tires go bald or not fixing the broken seatbelt or not locking the doors endanger the rest of the family beyond the person who just "forgot" again--and dog pee or poop left on the carpet is a danger to ones health...so I can't let many of these things go )

I.E. just to see what would happen, I have left the trash for weeks at a time, and unless I put it out, it gets forgotten. I have left dirty underwear on the floor where it was dropped, and honestly it could stay a year if I didn't pick it up. Lightbulbs don't get replaced, filters stay dirty, car maintenence gets neglected, yards don't get mowed, etc, etc, etc. I feel like I live with a bunch of people who are addicted to being slobs.

It seems to me that addiction to entertainment and bad stewardship is a sin.

The head of our household procrastinates on every chore and never keeps promises. When I bring it up with the pastor I he doesn't seem to comprehend my frustration....it just starts a big argument every single time. BTW, most of his family do not speak to him because of his promises which never come to thruition.

I am going to search what the bible says about being good stewards of what the Lord has given us, and keeping promises and getting rid of idol worship (of entertainment and letting other people always do our job).

Please pray about how to address this situation. (PS--if you have the urge to suggest I write lists, or remind people, or start/stop doing their jobs, or readdress the situation with them, I have tried everything with them and every counselor and pastor I can think of)....this is something I pray that the Lord will address.

[Architectlink]

Exodus 5:8
But require them to make the same number of bricks as before; don't reduce the quota. They are lazy; that is why they are crying out, 'Let us go and sacrifice to our God.'
Exodus 5:7-9 (in Context) Exodus 5 (Whole Chapter)

Exodus 5:17
Pharaoh said, "Lazy, that's what you are—lazy! That is why you keep saying, 'Let us go and sacrifice to the LORD.'
Exodus 5:16-18 (in Context) Exodus 5 (Whole Chapter)

Proverbs 10:4
Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.
Proverbs 10:3-5 (in Context) Proverbs 10 (Whole Chapter)

Proverbs 12:24
Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor.
Proverbs 12:23-25 (in Context) Proverbs 12 (Whole Chapter)

Proverbs 12:27
The lazy man does not roast his game, but the diligent man prizes his possessions.
Proverbs 12:26-28 (in Context) Proverbs 12 (Whole Chapter)

Proverbs 19:15
Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry.
Proverbs 19:14-16 (in Context) Proverbs 19 (Whole Chapter)

Proverbs 26:15
The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.
Proverbs 26:14-16 (in Context) Proverbs 26 (Whole Chapter)

Ecclesiastes 10:18
If a man is lazy, the rafters sag; if his hands are idle, the house leaks.
Ecclesiastes 10:17-19 (in Context) Ecclesiastes 10 (Whole Chapter)

Matthew 25:26
"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?
Matthew 25:25-27 (in Context) Matthew 25 (Whole Chapter)

[Architectlink]

Here is what the bible says on hospitality

Romans 12:13
Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12:12-14 (in Context)

Romans 16:23
Gaius, whose hospitality I and the whole church here enjoy, sends you his greetings. Erastus, who is the city's director of public works, and our brother Quartus send you their greetings.
Romans 16:22-24 (in Context)

1 Timothy 5:10
and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.
1 Timothy 5:9-11 (in Context)

1 Peter 4:9
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
1 Peter 4:8-10 (in Context)

3 John 1:8
We ought therefore to show hospitality to such men so that we may work together for the truth.
3 John 1:7-9 (in Context)

[farmgirl]

Hide the playstation, TV, and remotes in different places. Place clues where they will only be found if things are cleaned up in an area. Write a note explaining this "game". Leave for a weekend women's conference. :heh

:hug

[lisa]

Some of what you mentioned in your list could be just the way you prefer them, but aren't completely necessary. For example, your husband's office. If he is content to work in a mess, perhaps leave it be. Same thing with drawers that contain clothing. Families can be fully functional without perfectly organized drawers.
However, I would institute some new policies in the house: 30 minutes of chores for the kids before any entertainment media can be used. Inspections to be performed before the TV is turned on, Playstations are used, etc. And if things aren't to spec, don't fix things for them, don't let it affect you emotionally, simply tell them to keep at it and you'll check back in 20 minutes.
Saturday morning chores should be the same way. 30 minutes of work by everyone (lists of work can be given out, or create a routine that the kids know they are to do) and inspections should be done before any play time. I know you can't force your husband to do this, but the kids do need to help out.
Also, if possible, see if you can perhaps hire a cleaning lady to come in every other week for a few hours to do some of the bigger jobs.
www.flylady.com is good for creating systems of cleaning in the house.

The thing is, you can't make everyone have the same need for clean that you have. You certainly can't force another adult to get on board. You may need to let that part go with your husband as it makes you upset. But your kids do need to learn to keep clean and having them help is necessary.

Just my $0.02. It's by no means perfect. :hug

[Live4Jesus]

I understand your frustration. I've been dealing with the same thing since I became a mom almost 20 years ago. It doesn't stop. Sometimes it gets worse, sometimes it gets better.

I don't have any advice to you other than to take away the things that are causing your children to be distracted away from what they need to do.

Rule is - you need to complete these tasks every day before you are allowed to go out and play, watch TV, play video games, or whatever it is they get distracted with.

I can't tell you what to do about your DH. He's an adult. I'm sorry he's a promise breaker. I've dealt with that too. It's hard! Especially when promises are made to the kids and he doesn't follow through. I finally sat my DH down one day and told him that he had already lost 2 of his children because of his behavior (their relationship is strained), did he want to lost his last one? He's been better but not as great as I'd like. But I'll take what I can get.

[lisaann]

I started using this almost a year ago and it has changed our lives. :nod :thumb They have all of their chores in a "chore pack" that clips onto their shirt. If they are forgetful clip it to their sleeve so it is too annoying to ignore. :heh Give them a reasonable, set amount of time to accomplish it and if it isnt done in that time then they get a meaningful punishment. Such as: if the toys aren't picked up then they get thrown, or given, away. I only had to do this once to get them on the stick.

Make this a part of your daily routine. Punish every time they don't live up to the standards. They need to be a part of making the house run. You are not their maid/slave. Get lovingly tough. This is non-negotiable, they need to do it or face the consequences.

http://www.titus2.com/ecommerce/products/prod_listing.php/1150

[lisa]

Wow, that's really cool lissann! :thumb

[christianmom]

I used to be totally obsessed with my house being spotless -- to the point of getting all stressed out and making myself ill. I have been a SAHM a year ago yesterday so that I could homeschool and to keep my house impeccable, like I want it to be. Rude awakening!! My son, 17, takes out the trash and feeds the cats and mows the yard like he's supposed to albeit sometimes with a little prodding from me. He still leaves the bathroom sink and mirror all wet after he grooms himself. My daughter, who is 9, still has to be told to pick up her toys, clean her room, brush her hair and her teeth...etc., etc. I've thrown a couple of her toys away that weren't picked up in a timely manner.

My husband still leaves his clothes where he takes them off and no amount of threats will change things. I gave up a couple months after I started staying home. To me it wasn't worth the stress and the headaches. Unfortunately, you and I are not alone in this. My consolation is that when they grow up and get their own place I will go and make a mess there for them. I've told them this too. So, my house is clean but lived-in. I'm not letting the little things bother me anymore; it's simply not worth it.

Believe me, sister, I feel your pain. :hug

[House of Light]

I am right there with you.....All I do all day is clean up the mess my family leaves for me the day before. I have mountains of laundry to do. Preteens with bedrooms so awful that they are a fire hazard. I have one child(he's 8) who will do any sort of job....practice his piano, and homework, without ever asking. His room gets messy....but he gets to a point and cleans it. I am tired. I have thought of going on strike. Last weekend, I worked until 1:30 am(feeding hunters at our local steakhouse). I got home to a kitchen full of dirty dishes. I sat down and cried. DH said that he didn't "see" what the kitchen was like...since he was so tired from a day of hunting.

A few weeks ago, when I came home from work, the kitchen was terrible. (We do not have a dishwasher.....other than me....). Angry, I loaded up the oven with all of the dirty dishes. Washed up the countertops, and went to bed. Sunday afternoon, dh askes what is for Sunday night supper...I tell him that the oven is out of commission due to the fact that it is loaded with yesterdays dirty dishes. I can't cook until the oven is clean....along with the dishes. They waited awhile, until they started to get good and hungry, and finally did the dishes. (this is kind of a joke now that it was said and done).

I have done a few other things in my exasperation. My oldest son will tell me, "Mom, my room is half clean." Uh huh....so, I took his laundry out of the wash, without drying it, and handed the wet clothes to him. His ten year old face was stunned...I answered, "well, son, your laundry is half clean."

I don't know if it is laziness as much as being taken for granted, you know? An older lady I worked with told me that one day, a few weeks ago, her hubby walked in on her scrubbing the toliet. He asked her what she was doing.....here the guy thought that toliets "just stayed clean".....because someone always did it before he came home from work. He didn't know that his wife actually "cleaned it". She laughed as she told me about her "self cleaning toliet."

I know that my family is not "lazy"....just when it comes to housework. They work and play hard, and rarely just sit around. They just think we a have a "self cleaning" house, or something.