Question for all you Moms out there, from a Dad!

[GodFearin'VikingsFan]

OK....I know I am kinda off limits here (kinda like wandering into the ladies' room when I was a kid), but I have a small burden I am dealing with at home, regarding my young son (seen in the picture by my name). I'm looking for a Mom's perspective on how I can deal successfully with this issue.

Here's the deal.....

My little boy is 20 months old, and he LOVES his Daddy...I mean LOVES LOVES LOVES me. My wife and I are good parents....nurturing, loving, protective, all the things a parent is supposed to be.

He has chosen me as his "favorite" parent....he asks for Daddy the second he wakes up, wants to play with Daddy, wants me to feed him, bathe him, EVERYTHING!!!

Now please, keep in mind, I love this! I adore my little boy...he is my heart and the center of my universe (except, of course, for Christ). I have been there from the beginning...every doc's appointment, the birth, every illness, everything. Dirty diapers, runny noses, boo-boos, I am an extremely involved father, and I'm proud of that.

The problem is that this is driving the wife NUTS, and it's really hurting her feelings. She is grateful that I am such a good Dad, and she certainly wouldn't change it, but it is really wearing on her heart that he wants little to do with her. He loves her, but he thinks Daddy hung the moon. I keep trying to explain to my wife that he is that way with me because I am the "amusement park"......tickle fights, funny voices, playing chase, stories, all the fun stuff.

Any advice or thoughts on how I can foster a closer relationship between my kiddo and his Mom? I certainly cannot back off of my parenting styles, and would never neglect him...but I want to help ease my wife's pain.

Any help or guidance from all of you Mommies would be greatly appreciated.

[topekaclark]

This is perfectly normal. I have had 4 kids and only the last one is a mommies boy. As a new mom in the beginning I was hurt but as he gets older he will become more of a Mommies boy.

My husband didn't have a father figure in his life and my "fathers" had issues. We, I and my dh, really feel bless to see that special bond. Just remember it's harder for new moms to understand.

As far as the amusement part, that's very true. I rough house but I can't fly them through the air on one arm as daddy does.

[NewWorldOrder]

How wonderful that your son loves you so much. :thumb You must be a really great dad.

It is normal for him to be doing this. What I suspect will happen is he will be this way with you for a while, then it will be mommy's turn. Your wife really shouldn't have her feelings hurt over this, but she's probably feeling more left out than anything. Do you try to include her in the tickles and giggles? He loves his mom too, but it's different. My oldest daughter was a daddy's girl. She went everywhere with him, and he loved it. As she got older, she started becoming a mommy's girl. It may be the same with him. :hug

[KitsapGirl]

Good answers all! Yes, it's true that children both boys & girls will "flip-flop" between parents.

For the longest time, my son didn't want even a hug from me. This went on for a few years, and I was heartbroken, until an older wiser mom told me that it was normal...it was his way of putting his love for me in perspective. This was in elementary school...he's 13 now, and kisses me goodnight (on the lips!), every night. He openly says I love you mom, and even takes grief from his friends for it. Those few years were well worth it.

Keep on keeping on...it'll be her turn soon enough!

[House of Light]

Agreeing with other posts....this is totally normal. My kids go through spurts....(we have 5)....of being mommys kiddo or daddys. Right now, my two yr old is a mamas boy...but give him a few months and he'll be a daddys boy. Its really got to do with their developement.....

[GodFearin'VikingsFan]

Yep....Mom is included a good portion of the time (granted, he and I have lots of alone time together....I like to take kiddo into his room for a while each evening, just he and I, so we can play and give Mommy a break.....gotta help her keep her sanity!)

We also found out that we are expecting Spawn #2 (firmly tongue-in-cheek there) in June, and I am hoping to not have a repeat of all this. Seems to me that this is normal for kiddos, and she'll just have to deal with it, with my help. I want to help her through this and help her see that things will change as he gets older.

[hapimom98]

Oh yes, what you are experiencing is normal. They will go back and forth between parents. I try to encourage a good, close relationship between our two sons and my husband because I know a strong, close father/son (or father/daughter,for that matter) is essential in a childs life.

In my own humble opinion, I think Dad's have more of an impact on a child than a Mom. (positive or negative). But that's just me.

Tell your wife just to hang in there and don't look to a child for her emotional fulfillment. Just get her involved in more....let your child see you and her spending time together, snuggling, hugging, kissing.... Make sure you keep your wife more of a priority than your child.

God bless. Your child is blessed to have you in his life.

[GodFearin'VikingsFan]

Definitely, Hapimom98......

Kiddo always sees Mommy and Daddy holding hands, sitting close on the couch, laughing, etc......he sees us having a good relationship, to be sure.

Also, the wife is, indeed, THE priority. I hope that I did not give any false impressions when I spoke in my OP about my son being the center of my universe......I guess you could say they share the same orbit? Hopefully you know what I mean.

[Steffie]

In agreement with all of the above said. I have a son and a daughter and they have both gone through being mommy's or daddy's baby, usually different times for each. :) With your wife expecting, it may also be her hormones being all wacky from the pregnancy that is causing maybe a bit more emotion, which we ALL go through in pregnancy, alot more sensitive to things than we would normally be.

Just keep encouraging your wife that this is normal and in no way means he loves one more than the other. He loves you both, but as with most families, daddys are the "playmates" and that makes daddy more fun, especially when they are younger. Just keep loving him and nurturing, and he will be just fine, and your wife will have her turn sooner or later with the wanting her all the time.

God bless!
Steffie

[MochaMel]

OK....I know I am kinda off limits here (kinda like wandering into the ladies' room when I was a kid), but I have a small burden I am dealing with at home, regarding my young son (seen in the picture by my name). I'm looking for a Mom's perspective on how I can deal successfully with this issue.

Here's the deal.....

My little boy is 20 months old, and he LOVES his Daddy...I mean LOVES LOVES LOVES me. My wife and I are good parents....nurturing, loving, protective, all the things a parent is supposed to be.

He has chosen me as his "favorite" parent....he asks for Daddy the second he wakes up, wants to play with Daddy, wants me to feed him, bathe him, EVERYTHING!!!

Now please, keep in mind, I love this! I adore my little boy...he is my heart and the center of my universe (except, of course, for Christ). I have been there from the beginning...every doc's appointment, the birth, every illness, everything. Dirty diapers, runny noses, boo-boos, I am an extremely involved father, and I'm proud of that.

The problem is that this is driving the wife NUTS, and it's really hurting her feelings. She is grateful that I am such a good Dad, and she certainly wouldn't change it, but it is really wearing on her heart that he wants little to do with her. He loves her, but he thinks Daddy hung the moon. I keep trying to explain to my wife that he is that way with me because I am the "amusement park"......tickle fights, funny voices, playing chase, stories, all the fun stuff.

Any advice or thoughts on how I can foster a closer relationship between my kiddo and his Mom? I certainly cannot back off of my parenting styles, and would never neglect him...but I want to help ease my wife's pain.

Any help or guidance from all of you Mommies would be greatly appreciated.

My youngest son was like this... It hurt my feelings too; and i didn't know how ot be close to him b/c Daddy was numero uno -- gosh there was a time i wondered if he even liked me.. :twitch

He is now 7 y.o. and in the last 1.5 or so; we have become VERY close.. He has finally noticed me. I had to do a lot of praying about it; and including Mattie in things... Etc. BUT as he has gotten older he adores me.. We are very close now... Maybe they can encourage your wife some; it was really good for my hubby -- he had lost time with his oldest son when he was little and i thought this is God's gift to him with our ds...

:hug and for your wife too! I know it can be painful...

Mel