question about waiting for a relationship....

[Lisababy]

I have a question for anyone that has an opinion on the topic of relationships... I'm sure that fits about everyone on here! :aha

I am a 27 year old single mom of 2 toddlers, ages 4 and 3. I have never been married and their father and i are no longer together. It's been 4 years since we split. i know that sounds funny since we have a 3 year old together, but the basic story was, he left me when he found out i was pregnant with our second child. :twitch anyway, this thread isn't about him.

I have not had a serious relationship with a guy in the last 4 years. Some of it is due to my pickiness (is that a word? :hehee) and some is due to my actual picking of the wrong guy. well i have made a decision that i am going to wait for God to lead me to the right man, a godly man, a good man. BUT, i feel like it's taking FOREVER!! i know that forever to us is just a nanosecond to God and He has a plan for that part of my life, but i just can't stand the waiting and not knowing when or where or who or why. :idunno

Any advice on how to make me less impatient or at least feel less impatient about this? HELP ME! :console i am afraid i am going to lose my mind and attack the next prospect i come across hahaha :runhills

[jadeeyes]

First, let me commend you on making the right decision. Doing the right thing is usually a lot harder than doing the wrong thing. One big reason it's so hard to do the right thing is because, even as born again believers, we still have our carnal flesh to deal with and our carnal flesh is constantly seeking instant gratification. At the same time, we live in a world that tells us that we should make ourselves #1 in our lives and do whatever makes us happy and makes us feel good. The problem with worldly happiness is that it is fleeting. We should opt instead for the joy that comes from God and is part of the fruit of the Spirit. That joy transcends our worldly circumstances. To make matters worse, we have an unseen enemy goading us to defy God and seek to satisfy fulfillment of our own selfish desires. The best way I know to counteract all of these obstacles is to fill your heart and your head each day with God's Word and to be in constant communication with your Heavenly Father. Each day, praise God for Who He is and thank Him for all He does. Also, ask Him to give you the strength and endurance to wait upon Him. Make a choice each day to wholly trust Him to provide for all your needs including your need for male companionship.

[tlword]

To add to what jadeeyes is saying, it may be of help to occupy your mind and time. Maybe with volunteer work or hobby or something. If you have a home church maybe they have something to offer to help you in this area. Or help out in a soup kitchen. When God knows you are ready He will bring someone into your life at the right time.

[NewWorldOrder]

Are you waiting for a man you wish to marry? Why didn't you and the father of your two children ever get married? I mean, obviously, he wasn't husband material, but if people are going to make children together it should be done within marriage. You didn't mention if you were looking for a husband, just for a guy. I know this sounds harsh, but it is a very important question.

[Lisababy]

If you have a home church maybe they have something to offer to help you in this area.

i think that this is part of why this issue is coming to the front of my mind here lately. I don't have a home church right now. been looking for a new church for the past 6 weeks. thats part of the reason i signed on here because at the moment everyone from my old church is scattered about looking for a new church and i don't have a solid base of believers (besides a few friends) to fall back on. it's an uneasy feeling not having a church that i belong to. I was a member of my old church for about 5 years. only church i had EVER belonged to. then some circumstances came about (not bad circumstances, just things that were in God's plan for our members) that led to our congregation finding new churches.

It sounds bad but it wasn't really. hard to explain without writing a novel of details.

keeping myself busy is a wonderful idea, i think i need to find something that my children and i can occupy ourselves with for the time being.

[Lisababy]

Are you waiting for a man you wish to marry? Why didn't you and the father of your two children ever get married? I mean, obviously, he wasn't husband material, but if people are going to make children together it should be done within marriage. You didn't mention if you were looking for a husband, just for a guy. I know this sounds harsh, but it is a very important question.

doesn't sound harsh. i wasn't saved when him and i were together. i got saved during the relationship and he didn't. i was still doing things wrong even though i was saved (surprise surprise) but he was also abusive to me and the kids. drugs, alcohol etc... not a good situation. i think him dumping me when i got pregnant the second time was the best thing (besides Jesus) that ever happened to me.

And i definitely did not mean i was looking for just some guy. I am ready to settle down and be married. i guess i left that part out... :doh lol

[tlword]

Maybe a hobby you can do together. Your kids may be too young for this, but maybe a martial arts class together, pottery class together, some YMCAs offer parent/child fitness classes, or maybe you could all take up painting together.

[NewWorldOrder]

doesn't sound harsh. i wasn't saved when him and i were together. i got saved during the relationship and he didn't. i was still doing things wrong even though i was saved (surprise surprise) but he was also abusive to me and the kids. drugs, alcohol etc... not a good situation. i think him dumping me when i got pregnant the second time was the best thing (besides Jesus) that ever happened to me.

And i definitely did not mean i was looking for just some guy. I am ready to settle down and be married. i guess i left that part out... :doh lol

Ok. :hug Thank you for clearing that up and not taking offense. First of all, kudos to you for being patient and waiting on the Lord. I don't really know what to tell you except that you're doing the right thing by being picky, and waiting on God to provide the right man for you. In todays age you really must be very particular with who you choose to give your heart, because there is so much deceit in the world. It is very difficult to be single today because of it.

Keep praying, and try to be content in your life now. I know that's difficult sometimes, but if you keep Christ as your focus you'll be much better off. Right now your children are priority, and you want a husband who will make them a priority as well. You definitely need to find a church home, and get involved there. Who knows, maybe your future husband is in a church waiting patiently for his future bride.

[topekaclark]

God has that special person for you but it will be in his time, when all the pieces fit together. You may not be ready for it or that someone may not be ready.

I have seen women who rush into a relationship because of wanting to be married, it always ends in a divorce.

I think right now I would keep praying on it, grow closer to God every day and see what his will is for you.

[Watching & waiting]

Well this will sound dumb and probably aggravate you because it always did to me when people would tell me, but here goes... make Jesus your husband right now. Concentrate & focus on Him. I know it is hard, when you are alone trying to raise children etc. & you are used to having a man around to do helpful things & for companionship. But take this time to let God work in you, while you do have "alone" time. After the kids go to bed, put on christian music and read the bible or pray. This is such a great time & opportunity to really just talk to Him and get to know Him and what His will is for your life. I know, I have been seperated for 4 years. I have been able to spend the time to draw really close to the Lord without "interference" from someone else if you know what I mean. Having an earthly husband takes alot of time & energy and you might not be as free to pray, praise & worship, sing and dance, cry... etc... whatever the spirit leads you to do. Hearing this from other people used to irritate me because I was tired of being alone. But looking back I am really glad that I waited on the Lord to bring me someone that He has for me. Plus it gave me such an opportunity to grow closer to Him.