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light4mypath
December 16th, 2007, 08:58 AM
Just to give you a little background on my daughter--She just turned 18 a couple of days ago, She id Bipolar, has Borderline Personality Disorder, and is ADHD.....

She likes the shock effect of things. She goes to a psyc doc and a therapist, and when I tell them about her doing things to get a reaction out of me, they simply tell me not to react....:twitch For the most part I try not to. Sometimes it is just HARD. Wed we were eating out for her bday dinner and her boyfriend was there.....she says "Mom, look what Red did when he bit Joes neck" (Red is a new coon pup Joe has), and I looked at it, and it was a hickey. :rolleyes I told her it was a hickey not a pup bite that I wasn't stupid, and asked Joe if the pup really bit him and his face got red. (Joe is a good boy, and won't lie to us), and he shook his head. I then turned to my daughter and said "why do you have to lie? Then the subject was dropped. I just turned away and tried to finish eating.

The day before that, we were out of power again, and DH went up to subway. I wrote on paper exactly what I wanted. She goes up to Subway with DH and he stays in the vehicle yapping on the phone, she goes in and gets the food. When they get home, I am looking for my sandwich........
This is what I ordered:
Turkey w/ bacon
lettuce
tomato
pepperocini
black olives
light vinegar and oil
Italian bread, toasted

THIS is what I got
salami, pepperoni, ham
provelone cheese
cucumbers
lettuce
tomato
peppercoini
green peppers
black olives
mayonaise
bread (don't know what kind), untoasted

:shocked:shocked:shocked

I had it WRITTEN ON A PEICE OF PAPER.......yet she remembered 3 other sandwiches that wasnt written down?

She said she "forgot", yet had the list in her hand. She KNOWS I can not eat pepperoni-- it tears my stomach up....

So I picked off everything and ate 1/2 of the sandwich. I was livid.

The whole time she was sitting there occasionally looking at me.

Wanting a reaction.....

I only ate half of it, and threw the rest away. No body else wanted it.

Yesterday we got over a foot of snow. Her friend cane up here the night before to spend the weekend with her as part of her bday present. Well we got all this snow so her friend was told she needed to go home so she wouldn't get stuck up here. My daughter went with her, and calls me a couple of hours later and says she got her tongue pierced....That was her friends bday gift to her.....:doh I was quiet on the phone. I am sitting here with no power in a cold house, and she is telling me this o the phone......She keeps asking me, are you mad? are you mad? I finally said, "I don't like it......."
She says "well it didn't hurt and it isn't swelling, and I don't want you mad"
I told her she doesn't care what I think, or tell her anyway, so why should it matter now....Still not trying to give her a reaction....
The thing is, I was already upset because they were going to be driving about 55 miles in this snow. It was BAD out, I was a nervous wreck, and was worried they wouldn't make it in one piece. They are just kids, and driving in this is a task for adults. It was all highway from our house to hers.

It is like she goes out of her way to torment me.

She takes meds, for her disorders, but she likes to make me miserable.....

So now she will come home and and all I will here about is this tongue piercing, how do I not react???

She has put me through soooooooooooooooooo much the last couple of years and I am just worn out. Just worn out.

topekaclark
December 16th, 2007, 10:20 AM
She won't keep the tongue ring long, it's a faze.

I would offer her a really hot cup of joe, watch her drink it.

The ring will cause her problems down the road and she will get rid of it. She's 18 and foolish, it will pass. Don't react to it. I have found out with people, if they are trying to get me going, just lay on being really nice. It drives them crazy.

yeshua'sbride
December 16th, 2007, 10:35 AM
Sounds rough right now, light4mypath. I sympathize with you.

I'd rethink the whole non-reaction thing and instead try to give a reasonable, measured reaction, but that's just me. IMO, all children need to know there are limits to unacceptable behavior.

Another thing I'd like to point out is that she's 18 now.....she has the option to either shape up or go make her own life. And you have the option to legally tell her it's time to go.

I don't want to sound harsh, but she'll continue to mistreat you and cause chaos in your home only for as long as you allow it.

:pray:pray:pray

light4mypath
December 16th, 2007, 10:42 AM
She won't keep the tongue ring long, it's a faze.

I would offer her a really hot cup of joe, watch her drink it.

The ring will cause her problems down the road and she will get rid of it. She's 18 and foolish, it will pass. Don't react to it. I have found out with people, if they are trying to get me going, just lay on being really nice. It drives them crazy.

a hot cup of joe.......:pound

:hug

yes, it is all about getting the reaction. For the most part I can restrain from giving her a reaction, but it so hard. When she has her hypomania episodes it is worse than ever, which makes it difficult to overlook things, because it is nonstop. :panic And it seems that if she can't get a reaction one way, she will take a step further. Her "ideas" are getting bigger and bigger.....

She got her belly button pierced in this past May. It still has not healed yet.....gets infected all the time, because she picks at it (she is obsessive/cumpulsive abotu picking), as well as didn't/doesn't take care of it. I hope she doesn't have the same issue with her tongue...:rolleyes

light4mypath
December 16th, 2007, 10:57 AM
Sounds rough right now, light4mypath. I sympathize with you.

I'd rethink the whole non-reaction thing and instead try to give a reasonable, measured reaction, but that's just me. IMO, all children need to know there are limits to unacceptable behavior.

Another thing I'd like to point out is that she's 18 now.....she has the option to either shape up or go make her own life. And you have the option to legally tell her it's time to go.

I don't want to sound harsh, but she'll continue to mistreat you and cause chaos in your home only for as long as you allow it.

:pray:pray:pray

You are not sounding harsh. I agree 100%. The mental issues she has is what makes it difficult. She suffers severe depression with her disorders, and has been suicidal before. My priority is her well being, in the meantime, the house hold stays upside down. She would never make it on her own if she had to move out at this point, and I shudder to think what could happen.

I have tried to set limits. She just pushes, pushes, pushes. It is exhausting.

My mother also has Bipolar disorder. It is so bad that she has to take shock treatments, and I can not even go around her.

I am trying so hard to save my daughter and to help her to learn to control all of these disorders instead of letting them control her, but anymore I am at a loss as to what to do or say. I make sure she takes her meds daily, but it seems as though anything else is a moot point.

It is mind boggling......

Live4Jesus
December 16th, 2007, 11:36 AM
sending my sympathies as well.
on my DD's 18th bday she got her belly button pierced - "you can't do anything about it, I'm 18"
2 months later she's moving in with a boy she just met and has only seen 4 times and is on probation for domestic violence.

she asked us to help her rent a Uhaul so she could move her stuff - we told her no because we weren't going to help her do something we don't approve of.
She said "ok whatever, I'll just get someone else to do it"

I've told her that she's being very worldly. She doesn't care.
I just keep praying that the Lord will step in somewhere before she ends up pregnant or worse.

She's the 1st woman in the family that can make something of herself. Her future is so full of promises.

Praying for your daughter to see the light and strength, wisdom and peace for you.

Live4Jesus
December 16th, 2007, 11:45 AM
DH says "she likes shock value? see how she likes it seeing her clothes in trash bags outside your front door and a locked door. She's going to act like that she doesn't belong in the house."

light4mypath
December 16th, 2007, 12:01 PM
Live4Jesus,

:hug

I feel your pain. This daughter was the one out of 5 children that had it all going for her too. She would have gone the farthest as well. She had done so much missionary work, and wanted to be a missionary when she grew up.

Her disorders became very obvious, and her behavior did a 360.

Her meds have helped, but they keep tweaking them. Docs say when she gets to be about 25 her harmones and chemicals in her brain will balance out, and things will be a whole lot different (combined with her meds).....Right now that seems a very long time away :panic

She's going to act like that she doesn't belong in the house."

I did tell her that 2 years ago. She ran away and was gone 2 weeks. Told everyone I kicked her out of the house. :ohno

Her behavior has pretty much alienated me from everyone and everything.

Will sure be praying for your daughter :hug:hug

Live4Jesus
December 16th, 2007, 12:09 PM
yep, our DD took off last year and was gone for a week
she also has ADHD, ODD and has depressive tendancies (although I think a lot of the depressive things is for attention). I wouldn't doubt that she will be diagnosed with bipolar later in life as I am bipolar as is several other people in the family
she's one of those kids that if someone else is doing it and getting attention (whether it's good things or bad things) she will emulate whatever it is.

We've had problems with her since she was 13 - that's when she ran away for the first time. And I'm with you - I'm done. Tired of it all. And even though I don't approve of her moving in with this punk kid, I am relieved that she is moving out. No tears will be shed the day she leaves - which is supposed to be Friday. Is that horrible?

thanks for the prayers! :hug

MochaMel
December 16th, 2007, 12:24 PM
Sadly it's NOT horrible Live4Jesus... My oldest we moved out a few months back... Couldn't take it anymore; for us the parents or his siblings being affected by his behaviors, attitudes, blatant dis-respect and drug usage, etc. By the time we finally said goodbye i was quite peaceful about the decision and haven't felt bad barely at all.. My only bad feelings are the continual poor choices he makes. Sometimes they need this kick in the butt; to get their lives back on track where they should be.

I personally think it may be the only way to get them to stop this; it may not happen tomorrow or even in a year; but in the long run you will be sane; and they will know that you are not tolerating this crap!

Light4mypath; she is being SO dis-respectful towards you; trying to get a reaction all the time; my son did this kind of garbage from time to time. Not on the scale you describe but enough. Maybe it's time for some major prayer about even letting her stay with you anymore. This CANNOT be healthy for you or anyone else in the house. This sounds purposeful to me... Add, Odd, whatever is NO excuse for this behavior.. You are entitled to so much more respect and love then that.

The piercing doesn't bother me to much in itself; it's the doing it for the effect of irritating you.. I have a belly piercing; no one ever sees it though - except hubby and the occasional friend i show it too; well that is before i removed the jewelry a few months back for pregnancy. Though the tongue ones gross me out.... She seems to be doing this not b/c she necessarily likes it or wants it; she's doing it to spite you! That's NOT right! I was lucky mine was never infected and most that do get infected should be removed; it's really nasty i hear when they become infected; i'm surprised someone hasn't told her to remove it. AND those tongue ones get mighty painful i hear; and can become mighty infected if not cared for properly.. :fear

I suggest the hot coffee, soup, tea or whatever.. Even something really cold might hurt.. *ooh isn't that evil of me* Okay i've rambled on and on....

Anywho, i pray for God to give you the answers you seek in this and some serious peace.. :hug