Wife's running partner

[sublimeone]

Here's the story:

My wife is a casual runner and a few months ago asked if it would be ok if she started running with a male friend. I wasn't crazy about the idea, but I allowed it since I hate running myself. I noticed shortly after starting running with this person her monthly text messaging went through the roof. Then about 2 months later, at a wedding, a drunk friend of mine was obviously stepping over the line and saying some inapropriate things to her. Her failure to shut this behavior down immediately led me to realize she doesn't understand how to properly set boundaries with members of the opposite sex.

Following this, we had a long discussion about how to handle these situations in the future. I thought she understood, then two weeks later I pick up her cell phone and she freaks out. I ask her what she's hiding from me and ask to see her text messages. She refuses and erases them. At that point I tell her she will no longer be running partners with him. She argues quite a bit but stops the running.

She continues to tell me they're just friends and she would really like a chance to run with him in the future. I'm starting to soften up and consider it until yesterday I pick up her phone and see a text message from him. He had just taken a class that teaches some different running techniques. The message says, "I'm out of the class. Call me. I miss u."

I nearly blow a gasket. She tells me he only wrote that because they've become good friends and he misses not running together etc...I tell her that no guy would write something like that if he isn't interested on some level.

A few things to consider as well:
1. She's 26 and good-looking
2. he's 30 and single

I know my wife would never cheat on me, I just think she's naive and I feel like this guy is not respecting our relationship and that's were the anger comes in. He's a nice enough guy and I've hung out with him a handful of times I just don't think this is appropriate. She talked me out of calling him last night and she called him and told him that they can no longer run, talk, text etc...

I've pretty much told her, from personal experience, a single guy is not friends with an attractive girl just to be friends, he's attracted to her. The reason he seems like such a great friend is because it's a phony friendship, the guy is romantically interested in you, therefore it's not a friendship. Am I wrong here?

After writing this out I know I did the right thing but would still appreciate any feedback.

[Biblecat2]

That text message was definitely inappropriate to send a married women. I hope she accepts your concerns and stays away from him.

[Tall Timbers]

It is my belief that it is inappropriate for a married man or woman to be jogging partners with a member of the opposite sex who is not their spouse, unless it is a larger group where it is not just the two of them.

She continues to tell me they're just friends and she would really like a chance to run with him in the future. I'm starting to soften up and consider it until yesterday I pick up her phone and see a text message from him. He had just taken a class that teaches some different running techniques. The message says, "I'm out of the class. Call me. I miss u."

I also believe that it is inappropriate for your wife to be communicating like this with this 3rd party male unless she is in your presence. My thoughts are that infidelity has occurred and you're being dishonored by your spouse.

While my wife doesn't know the Lord and has victimized me in all sorts of ways over the years, I never thought she would become adulterous, until she did that as well. What you're describing here are the first steps of an adulterous relationship. Best to take this seriously now and deal with it strongly and perhaps with Christian counseling if that is available.

Bless you as you seek the Lord in your life.

[sublimeone]

It is my belief that it is inappropriate for a married man or woman to be jogging partners with a member of the opposite sex who is not their spouse, unless it is a larger group where it is not just the two of them.



I also believe that it is inappropriate for your wife to be communicating like this with this 3rd party male unless she is in your presence. My thoughts are that infidelity has occurred and you're being dishonored by your spouse.

While my wife doesn't know the Lord and has victimized me in all sorts of ways over the years, I never thought she would become adulterous, until she did that as well. What you're describing here are the first steps of an adulterous relationship. Best to take this seriously now and deal with it strongly and perhaps with Christian counseling if that is available.

Bless you as you seek the Lord in your life.
I appreciate your feedback, it is my feeling that you are correct in your assessment.

[Anddra]

After writing this out I know I did the right thing but would still appreciate any feedback.

The relationship was inappropriate but from what you say it sounds like the male "friend" is more at fault. Your wife may simply have been deceived.

[sublimeone]

The relationship was inappropriate but from what you say it sounds like the male "friend" is more at fault. Your wife may simply have been deceived.
Yes, this is what I believe as well. I think men and women look at relationships differently. I think most women could be friends with a man for years and a sexual thought would never enter their minds, while I don't think the same can be said for most men.

I think my wife is a bit naive when it comes to this sort of thing which is why I'm not making a bigger deal out of this. Thankfully she's obedient and when I put my foot down, although she may argue, she accepts my decisions.

[Metania1]

I can see why you would have a concern. It is not to say that your wife has done anything wrong, but why allow for the possibility of temptation or doubt in your mind right? I personally would not have told her to not be running partners with the other individual. Instead, you should ask your wife if she would be interested in helping you build up your health and meeting you half way by walking togeather as opposed to running for a period of time. By doing this you will be spending more quality time with her and removing any doubts that you might have.

[sublimeone]

I can see why you would have a concern. It is not to say that your wife has done anything wrong, but why allow for the possibility of temptation or doubt in your mind right? I personally would not have told her to not be running partners with the other individual. Instead, you should ask your wife if she would be interested in helping you build up your health and meeting you half way by walking togeather as opposed to running for a period of time. By doing this you will be spending more quality time with her and removing any doubts that you might have.I think your stratedy would be effective in many situations but not this one. With a situation like this I think it's more important to nip it in the bud than to be diplomatic.

[Felkers]

I lost my 1st wife that way - her boss asked her to to start jogging with him and it wasn't long before they "friends" and she moved out to eventually be with him.

She was 24 and he was late 40's. They didn't last long and about 5 years later he got caught molesting two little girls - This guy was "respected" in town - owned a large business, voted Chamber of Commerce's citizen of the year once and was the preacher for a small church.

Soooo, I'd be worried.

Felk

[ByHisGrace]

Sublimeone,

You definitely made the right choice in putting your foot down. I do not think a married man/woman should have a personal friendship/relationship with the opposite sex. Good for you for seeing the warning signs and taking action. This guy probably had a crush on her.

Also, they encourage married couples to work out together and to do athletic activities/games together because it helps them bond. This isn't something to do with the opposite sex when you're married.