What would you do -- Looooong story

[christianmom]

There is a friend who has legal guardianship of a 7 year old little girl. This friend likes easy money. Has several children by several different men. I'm only giving this information to give you a little bit of background on said friend. She has, on several occasions, commented to me that she is looking for an old rich man that will pay her bills and take care of her.

The little girl comes over to my house and spends days here with my daughter who's around the same age as she is. This friend (the only mother she has ever known) does not call, come by or check on her. Little Jenny (not her real name) does not know my friend is not her biological mother and I would never divulge that information to her as she is hurting enough already and it is not my place to do so.

Since she has been spending time here (including holidays) I have noticed that there is an air of sadness about her demeanor. She is happy when she is here. She constantly tells my daughter and me that she doesn't want to go home. I have found out through a mutual friend that the little girl is abused. The woman that has legal guardianship has told the mutual friend of ours that she hopes God can forgive her because she cannot bring herself to love little Jenny. She has had the opportunity to legally adopt her since Jenny was born as the biological mother never wanted her to begin with. It costs only a few hundred dollars (I've checked into this) she has herself told me the biological mother has called her and asked her when she will be able to get the adoption done. She claims she cannot afford it. I know for a fact that there have been times where she does have the financial means to do it. Even so, I've told her I would pay for the adoption so she can be her legal mother. She has declined.

Jenny is always treated like one of the family when she is here. I've always showed her that I love her like my own and when I buy something for my daughter I buy the identical thing for her as well. I want her to know that she is a valuable and much loved little girl. I constantly tell her she's beautiful and that she is very special to me. Little Jenny is never hugged by her "mom" so I try to show her what love is. She is constantly yelled at and slapped for doing things any normal child does on a daily basis; e.g., leaving toys lying on the floor, forgetting to turn off the lights when she leaves a room, getting loud and running around the house.

My heart aches for little Jenny but I am scared to do anything about it. I'm afraid that if I turn her in to CPS that she will end up in a foster home and get lost in the shuffle and I will never see her again. I'm afraid that she will end up worse off than she is. I feel she was put in my path so I could do something but don't know what.

I've been praying so hard that the Lord will show me the way and give me the courage to do His will in this situation. I would take Jenny in a heartbeat. Her "mom" is losing their home because she refuses to get a job and be responsible. I have given her money, made business cards for her to start her own business, given her merchandise to sell at a local flea market and paid to renew her auto's registration because I want her to get ahead. All to no avail. I offered to keep Jenny until she gets on her feet again. We are waiting to hear from her mortgage company to see if she will be allowed to stay a little bit longer or if she will have to move out in the next couple weeks.

Can anybody here point me in the right direction? I'm doing my best to be a good Christian friend but I'm at my wits end. If I say nothing Jenny will have to wait years until she is old enough to call me should the time come that she feels like running from the abuse. The alternative is what I've already posted above, risk little Jenny being taken by CPS and put in foster care.

If you've read through this whole thing, God Bless you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If I sound desperate that is because I am. What would you do?

[iSong6:3]

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[Nova]

I've never been in a situation like you describe. I had to look up "legal guardianship." From what I gathered, the guardian is usually a relative. So is this friend related to the birth mother? If so, the birth mother might be trying to keep Jenny in her extended family. And that might be a barrier to you becoming her foster mother.

I, too, have mixed feeling about reporting to CPS. It is hard to know what will happen after you report her. I expect, she will try to prevent Jenny from being at your house. A better choice might be to document (ie get pictures) of the abuse. Plus the pictures might make it easier for the birth mother to accept the need for Jenny to live elsewhere. Or to have your mutual friend do the reporting. That way you could step in & say you are interested in being her foster mother.

If your friend is a relative, she may have felt pressured to take Jenny. Perhaps with counseling she could become a better mom. Although based on her character (as you described it), I doubt she is the best mom even to her own children.

Ultimately Jenny's well being is most important.

[yeshua'sbride]

There is a friend who has legal guardianship of a 7 year old little girl. This friend likes easy money. Has several children by several different men. I'm only giving this information to give you a little bit of background on said friend. She has, on several occasions, commented to me that she is looking for an old rich man that will pay her bills and take care of her.

The little girl comes over to my house and spends days here with my daughter who's around the same age as she is. This friend (the only mother she has ever known) does not call, come by or check on her. Little Jenny (not her real name) does not know my friend is not her biological mother and I would never divulge that information to her as she is hurting enough already and it is not my place to do so.

Since she has been spending time here (including holidays) I have noticed that there is an air of sadness about her demeanor. She is happy when she is here. She constantly tells my daughter and me that she doesn't want to go home. I have found out through a mutual friend that the little girl is abused. The woman that has legal guardianship has told the mutual friend of ours that she hopes God can forgive her because she cannot bring herself to love little Jenny. She has had the opportunity to legally adopt her since Jenny was born as the biological mother never wanted her to begin with. It costs only a few hundred dollars (I've checked into this) she has herself told me the biological mother has called her and asked her when she will be able to get the adoption done. She claims she cannot afford it. I know for a fact that there have been times where she does have the financial means to do it. Even so, I've told her I would pay for the adoption so she can be her legal mother. She has declined.

Jenny is always treated like one of the family when she is here. I've always showed her that I love her like my own and when I buy something for my daughter I buy the identical thing for her as well. I want her to know that she is a valuable and much loved little girl. I constantly tell her she's beautiful and that she is very special to me. Little Jenny is never hugged by her "mom" so I try to show her what love is. She is constantly yelled at and slapped for doing things any normal child does on a daily basis; e.g., leaving toys lying on the floor, forgetting to turn off the lights when she leaves a room, getting loud and running around the house.

My heart aches for little Jenny but I am scared to do anything about it. I'm afraid that if I turn her in to CPS that she will end up in a foster home and get lost in the shuffle and I will never see her again. I'm afraid that she will end up worse off than she is. I feel she was put in my path so I could do something but don't know what.

I've been praying so hard that the Lord will show me the way and give me the courage to do His will in this situation. I would take Jenny in a heartbeat. Her "mom" is losing their home because she refuses to get a job and be responsible. I have given her money, made business cards for her to start her own business, given her merchandise to sell at a local flea market and paid to renew her auto's registration because I want her to get ahead. All to no avail. I offered to keep Jenny until she gets on her feet again. We are waiting to hear from her mortgage company to see if she will be allowed to stay a little bit longer or if she will have to move out in the next couple weeks.

Can anybody here point me in the right direction? I'm doing my best to be a good Christian friend but I'm at my wits end. If I say nothing Jenny will have to wait years until she is old enough to call me should the time come that she feels like running from the abuse. The alternative is what I've already posted above, risk little Jenny being taken by CPS and put in foster care.

If you've read through this whole thing, God Bless you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If I sound desperate that is because I am. What would you do?


When you offered to keep Jenny while the guardian gets on her feet again, what was her response?

I think in whatever manner she replied to that offer is key in understanding how willing or unwilling she would be to relinquish her custody of Jenny to you. I'm not sure why, but I don't really see the birth mother as being much of an obstacle.

I also agree with iSong and Nova about leaving CPS out of this, at least for now, as it seems like that step would make it more complicated for you to gain custody of her in the long run.

Your love for Jenny, and hers for you, comes across in your writing, and I pray that God will reveal His will in His timing so that Jenny can become a part of your loving family. Please let us know how it all works out. :hug :pray

[christianmom]

Thank you, ladies, for your responses; they are much appreciated. Jenny's legal guardian is not related to the biological mother.

Just yesterday I was talking to my friend about just letting me keep her if she is that much of a burden on her and she said and I quote, "I have invested too much money in raising her, I cannot just hand her over to you." The thought immediately came to me that she wants money for Jenny. That is illegal and I refuse to do that. Jenny is not an object that can be bought and no amount of money can be put on a human life; especially that of a young child.

A few weeks ago while Jenny was with us for the Thanksgiving holiday, I was driving to Sams to pick up a few things. The radio started playing "How Far is Heaven" and Jenny piped up with a sad look and told me, "Diane, that's my most favorite song in the whole wide world and in my life." When I asked her why she replied, "because that's how I feel." I felt so terrible thinking how could a child that young feel so hopeless in such a short time.

I am glad you ladies feel the same way about CPS. There is just too many bad things happening with children that get caught up in the red tape and I do not want to lose touch with Jenny. I must say that the legal guardian told me I could have her on school holidays, weekends and whenever summer vacation came around. My heart jumped for joy! I did tell her she couldn't blame me if I kept asking her to allow me to adopt little Jenny because she is a special little girl to me. She only smiled when I told her that. I am going to start documenting the information and I will sign up for becoming a foster parent just in case Jenny ends up there. I will fight for her legally if I have to. Jenny has nobody but me. Only God can help us now. I am appalled how cold she is to her biological children as well. They are afraid to speak up, however, so they would not be a good witness should the need arise.

[iSong6:3]

I will be praying, and please keep us updated.

[christianmom]

Oh, iSong, absolutely! I will continue to pester her to let me keep Jenny every chance I get. She knows this because I told her that several times. You are also correct in feeling that all we can do is pray for God to touch her heart so that Jenny can come be part of our family. My husband said to me just tell her she will be fine and we already have a spare bedroom that could be transformed into Jenny's room. There are times when I ask her that I feel like she is finally going to say yes so I keep at it. At least this way Jenny will have a place of safety she can stay in while she is not in school.

I will keep you updated of the situation. Jenny will be 8 a week from tomorrow. If I must keep this friend close for the next however many years until Jenny can decide legally where she wants to live then so be it. God is at the helm of this and I trust in Him with all my heart that the right thing will be done when the time is right.

[Nova]

I'm sure you've already considered this. But I would weigh how much danger Jenny is in. If she is in danger of physical/sexual abuse-I'd report her guardian to CPS regardless.

[iSong6:3]

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[christianmom]

Nova,

I've discussed this with my husband as well and I am going to have a talk with Jenny to let her know that she can talk to me no matter what it is about. I want to give her the vehicle of trust that she can use with me without her being afraid I would tell her "mom" thus risk getting her into more trouble. Now, I have not witnessed any abuse myself so I cannot testify to this but two different friends of the "mom" have told me. Jenny has also told me she gets yelled at a lot.

Many times when I have gone to pick her up she has either not eaten at all or has only had cereal. I usually pick her up in the middle of the afternoon. I've told her that I cook all the time, her mom doesn't, and that she needs to tell me when she's hungry and I will make her something to eat. But she must speak up.

Her mom and I are total opposites. She's had a nanny that she hasn't paid in 6 months but because the nanny cannot afford to leave and feels bad for the kids she stays regardless. I cook all the time and my nails are short and stubby from housework. She likes to have her nails done all the time. She dresses very provocatively, I like long dresses/skirts or loose-fitting slacks. She loves wealthy men. Money is not really important to me. God has blessed our family beyond our dreams and I want to help others less fortunate. Doing this, however, brings a lot of undesirable people into my life. I try to help everybody that comes into my life one way or another. This time it is little Jenny. I'm going to keep a sharp eye on Jenny for any physical abuse and I will make sure she knows she can come to me any time anywhere. If she needs to have her teacher call me then I will go speak to the teacher myself and give her a headsup on the situation.