Lisababy
January 7th, 2008, 11:47 AM
I had an "experience" last night that I wanted to share with all of you. This is going to be kind of a long story so thank you in advance to all of you who make it throught the entire post.
I have struggled the last 6 months or so with backsliding in my faith. I have always had trouble remembering to pray every day and i think that has contributed alot to my backsliding. I haven't been staying in the Word like I should and have gotten waaayyy off track. I've struggled with temptations dealing with drugs, alcohol and men, to name a few. The last few months have been extremely difficult for me. I know that what i have been doing is wrong but yet i would still do it, over and over and over and over again
Well yesterday I happened to catch a sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley on tv before i left for church and he was speaking about forgiveness, the part that hit home was when he was speaking about believer's who ask for forgiveness for the sins they continue to commit and can't understand why they keep backsliding.. (i felt like he was saying my name the whole time). He explained that forgiveness is not only being sorry for the sin but also making a commitment to God to not continue those sins. So then i go to church and the sermon is about making changes in your life, about how the time is NOW to start over and make those committments to sit back and let Him make those changes in your life. Woah, freaky, right?
well, last night i put my curler's in my hair and laid down to go to sleep. As I'm laying there, I decide that i want to talk to God and as I start praying (btw i was praying to tell God that I was ready to make those commitments to Him to let Him work in me and change me and recommitting myself to Him), I started thinking horrible thoughts while i was trying to talk to God and i stopped praying and thought, i need to get my head right before i talk to God, how can i talk to Him with these "other" thoughts running through my head? And i mean these thoughts i was having were really bad, i kept picturing dead people and people murdering other people in my head, sick thoughts, it was really scary. Then it hit me: that's the devil trying to keep me from making my commitments to my Lord and Savior and i'm actually going to let him win by making me stop praying.
then i remembered a verse, not sure what chapter, maybe someone can help me out with this, the verse was: "resist the devil and he will flee from you". so i got upset and told the devil to leave me alone, that my God was bigger than he will ever be, that i was not going to let him keep his claws in me any longer, i had had enough! i felt very silly talking to the devil, by the way, this entire conversation going on in my head made me feel as though i was mentally insane. :hehee
Well, the amazing part was as soon as i was finished doing that, i felt this immense calm come over me. Something i haven't felt in a long long time. I felt happy, content and peaceful and as i lay there just amazed at the feeling, i noticed that where my curlers sat on my head with the heat coming off them it felt as though someone was cradling my head in their hands, just holding it up and i felt so comfortable and relaxed. Now i know in my head that it was the curlers and the way they were laying on my head and the pillow but in my heart i like to think that it was God going "see lisa, you finally got it, you understand now what i have been trying to tell you all along but you just couldn't see. Resist the devil, tell him that you are following Me and he will leave you alone, you have the Holy Spirit in you, I will take care of you now, i will help you through this"
It was a freaking awesome feeling, i don't know any other way to describe it!!!!! :yeah :yeah :yeah
So I finished my praying, thanking and praising God throughout my prayer and ended up falling off to sleep and slept like a baby for the first time in years. :sleep
I'm just amazed that God still loves me after i have been a complete wretch, i have know His Word and still pushed it away. I made a profession of faith on Easter Sunday 2005 and have been in church every sunday since then. But i let certain people into my life and became involved with them way deeper than i ever should have gone and let myself be tempted and stumble and have caused some other christians stumble along the way. I just wanted to share this story with everyone, i feel like i have come back into God's good graces again and i can't say enough how completely grateful I am. I feel as though i don't deserve it one bit, but if God is going to give me the chance then i'm not going to deny Him. He knows what's best for me much better than i do! As i looked back upon the entire day, i realized that God had been trying to get my attention from the moment i woke up, it never fails to amaze me when i see my God working to speak to me, and undeserving sinner such as myself, why would he want to speak to lowly old me? That answer is simple, because He loves me, I'm his child and just as I love my children with my whole being, so does He love me with His whole being!! I LOVE MY LORD!!! :yeah
I have struggled the last 6 months or so with backsliding in my faith. I have always had trouble remembering to pray every day and i think that has contributed alot to my backsliding. I haven't been staying in the Word like I should and have gotten waaayyy off track. I've struggled with temptations dealing with drugs, alcohol and men, to name a few. The last few months have been extremely difficult for me. I know that what i have been doing is wrong but yet i would still do it, over and over and over and over again
Well yesterday I happened to catch a sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley on tv before i left for church and he was speaking about forgiveness, the part that hit home was when he was speaking about believer's who ask for forgiveness for the sins they continue to commit and can't understand why they keep backsliding.. (i felt like he was saying my name the whole time). He explained that forgiveness is not only being sorry for the sin but also making a commitment to God to not continue those sins. So then i go to church and the sermon is about making changes in your life, about how the time is NOW to start over and make those committments to sit back and let Him make those changes in your life. Woah, freaky, right?
well, last night i put my curler's in my hair and laid down to go to sleep. As I'm laying there, I decide that i want to talk to God and as I start praying (btw i was praying to tell God that I was ready to make those commitments to Him to let Him work in me and change me and recommitting myself to Him), I started thinking horrible thoughts while i was trying to talk to God and i stopped praying and thought, i need to get my head right before i talk to God, how can i talk to Him with these "other" thoughts running through my head? And i mean these thoughts i was having were really bad, i kept picturing dead people and people murdering other people in my head, sick thoughts, it was really scary. Then it hit me: that's the devil trying to keep me from making my commitments to my Lord and Savior and i'm actually going to let him win by making me stop praying.
then i remembered a verse, not sure what chapter, maybe someone can help me out with this, the verse was: "resist the devil and he will flee from you". so i got upset and told the devil to leave me alone, that my God was bigger than he will ever be, that i was not going to let him keep his claws in me any longer, i had had enough! i felt very silly talking to the devil, by the way, this entire conversation going on in my head made me feel as though i was mentally insane. :hehee
Well, the amazing part was as soon as i was finished doing that, i felt this immense calm come over me. Something i haven't felt in a long long time. I felt happy, content and peaceful and as i lay there just amazed at the feeling, i noticed that where my curlers sat on my head with the heat coming off them it felt as though someone was cradling my head in their hands, just holding it up and i felt so comfortable and relaxed. Now i know in my head that it was the curlers and the way they were laying on my head and the pillow but in my heart i like to think that it was God going "see lisa, you finally got it, you understand now what i have been trying to tell you all along but you just couldn't see. Resist the devil, tell him that you are following Me and he will leave you alone, you have the Holy Spirit in you, I will take care of you now, i will help you through this"
It was a freaking awesome feeling, i don't know any other way to describe it!!!!! :yeah :yeah :yeah
So I finished my praying, thanking and praising God throughout my prayer and ended up falling off to sleep and slept like a baby for the first time in years. :sleep
I'm just amazed that God still loves me after i have been a complete wretch, i have know His Word and still pushed it away. I made a profession of faith on Easter Sunday 2005 and have been in church every sunday since then. But i let certain people into my life and became involved with them way deeper than i ever should have gone and let myself be tempted and stumble and have caused some other christians stumble along the way. I just wanted to share this story with everyone, i feel like i have come back into God's good graces again and i can't say enough how completely grateful I am. I feel as though i don't deserve it one bit, but if God is going to give me the chance then i'm not going to deny Him. He knows what's best for me much better than i do! As i looked back upon the entire day, i realized that God had been trying to get my attention from the moment i woke up, it never fails to amaze me when i see my God working to speak to me, and undeserving sinner such as myself, why would he want to speak to lowly old me? That answer is simple, because He loves me, I'm his child and just as I love my children with my whole being, so does He love me with His whole being!! I LOVE MY LORD!!! :yeah