5 year old trouble....

[cbressler1976]

I have a 5 year old that is in pre-k and should know better....well, he is lazy and doesn't want to use the restroom to go #2, so he holds it and holds it and gets some in his pants....I'm sooooooooo tired of this....what should I do?
I spanked him on his bottom and made him go to his room for a little while, but I have done this before...it doesn't work....any suggestions?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
although, when I punish him, I go back in the room 15 minutes later because I feel so bad about him being upset.....maybe if I stuck to it, it might work....is there something else that is better that I can do?

[KitsapGirl]

Seek help with a doctor.

My son did this...occasionally still does, and he's 13. He has ADHD with the addition of anxiety. He's had it from birth. An anxious child tends to "withhold" stools. There really is no explaination for this, except it's something they can control in their environment.

You know the saying..."he's so uptight that if you stuck a lump of coal in his fist, you'd have a diamond in a week"?

Withholding is the sort of thing this phrase refers to. Laxatives can help, but they don't address the problem, and punishment only makes them more anxious.

We sought help from our pediatritian who sent us to a Christian child psychologist who specialises in ADHD issues.

Your son may not have ADHD or anxiety, but seeing your pediatritian will not hurt the matter.

[CircleSlide]

Take him to the doctor, my son did this and still does (he is 12, he has some medical conditions, and it is common for his conditon to do this). He might have some other problems but can't articulate them or is embarrassed.

[Cd4u_2]

He may not be lazy, it is possible that he is afraid of his #2. Like a part of his body being flushed down the toilet. You may have to explain what Bowel movement is (The magic school bus have a episode on this, don't know which one though), and what happened when you hold it it in: it gets bigger and bigger like a tiny snowball into a giant ball... and will cause constipation (or harder to come out).

Or if you fuss at him about candies, he is afraid you would find out from his BM so he is trying to hide it.

Or just any fear.. you will just have to find out.

[cbressler1976]

Sometimes he tells me that he was too busy to go...or that he forgot....then sometimes he tells me he didn't know he had to go....It's not a lot in his pants...just a little bit...but I get tired of cleaning them and he is going to be in k next year and I worry....I feel like such a failure as a mother...we don't have a lot of money, so we don't go out hardly at all...we used to go to zoo's, parks etc all of the time....so I feel bad about that....then this thing...what am I doing wrong? ....then with my 2 year old....I played with Austin(5 yr old) 24/7.....I don't get to play with Alexander as much....and I get bored and sometimes I can't think of anything at all to do with them...I think I better go to the prayer requests and ask for prayers for this....

[Biblenuggetlady]

Good advice, seek a doctors help. It is true that it is common for children to be afraid of BM's, so explaining to him what is going on is great advice. Spanking him may make him more fearful and he could hold them in due to fear of both things now.

[KitsapGirl]

Sometimes he tells me that he was too busy to go...or that he forgot....then sometimes he tells me he didn't know he had to go....It's not a lot in his pants...just a little bit...but I get tired of cleaning them and he is going to be in k next year and I worry....I feel like such a failure as a mother...we don't have a lot of money, so we don't go out hardly at all...we used to go to zoo's, parks etc all of the time....so I feel bad about that....then this thing...what am I doing wrong? ....then with my 2 year old....I played with Austin(5 yr old) 24/7.....I don't get to play with Alexander as much....and I get bored and sometimes I can't think of anything at all to do with them...I think I better go to the prayer requests and ask for prayers for this....

:hug I was there too. It's not your fault. It just happens. Please don't blame yourself. Just realise that your son WANTS to please you.

Whatever you do, don't go down the road of blaming him for what he is doing. I did. I hated my son for what I perceeved as him intentionally doing things like this. It took many years to rebuild our relationship.

God will give you the strength, but you also need support from someone who has been there.

:pray Praying that Jesus will send you someone who can help guide you.

[Biblenuggetlady]

Sometimes he tells me that he was too busy to go...or that he forgot....then sometimes he tells me he didn't know he had to go....It's not a lot in his pants...just a little bit...but I get tired of cleaning them and he is going to be in k next year and I worry....I feel like such a failure as a mother...we don't have a lot of money, so we don't go out hardly at all...we used to go to zoo's, parks etc all of the time....so I feel bad about that....then this thing...what am I doing wrong? ....then with my 2 year old....I played with Austin(5 yr old) 24/7.....I don't get to play with Alexander as much....and I get bored and sometimes I can't think of anything at all to do with them...I think I better go to the prayer requests and ask for prayers for this....

What you are feeling is very common for parents. My kids are 28 years to 12 and I still play the guilt game over in my head. Give yourself a break and realise we are all human and we can pray and just do our best. Kids do not need things or trips to know they are loved, my last 2 that I have at home have proved that to me. We are on a fixed and limited income and they appreciate what we do have and what we are able to do, so much more than other kids who have name brand everything and trips to special places that are taken for granted. I watch it through my nephews, and I am amazed at how little it takes to please my kids when they don't have the affluence others do. My oldest son I let go live with his dad when he was 16, both because I felt that boys need their dad at that age and his dad was financially well off and could give him things I couldn't...today he is very materialistic, inconsiderate and not very responsible. My heart breaks for him, but I know God is going to have his way with him one day. Lighten up on yourself and just hug on those babies, I am sure you are a fine mom. If you weren't these thoughts wouldn't even go through your mind. Also, we ALL get bored at times with our kids...what I mean is not feel like playing games with them or stacking blocks again, or whatever. That doesn't make you a bad mom. Your two year old also requires more attention than a 5 year old, if your son complains about that-just explain to him that he is younger and needs more attention, it's not a matter of loving him more. Tell him that when he was that age you spent that time with him also. When my second child was born I had the same feelings as you, there was a 6 year difference between my oldest son and daughter and she didn't understand this baby taking all her attention away either. She started school that year too and I felt so guilty. Don't worry cbressler1976, what you feel is very normal. :hug

[cbressler1976]

What you are feeling is very common for parents. My kids are 28 years to 12 and I still play the guilt game over in my head. Give yourself a break and realise we are all human and we can pray and just do our best. Kids do not need things or trips to know they are loved, my last 2 that I have at home have proved that to me. We are on a fixed and limited income and they appreciate what we do have and what we are able to do, so much more than other kids who have name brand everything and trips to special places that are taken for granted. I watch it through my nephews, and I am amazed at how little it takes to please my kids when they don't have the affluence others do. My oldest son I let go live with his dad when he was 16, both because I felt that boys need their dad at that age and his dad was financially well off and could give him things I couldn't...today he is very materialistic, inconsiderate and not very responsible. My heart breaks for him, but I know God is going to have his way with him one day. Lighten up on yourself and just hug on those babies, I am sure you are a fine mom. If you weren't these thoughts wouldn't even go through your mind. Also, we ALL get bored at times with our kids...what I mean is not feel like playing games with them or stacking blocks again, or whatever. That doesn't make you a bad mom. Your two year old also requires more attention than a 5 year old, if your son complains about that-just explain to him that he is younger and needs more attention, it's not a matter of loving him more. Tell him that when he was that age you spent that time with him also. When my second child was born I had the same feelings as you, there was a 6 year difference between my oldest son and daughter and she didn't understand this baby taking all her attention away either. She started school that year too and I felt so guilty. Don't worry cbressler1976, what you feel is very normal. :hug

:hug I really needed this....thank you!! .

[lisaann]

Make sure that it isn't a physical or mental problem. It could be that he just isn't "there" developmentally. That doesent mean that there is anything wrong with him, just some kids develop in some areas slower than others. My ds didn't get potty trained for #2 until he was 4 years old.

Personally, as long as it was not a physical or mental problem, I would probably make him clean his own pants out. I wouldn't be mean or scolding about it just make him aware of what a messy, yucky job it is and if he can't bring himself to go potty in time then he will be cleaning up the mess himself. Be very aware though that you don't want to shame him.

:hug it will come with time and persistance and love on your part. My ds is two years older than his sister and every once in awhile he will ask for an alone time with me. So, I will usually take my younger dd for some special time with a grandparent or friend so that ds and I can spend some time alone. He seems to really need this time with me but dd (who is now 7) has never once asked for an alone time even though I have offered. :idunno