Mommy advice #3

[pagal]

Ok, I have 3 small children. Boy age 7, girl almost 6 and baby almost 2yrs.

As you know I'm literally pulled in 3 different directions. I'm finding that I'm often getting snippy, annoyed and raise my voice alot at them becuase I'm trying my best to cook, clean, homework etc......so when something goes typically awry I raise my voice.......

Then I'm PLAGUED WITH GUILT aftwards....I wish i could be a better mommy. A gentle and quite spirit but it's NOT ME........yet. I'm praying.

For example, my 5 yr old always wants to help me in the kitchen and she pulls out this small stool from the powder room to help like a sweet little darling would.....HOWEVER becuase of the way my kitchen layout is, I can't safely work around her. (can't open the drawers etc) and I'm constantly asking her to just step aside. THEN she leaves the darn stool in there which I'm constantly saying, darling you MUST get this stool out of here becuase I'm ALWAYS tripping over it. It's several times a week so it makes me NUTS when I once again see her doing it. I will have a consequence but it's MY REACTION that is upsetting me....not the behavior.

Well last night, same thing, and low and behold I turn around with a hot pot and TRIP OVER THE DARN STOOL...........

I was so angry :hehee I yell at the top of my lungs, "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU.....DON"T YOU GET IT!! then, wind up and kick the darn thing out of anger and then hear a crash

She had simply set up a tea party with her little tin cups for me to play with her. So now, I drop to my knees and apologize and tell her why It's so dangerous for her to be behind me at the stove.

THIS IS GOING TO BE HER MEMORY OF ME.......constantly loosing my temper, yelling, impatient etc.....

I feel like all I do is get annoyed/mad/react.....

There are days where I want to be medicated. and think WHY AM I SUCH A BAD MOM?

[Pucci]

I can understand you pagal. I feel that same way too and I only have one son. I don't know how you do it with three. The fact that you haven't totally gone stark raving mad baffles me. I commend you.

[Lisababy]

:hug you aren't being a bad mom. I have two children, ages 5 and 3 1/2. And i'm a single mom so i know how frustrating it is to try and complete all the housework, cooking, cleaning etc and keep two youngsters entertained through it all. i have lost my temper countless times with them and yelled at the top of my lungs. So much so that sometimes my kids flinch in fear when they see me lose it. Which is the hardest thing to see because you know you would never in a lifetime harm your children. I wish that i had some wonderful miracle advice for you but i don't because i'm struggling with the same problem myself. I have noticed that when things in our house get bad and i take those problems about myself to the Lord, things will settle down for a few days and i won't fly off the handle as much. This might sound silly and i'm not patronizing you because i'm sure you have tried this before but counting to 10 does wonders too.

There are always going to be times when you lose your temper with them, but make sure they know how much you do love them when you aren't angry. And apologizing right away is an amazing thing. It diffuses your anger and lets the children know that you didn't mean to say the things you did. i will be praying for you.... :hug

[chel0524]

Sweetie, it's okay! We all do that sometimes. I have all girls; 9,7 and 2. The two oldest fight with each other all the time and the little one is constantly into things making messes.

I will lose my temper with them about something and I 'll just feel awful about it and go apologize. Do you know what I hear in return? Usuall it's "that's okay. You're the best mommy in the world".

I guess what I'm saying is we all lose our cool. Kids tend to block out things that make them unhappy and only think about good things.

[MochaMel]

^^ Chel is right.. I also don't put it above good parents to apologize if you are in the wrong. It lets our kids' know we are inperfect and screw up sometimes..

I have been known to "lose" it when at my wits end with the fighting or whatever is going on that has been on my last nerve.. We all do it, unless you have a naturally patient, quiet spirit..

I unfortunately do not, God is still fine tuning that. :lol2

[Cd4u_2]

I like how Mister Rogers explains it:

http://pbskids.org/rogers/parentsteachers/theme/1606_p_art.html

[Lisababy]

I like how Mister Rogers' explain it:

http://pbskids.org/rogers/parentsteachers/theme/1606_p_art.html

wonderful link, i needed to read that too! :hug

[cbressler1976]

:hugs... I am not alone!! I thought it was just me!! I thought I was a horrible parent.... I have two boys...one is 5(he is always calm and good, but he has his moments) and the other is 2(he is wild and into EVERYTHING!)... and sometimes I lose my temper and yell at them....BUT I always feel bad and go back and hug them and tell them I am sorry.... I thought I was a horrible mommy...

[Lisababy]

:hugs... I am not alone!! I thought it was just me!! I thought I was a horrible parent.... I have two boys...one is 5(he is always calm and good, but he has his moments) and the other is 2(he is wild and into EVERYTHING!)... and sometimes I lose my temper and yell at them....BUT I always feel bad and go back and hug them and tell them I am sorry.... I thought I was a horrible mommy...

Yes sister, you are not the only one. I think every parent deals with this on some level at least once in the life of their children. and you are not a horrible mommy, none of us are perfect in any way... :hug

[lisaann]

:hug pagal you might want to tell her that she cannot bring the stool out while you are preparing a meal. But then make sure that later on, when you aren't pressured to get food on the table, take a few minutes to cook something with her. It could be as simple as mixing up pudding. Let her drag her stool over to help you then make sure she puts it back. This way she get's to use her stool, help you, and learn responsibility in putting her things away.