Advice needed about my former neighbor

[abidinginvine]

I have a former neighbor from the apartment building I lived in whom I've had dinner with once in a while. He's a friend, and nothing more - I have no interest in him, he doesn't appeal to me in the least, and we have absolutely nothing in common. To be honest, the only reason I accepted his first dinner invitation was because I though with his being a university professor we'd have an intellectual and scintilating conversation, but I find he's just interested in chit-chat, isn't all that bright apart from his field, and he annoys the heck out of me. For example, he's vegetarian; if I order chicken I have to endure a lecture on how badly the chickens are treated. (Yes, it bothers me....but I have to eat!) I won't even mention that I don't think he's ever trimmed his nose hairs in his entire life!

I moved into a house in a new neighborhood last weekend. Since then, he has called me at least five times. I let the messages go to voice mail; after the third call, he said, "I've left two other messages...I don't know if you're not getting them." I called and left a message (I felt guilty) telling him I'm exhausted from moving. He called early this morning, and again this afternoon....I let the calls go to voice mail.

I've gently tried to let him know my interests lie elsewhere, but he doesn't seem to be getting it - he tells me that if I'm interested in someone, that person should want to be around me all the time. He's a nice man, just not right for me. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but how can I get through to him that I have NO interest in him WHATSOEVER, and I really don't want him calling me all the time?

Hints don't seem to be working! What do I do now? Thanks.

[Jaybird74]

Tell him that you and a girlfriend will be going out shopping for a Taser gun in the near future - just for your own peace of mind. :idunno

Yeah - I was attempting to be funny - but this yahoo doesn't seem to be getting the hint. Thus be upfront, to-the-point, direct-as-can-be with him. Tell him, 'Buster, I was hoping you'd somehow catch the hint through the missed phone calls, etc. - but unfortunately, you didn't. You're a nice guy, but I'm not interested in seeing you anymore. For example, I don't want to have to sit through another chicken dinner with you preaching a la "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair about the evils of the meat packing industry. I mean, heaven forbid we go out for a nice t-bone or porterhouse. We're just very different people, and I have a completely different set of standards, wants and needs that I'm looking for in a future husband. So Bubba, you're gonna need to find you a nice girl who appreciates tofu, sprouts and wheatgrass shots. I wish you the best in your search, and if I see you around, I'll say 'Hello.'

Vaya con Dios and adios amigo."


That - but much nicer. :heh:thumb (hope you enjoy it for the pure humorous aspect - I would be that direct, but hey, I'm a guy and I've been told that I have an intensely direct way of dealing with people. :idunno )

Oh and make sure he doesn't follow you home to your new pad. And try to be seen out with a couple of your girlfriends. Perhaps if he tries to approach you, THEY can tell him to go take a hike, who knows.

[watchman]

Have him take you to a nice place and order veal.
Wear a fur coat.
Wear diamonds and mention they are fresh from Angola.
Ditto for Ivory if you can find any.
Tell him how much you love Ann Coulter.
Mention how we should carpet bomb Iraq and Nuke Iran.

That might get him to move you to the back of his Little Black Book at least.

[abidinginvine]

Thanks....I don't want to hurt the poor guy's feelings so I'm trying to let him down gently. Although now that I think of it, for the last couple of months (when I was still in the apartment building) he'd leave messages like, "I know you're home because your car is in the garage." Uh....doesn't he realize I DO have friends I go out with and don't always take my car?

OTOH, he's getting really annoying! He doesn't know where my house is, and I would never invite a man (short of one who was courting me) into my home when I'm here alone (well, except the landlord, who's a strong Christian), so he'll never see this place and (thankfully) he can't "watch" my comings and goings anymore.

I don't know what it is about me - I'm always getting guys whom I have NO interest in and don't encourage in the least falling for me. :idunno Before this guy it was the Super of my building...you can't imagine how much teasing I took over that from all the tenants who noticed him mooning over me! :panic

Really....the ONLY one I want is the one whom the Lord created me for; am I asking too much? :scratch I don't believe in dating; I'm waiting on God - He's my matchmaker. But it seems that I attract all kinds of weird people. :doh

Am I being too nice? Should I just tell him to take a flying leap? Or simply not return his calls until he gives up? But, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - I've never thought much of women who put men down, but OTOH, some guys apparently need to be hit in the head with a brick before they "get it!" I mean, right from the start I let him know I wasn't interested in anything but friendship.....

Why me, Lord? :runaway

[lisa]

Really....the ONLY one I want is the one whom the Lord created me for; am I asking too much? I don't believe in dating; I'm waiting on God - He's my matchmaker.

Tell him THIS. :nod

[mbtcforJesus]

I have a former neighbor from the apartment building I lived in whom I've had dinner with once in a while. He's a friend, and nothing more - I have no interest in him, he doesn't appeal to me in the least, and we have absolutely nothing in common. To be honest, the only reason I accepted his first dinner invitation was because I though with his being a university professor we'd have an intellectual and scintilating conversation, but I find he's just interested in chit-chat, isn't all that bright apart from his field, and he annoys the heck out of me. For example, he's vegetarian; if I order chicken I have to endure a lecture on how badly the chickens are treated. (Yes, it bothers me....but I have to eat!) I won't even mention that I don't think he's ever trimmed his nose hairs in his entire life!

I moved into a house in a new neighborhood last weekend. Since then, he has called me at least five times. I let the messages go to voice mail; after the third call, he said, "I've left two other messages...I don't know if you're not getting them." I called and left a message (I felt guilty) telling him I'm exhausted from moving. He called early this morning, and again this afternoon....I let the calls go to voice mail.

I've gently tried to let him know my interests lie elsewhere, but he doesn't seem to be getting it - he tells me that if I'm interested in someone, that person should want to be around me all the time. He's a nice man, just not right for me. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but how can I get through to him that I have NO interest in him WHATSOEVER, and I really don't want him calling me all the time?

Hints don't seem to be working! What do I do now? Thanks.

Either completely ignore him, or be to the point. That's probably the best way to the point. His feeling s will be hurt, but unless he's some sort of mass murderer(God forbid!) he should get over it.

[WretchSaved]

Honesty is the best policy! Hint are useless. He deserves respect, just as you do. Ignoring him will only worsen the situation as he has made ever so clear. Tell him how you feel, and move on with your life.

[Clutch Cargo]

He sounds truly smitten, so there is no easy way to tell him you aren't interested. Do it gently but firmly, sooner rather than later.

[abidinginvine]

So basically, there's no way to not hurt his feelings, huh?

And believe me, I've TRIED telling him I'm leaving the choosing of my husband to the Lord; I think he thinks God's going to pick HIM! :fear

[Clutch Cargo]

So basically, there's no way to not hurt his feelings, huh?

And believe me, I've TRIED telling him I'm leaving the choosing of my husband to the Lord; I think he thinks God's going to pick HIM! :fear

I'm afraid not. I have a lot of experience in unrequited love, and there is just no easy way to let him down. Right now the sun rises and sets on your every word and movement, and there isn't any way he is going to be happy unless you agree to elope. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.