UPDATE - to my dd has gone crazy

[Janh7]

I took my dd to college last weekend. Since moving her into the dorm and returning home, I have discovered that she has been drinking and partying every night, cussing too. My heart is broken. I found a way to see her facebook even though I am blocked from seeing it. I can't tell you how devastated I am. We are a two-parent Christian family and she is the youngest of four. We have never kept alcohol in the house and we don't curse or go to bars, etc. Our oldest dd has told us that she knew of other incidents the had been hidden from us also. My dh has decided that we will go see her Sunday, all of us, and confront her. His idea is to take her car away. :( And, put her on a sort of probation the rest of the semester and if she breaks our rules and we find out, she will move home.
Have any of you had this happen. Do you think that there is a chance that she will ever return to us. I am in shock. I was with her every day and she always swore to me that she hated the whole idea of that lifestyle...she lied to me over and over. Help, please...anyone.

[Sing4Him]

I'm sorry.. I know your heart is broken. Is your daughter saved?

If she is, then "if it were me/us" I think we would bring her home and confront her. Then we'd ask her about her relationship with the Lord.

Very concerning.. but you are a very smart mom and dad also.

Is this a public college?

Is there a possiblity that you could put her in a Christian college? Now.. I am VERY aware that these things happen in Christian schools also... BUT many have chapel daily and the chances of her doing this may be more restricting.

Maturity may have a lot to do with this but I think your hubby is smart about "nipping it in the bud".

I personally would have a hard time keeping her in the school.

Could some Christian counseling help? Do you have a good pastor?

I wil be praying. Prayer is the best thing that you can do right now. Ask the Lord to give you direction, conviction in your daughter.

Saying some prayers for you. I'm sorry you are going through this. :pray:pray:hug

[Cd4u_2]

you will have to remind her the danger of drinking.

1. If she becomes an alcoholic, it will be very hard for her to stop drinking.

2. If she become drunk, she could end up taking drugs. This happened to a friend of mine. She got too drunk to think twice about taking drugs when offered.

3. driving drunk is really dangerous. I think your husband has the rights to take the car away because she could end up with a DUI.

if she seems to not care about What the bible says, I think you will have to go back to square one and teach her about salvation.

[Neen273]

I agree! The main thing that will help is scaring her straight by reminding her of all the possible consquences of this sort of behavior. It is very possible she could end up raped when she is very drunk. Sorry to bring that up, but it certainly could've happened to me at least a couple of times!

I have been a Christian all my life. Christian gradeschool, highschool, 4 years of Christian college. Then I moved out of state, far away from my parents, to a secular college to get a different degree....and I did all kinds of bad stuff there and in the years afterwards in my dating life. There was a need to rebel, a burning curiousity of how the "other side" lives their lives as opposed to my Christian experience. I was so tired of being "good." If that feeling of being cheated out of things everybody else gets to do becomes strong enough....kids will screw up. On purpose.

This is not your fault. You are not bad parents. And I don't think moving her to a Christian college will necessarily help. It might, but.....it's highly possible that she would rebel even more against your attempts to "control" her, even at a Christian institution. A friend of mine recently was telling me about "Pimp and Ho" parties students were currently throwing at my Christian alma mater. I was shocked....she said it was exactly what it sounds like. Yeah, it was a Christian school...but there were a lot of students who were forced to be there.

I think the idea of taking away her car and putting her on probation is a very good one. :)

Also, talk to her about sex. Drinking and sex go extremely well together, obviously. Or is that, go very badly together?
To be more specific, I wish someone had told me about the emotional consquences of having sex with guys and having the relationship end....or worse, not even having a relationship with the man you're sleeping with at all. That's far worse than loneliness could ever be.

I heard anti-premarital sex talks, but they were either in a simplistic "It's a sin and you could get AIDS or end up pregnant" mode, or worse, "don't give away your flower petals or bites of your apple" analogies. Gag. Very annoying as I have never been, and never will be, a delicate flower or a piece of fruit. I'm a woman, and a fairly tough one at that. Anyway, my thought process was: well, if I believe in Jesus then I won't go to hell for this...and what if I am careful and avoid STD's and pregnancy? Then I can have fun and not get burned!"

Wrong, because no one can escape the fact that sex is an emotional thing. More so for women, *definitely* for me. Some people can sleep around for years and defend it, but it *will* cause problems....distorted view of the importance of sex, disrespect for the other person, and a deep, deep emptiness because of the lack of connection to one person only.
('m sure you know this, of course...I'm also saying it for anyone else who it may help.)

Yes, there is hope - prayer helps! "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." This does not mean they'll never go prodigal, but in the end they will return if they truly believe in Jesus deep in their hearts. He is the Good Shepherd and He will go get your little lost sheep! :):hug

I had my sister and friends praying for me for years. It may take a while because your daughter has to make the decision to turn her thought processes/outlook on life around herself, through the Holy Spirit. If you've taught her about the Rapture, that will be a very good point to bring back up. Definitely talk to her about her standing with God, but don't nag. My mom nagged me all the time...all it did was make me answer the phone less and less and tune her out when I did, or worse, hang up on her outright.

At one point, I just gave up because what I was doing was doing nothing for me, and I was breaking my own heart. So unnecessary - and I kept doing it over and over. Like a dog returning to its own vomit, I think the Bible says so bluntly. That's when I decided I wanted Jesus back in my life and begged Him for forgiveness. I still tripped up for a while afterwards, but the change did happen. And now I have a passion for studying the Bible like no one else in my family has ever had! :yeah

[Janh7]

I have been up since 4 am and I feel very afraid for her.
Thanks you guys for responding. My oldest dd teaches in a "Christian" college and tells us the same things go on there.
I have taught my kids about the endtimes and the timeline for the endtimes and scripture, etc. since they were born. That's what hurts the most, unlike some kids...she knows the truth.
Neen273 you do sound a lot like my dd. She is smart and strongwilled; a tough cookie. I can only pray that her heart will turn to God as yours has.
We are going to see her tomorrow. It will all go down then. Please please pray for us. I am just sick.
I didn't mention it before, but I work at this school. It is a private liberal arts university and she is there because my children receive free tuition. Tuition there is around 33,000 a year. I thought I was doing something wonderful for my children.:(

[Lynn]

I'm sorry.. I know your heart is broken.

Is this a public college?

I personally would have a hard time keeping her in the school.

:pray:pray:hug

So would I. If this is a public college, she likely will be encouraged to continue this kind of ungodliness. We are affiliated with a public college, and that's what most (not all, of course) college kids do. If she's already shown a propensity in this direction, she will find plenty of 'soul mates' as she now probably feels like a bird let out of a cage.

I would definitely bring her home and request a refund for part of her tuition from the burser's office at the college. This will take a lot of courage and the willingness to risk her wrath. But if she wants to continue this kind of lifestyle, there's no good reason for you and dh to have to sponsor it. Let her get a job and go to work. When you can trust her again, then you could make plans for college-- a junior college near home.
Just my 2 cents.

[ChristiRenee]

I don't know how much help I am going to be ... but ... I was your daughter 10 years ago.

I grew up in church and knew right from wrong. We never cursed or had alcohol in the house and I had strict parents who wouldn't even let me light a match!

We all thought nothing would go wrong.

But in college I found "freedom". It was not the kind of freedom God offers, but it was freedom from everything I ever knew in my sheltered life. I went from goody-two-shoes (that was my nickname) to party-animal. :( I have done a lot of things I regret, but the entire time, my parents still loved me in spite of how I was living.

God did too. And His love and forgiviness is actually what brought me back to Him and out of that life style. I'm not saying don't talk to her about everything, but I am saying show/tell her continuously that you love her regardless. Everyone's path to God is different. I wish I hadn't been so hardheaded that I had to go through all that, but at the same time I have a relationship with Jesus now that I never would have had had I not gone through that time in my life.

[lisaann]

I think you should consider bringing her home to live. She obviously isnt mature enough to handle being away yet. This way you can keep tabs on her and give her another few years to 'grow up' under your watchful eye. She could still attend this college but not live there. Or you could even move her to a community college. If she does well then in two years let her try dorm life again.



This was me in my late teens and early twenties as well. :( My father was a pastor and I grew up in a very legalistic church. As soon as I had an inch of freedom I took a mile. :fear :tape Remember scripture says to train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. Even if you bring her home she still will probably have some wild oats to sew. This way though you can have some influence over her and hopefully keep her safe.

[ByHisGrace]

This reminds of a friend I had in highschool. She was so quiet and smart. A good girl. I couldn't believe the change in her when she came home from college on break. She was completely different. She discovered drinking and partying, football players were giving her attention.....she soon became pregnant (she wouldn't go into details but sounded like she was raped)...had an abortion (at 5 months) only to get pregnant again. I don't think she even finished college.

I don't think most teens are ready for what college life offers. They don't know what to do with that freedom... so many temptations and pressures.

As to how to handle this, I have no idea. Thankfully there's a lot of moms here with tons of experience. I will say taking the car away is a good idea, to keep her safer and to get her attention! Also, if she isn't pulling good grades then obviously that is an indication that she isn't spending enough time on what she is there to do....earn her degree. In which case time to bring her home.

[extreme4jesus]

i was your daughter too, i was saved at a young age and grew up in a christian home, but when i left for college i was surrounded by ungodly people and eventually i succumbed to the pressure to fit in. i drank, did drugs and was promiscuous. i know for me the issue was a heart thing. i rebelled at being 'force fed' christianity since a young age. i believed that i had never had a choice and that this God i believed in was really just for my parents religion. my parents found out later that i was messing up, but i refused to go home, i was too ashamed. after all i was over 18 they couldnt force me. i rebelled more and more from God and it took many yrs before God restored me. my parents never gave up on me, even when they doubted they still prayed for me to return to Jesus and several yrs later i did and now i am in ministry. there prayers covered me even when i rejected them and your prayers will cover your daughter too.
im sorry but i feel that if you force her to stay with you she will rebel even more. she will find a way to still do the same things, and she will 'play christian' when she is around you. my advice is to confront with love not anger and also to pray, pray, pray for her to return to Jesus. sometimes all you can do is trust that God will watch over her even when it looks like she will never get her heart right. we have to learn that God is real to us. its a heart issue between her and God. God will pursue her till He wins her back. my prayers go out to you