Is My 12 yr old dd out to get me?

[Sparkles]

Hi everyone My 12 (almost 13) yr old dd is driving me nuts. She always wants to argue with me. She talks back - swears under her breath - Her behavior is totally unacceptable She has turned so mean. She is only happy when every thing is just going her way and she proudly admits she doesn;t care about other people only herself. She wasn't always like this it seems like all of a sudden she just flipped out I need advice -

[denny272]

Hi everyone My 12 (almost 13) yr old dd is driving me nuts. She always wants to argue with me. She talks back - swears under her breath - Her behavior is totally unacceptable She has turned so mean. She is only happy when every thing is just going her way and she proudly admits she doesn;t care about other people only herself. She wasn't always like this it seems like all of a sudden she just flipped out I need advice -

Does she go to public school? The reason I ask is because if this is new behavior from her, then perhaps she is copying the behavior of some of the girls she hangs out with thinking it makes her "cool"?

[Sparkles]

Yes she goes to public school. I think you have a good point there

[tybash]

My daughters do this to me sometimes. I't is really frustrating. I usually get the mean mom out and threaten yes threaten to spank thier behinds. They Know I spank hard so they usually straighten up.

[denny272]

I'm only guessing, but if this is what is going on, I would confront her and tell her that you think she is copying someone elses behavior and that it's not going to "fly" at your house. If she continues to behave this way she will be grounded from her friends. Or, maybe it's the behavior of a boyfriend???
Anyway, grounded means no seeing them away from school. And you could threaten to go to her school and have her classes changed away from her "friends". Easily arranged at the guidence counsler's office.

You are going to have to toughen up for her own good. Disrespecting you is out of the question. Tell her it doesn't make her look "cool", it makes her look like an ignorant spoiled bratt.

Tell her you know she is much better than that.

[makarioselpis]

possibly hormones??? :scratch

my daughter had moody days and mean times around this age and the thing was she didn't know why she was like that...she was always sorry soon after. I think we as mom's tend to forget that. I was just lucky enough to have my own mother remind me.:aha

[terrilynn]

I have reared 3 boys and your dd actions sound typical for the age. I do not have all the answers but these action below worked for me during these years. From 12 to 18 it is going to feel like you are dealing with a alien expect it and nothing they do will surprise you. What is going to make the difference is your reaction to her. 1. You are not her friend you are her mother. 2. The two of you can disagree but...if she cannot treat you with respect a mother deserves then you will treat her as a young child that she is acting like. 3. After listening to any problems and or grievance she may have--- your word is the last (you are the parent with experiece and her best interest at heart). 4. Disrespect and if her voice is raised in anger or for any reason the conversation is over. 5. Privileges are a perk not a right.---A few weeks at home (except for school) does have a way a making children a little less hard of hearing ( no picnic for you either). 6. Be consistant--wishy-washy is seen right through and everything else will not work. 7. Be willing to admit you made a mistake "I am sorry" sometimes does make a difference. 8. Know that you will get your sweet little girl back sometime around 17-20.

[Rinji]

Sounds like the behavior that is on celebrity shows.

Telling her she's arrogant is spoiled I don't think it will the effect as it used to. TV is showing us it's okay to be spoiled and arrogant. So they don't care.

Is it things you do for her she gets mad about because she doesn't get her way or exactly how she wants it? For example, you don't drive her soon enough to a place she wants to be?
If so, I'd use the tactic of "Oh, You want to go to your friend's house? I'm pretty sure I put your shoes by the door (in a non-threatening way of course, like you meant well)" then if she replies just say something like "I assumed, you'd wanted to do X yourself because I didn't do it well enough."

Once you illustrate how much they really need you it gives her a better perspective and should help. She will start to care about others because she realizes if she doesn't treat people well she isn't going to get any help and maybe she'll come around if it's mood induced.

Then again, I was a laid back kid. I wouldn't have a clue what's going on in her mind even though I'm not far off in age. I never had an issue with hormones :panic

I know it sounds bad, but personally if my child did that I would have slapped them (that's what I would have gotten), and let them know it's not to be tolerated. But only if they were truly meaning it to be disrespectful, rather than a fleeing hormone induced mood (that later they are sorry for).

My dad had some issues at a time. He'd nag and yell continuous for little things that didn't really matter (he'd taking medication for it now). I'd sit quietly and listen, and after he was done and appeared to calm down I'd ask, "Do you feel better now you got that off your chest?" Of course I had to be careful with my wording since he was my Dad after all. But it made him know he was over reacting. In public it can be disasterous to a reputation, teen or adult alike. Lol.

[GreenEyedLady]

Hi everyone My 12 (almost 13) yr old dd is driving me nuts. She always wants to argue with me. She talks back - swears under her breath - Her behavior is totally unacceptable She has turned so mean. She is only happy when every thing is just going her way and she proudly admits she doesn;t care about other people only herself. She wasn't always like this it seems like all of a sudden she just flipped out I need advice -

They have GREAT wooden spoons at Bed Bath and Beyond. It works wonders for my daughter who is about the same age. It actually softens her. I don't know what it is, but God's word is true, spanking really does work.

[Tammy]

terrilynn great advice. I have 16, 13 and 8 year old. It is the age but you still need to deal with it. The older they get the better it gets. My son is 16 and he is so much better now.