Ugggh These kids are out to get me!!! Help

[Sparkles]

:hehee
Well last week I asked for advice re my 12 yr old thank you all for that great advice - Now its dd #2
She is 10 about a month ago she decided being in the choll band wasn't for her. - She is involved in other time consumiong school activities so I didn't mind that she quit. Here's the problem We were renting her saxophone to the tune of $50/month I spoke to the band teacher he told me she could return it to him at her reg practice time. - Perfect - I drop her off at school and watched her walk in with the saxophoine in hand. Flash forward 1 month I get a call fromn the rental store asking me where my $50 payment is for the month of February - Now mind you we are into march now!!! I said "You gave the sax back to the band teacher last month right?" To which she replies "No its in my classroom." I asked why it is in her classroom she tells me When she went into school that day to return the sax her pricipal wouldn't let her go to the band room. So she put it in her classroom and there it sat for amonth day in day out staring her in the face and she never said a word!!!! I am really angry now!! I need patience. What is your opinion I really want her to learn a lesson from this because I think this was very irresponsible. She was looking at it everday for a month. She knew she had to return that Sax!!!!! Thank you in advance for your advice . - Sorry this is so long -

[BeNotAfraid]

I would make sure to tailor your actions to the intent of her heart. Is she usually lazy or selfish? If so, that merits a different lesson. However, it sounds like it was just an innocent, childish oversight on her part. Good for you, though, that you aren't going to just let it slide! I don't think you should "punish" her, but having her help to pay that month's rent is appropriate. If she doesn't have money of her own, you could have her wash cars to earn the money or do some extra chores for you to pay off her debt. She could also consign a possession to pay it off. Whatever you do, do it gently and with an intent to train, not punish. I know it sounds like a hard lesson these days and most parents just let things like this slide. But it is much easier to teach them responsibility when they are young than for them to learn a more painful lesson when they are older. I have three children myself, and my natural tendency is to be more lenient and let things slide, or to justify their actions as "just being kids". I try to remember that they need to be trained and words will often go in one ear and out the other. But if I take the time to make them follow through with the consequences, and THEN have a conversation while they're doing so...well, there aren't as many repeat offenses. I'm not hte kiddie police, though--I always look at their heart first.

[funmudder]

I love the book Parenting with Love and Logic (http://www.overstock.com/Books-Movies-Music-Games/Parenting-With-Love-And-Logic/1611211/product.html).

The advice works wonderfully for all five of my very different children, from the teens to the 2 year old.

It IS Christian btw ;)

[wife]

Does she have a way to pay the $50????

[wife]

I love the book Parenting with Love and Logic (http://www.overstock.com/Books-Movies-Music-Games/Parenting-With-Love-And-Logic/1611211/product.html).

The advice works wonderfully for all five of my very different children, from the teens to the 2 year old.

It IS Christian btw ;)

I am going to have to look for this book. My dd age 6.5 is driving me nuts with her disobedience

[funmudder]

Wife

Just keep your own instincts as a parent up front when reading. More than once I tossed the book across the room saying "redicccccuuulous!" only to be challenged the next day by a shortie on the very thing. Every SINGLE time I followed through with their advice, it worked :faint

Obviously you have to consider the ages of the child for the appropriate consequence and alter accordingly.

In this instance, because the child was old enough to decide to give up the lessons, the child is old enough to carry the consequences of not returning the instrument on time. They would advise, and I agree, that Dear Daughter gets to pay the 50$. If she does not have the cash, she gets to earn the money, but unless she really does do 50$ worth of work to earn it, the lesson is lost. 50$ for clearing the table does not reflect on reality.

Better she learns the value of money and responisble actions now than when she is old enough to have a credit card and revolving charges on whatever she forgets to cancel. :fear

[wife]

Wife

Just keep your own instincts as a parent up front when reading. More than once I tossed the book across the room saying "redicccccuuulous!" only to be challenged the next day by a shortie on the very thing. Every SINGLE time I followed through with their advice, it worked :faint



Thanks-- I am just at my wits end with her.... boys are much easier:panic

[pagal]

We have 5 family staples that we live by.

1. Make Jesus First
2. Always choose forgivness, to everyone, everytime.
3......NEVER QUIT

etc....ect....

It teaches children that when they make a commitment, they must stick with it. It's a good life lesson. Your daughter made a commitment to the band, in renting the intrument and to you by doing this. She should stick with it for the end of the school year. If she then learns she doesn't think it's something to pursue further than she doesnt have to but she STILL kept her word.

Our daughter joined softball and after a few games whined, But I don't like it. I don't want to do it anymore. We told her she has a position on that team that people depend on her for. She made a commitment to the team and MUST stick it out for the season. She was only 5 but it teaches her not to be selfish, self absorbed and to value commitment and seeing a job to fruition and to put thought into what you commit to.

#2. Suggestion for your daughter:

should learn that her error (whether intentional or not) of not returning the intrument cost YOU money so she needs to repay that in some fashion. If she has no money than make her do a list of chores over the next 3 weeks. Each day doing a small chore like unloading the dishwasher =1.00. Cleaning the bathrooms=3 dollars. Make the list long enough dollar wise to make it last 2 weeks and have her choose which ones she's like to do each day for it's value. It will give stong statement that money doesn't grow on trees and keep her accountable for her oversight.