I need a ladies advice and direction

[Pendragon]

Dear Ladies,

My name is David and yes i know this is a ladies forum but I have well a dilima..

I have been a single father to a wonderful daughter..Please keep her in prayer...She is a 3.85 student in college now and really means the world. She has never done drugs smoked drank and G-d Bless her has kept to her Vow of true love waits and has not had sex at the age of 19 this in itself is somewhat of a small miracle with the guys out there now a days. I worried about this and prayed she wouldn't and would not get pregnant now I am dealing with this.

She is now 19 an well has had some trouble with her menses so I sent her to the OB doctor. The doctor sent her to an ultra sound and well they found she has a severe uterine septum from what her doctor told her and then she, in tears, told me.... She also told me there is most likely a chance she will not be able to have children.

Here is my question does anyone ladies here know about this? what advice do I give her? what direction besides a second opinion do I go? they say surgery can help but there is no gaurentees. Do I have her go to surgery and how do I prepare this true innocent for what may lie ahead. I know how men are as I am one. They may turn from her and not want to date her or marry her because of this. The emotional as well as the physical things are on my heart for her now. as well as her mental state through the coming days and years.

So with this ackward request I come to you asking for prayers and advice. Most of the time us men let you have your place so I thank you for being gracious and allowing me to intrude here

Thanks again David

[Theresa]

http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/uterine-septum.html

A septum is a malformation of the uterus that is present from birth. It frequently causes no problems with pregnancy.

[snip]

Septums vary in their size and severity. The septum usually starts at the top of the uterus (the fundus) and can reach down to the uterine opening (the cervix). The larger the septum, the more likely it will interfere with pregnancy. The septum does not have a normal blood supply. It is believed that if a fertilized egg implants on the outer wall of the uterus, it will do just fine. But if it implants on the septum, the placenta may not get enough blood, and this may result in miscarriage or premature labor and early delivery.

Septum can easily be treated by an outpatient surgical procedure called hysteroscopic resection, in which a doctor cuts out the septum. The procedure is usually performed under general anesthesia, but an epidural anesthetic can be used. The doctor may choose to insert a catheter into the uterus to prevent the separate walls of the uterus from joining again with scar tissue. You may also be placed on hormones to speed healing. Success rates from this surgery is high, and most women require no postoperative pain medication.


I don't know how severe it is or what the doctor has told her. If he says it is not operable, I would get a second opinion. In fact, I would get a second opinion in either case. According to a couple of things that I saw, the operation is usually pretty successful! After she calms down a bit, have her do some digging, talk to another doctor, get armed with information, and then assess her options. She is still young - there is plenty of time for her to figure out the best course of actions for her.

I'm sorry she is having to deal with this, but there is hope!

Good luck!

[Jubilee21]

Hi David,
I am new here on the board but am an older woman and parent, so my heart goes out to you as a parent and for your precious daughter.

This is a diagnois at her age that for both of you that is incredibally heartbeaking to accept with all of its implications. My prayers are with you both and I urge you both to stand strong here in your faith, allow God to help you through this until things get 'sorted out'.

The first thing here David is to try to look at this news as an opportunity to perhaps find a treatment now that may be available which makes this an incredibaly 'good' thing that it was discovered at this stage.

Not knowing what your daughter's doctor found specifically in terms of the diagnostic results, I would urge you to consider his/her diagnosis as far as identifying the problem just the first step, there are a several forms of this malformation of the uterus..some more complicated and others less.

Also there are often other reasons that can explain the excessive bleeding during a woman's cycle and the remote chance this came along and was the reason they found the other condition, it may not be casuing it, or it may not be responsible alone for it.

It seems like there is a lot of information that still needs to be found out and perhaps tested for further before any conclusions can be made..and that there are perhaps options as in surgical intervention that may require a specialist's evaluation to determine some things first.

Your daughter sounds wonderful, and clearly this has to be very upsetting for her, I would be devestated and worried for my own daughter if I was told this..I would try to reassure her that no matter what happens, she is precious, that she is worthy and that any man who see's this in her will accept whatever God allows to be the case as far as the rest.

Many couples find out after they are married there are infertility problems..and they manage David..it's hard not to be concerned about this possibility for your daughter especially if she wanted to be a mother one day and this no longer is an option..but perhaps now is not the time to focus on this..

The time now is too see what can be done to help that from being the bottom line...yes to get a second opinion and from a specialist who works with this condition. Reassure your daughter and allow her to process what she has been told and try to encourage her that it is worth learning more about this and checking into every reasonable treatment mode and that you support her in this.

Encourage her to use her God given intelligence to seek out as much information as she can so she can understand what she is being told and what her actual type of malformation is..how and why this affects her menstrual cycles and if there are surgical options, what kind and theie succes rate as well as risks to her.

There is alot involved..and at the end of it all the final outcome maybe she is simply not going to be able to have a child or be able to carry a pregnancy full term without great risk to herself..I pray thatis not the case..and she may have been so upset at the time she could have jumped to the worst conclusions becasue she di not entirely understand some of her options..

I wasn't there so I can't say, so leave the door open for some possible good news in this regard..:hug There is the possibility she may still be able to conceive and carry a pregnancy with some of the forms of this malformation but would be at higher risk and simply require a physician who specializes in this down the road..

If possible, she may prefer a woman specialist in this field and should seek one as an alternative, who understands your daughter's priorities and desire to try to rmedy this if possible..thats real important to find a good, board certified specialist, with good references..this is what I would do as a parent..

That is it comes down to David, not your gender, just being there as her parent and giving her support and sharing the strength your own faith gives you when life gets complicated, this was no surprise to God that this was going to happen adn He never permit's anything without a very good reason for the plans He has for us when these things happen. This news "today" may very well be part of what God has planned for tomorrow for her, to bring a man into your daughters life who is truly worthy of her if he is met with this part of her and recognizes her preciousness as she truly deserves and God seeks for her to have.:hug

God bless you for your concern and love for your daughter..I hope this helps somewhat! Count on my prayers for you both as well.

YSIC,
Jubilee

[mmullig]

I do not know from experience, but a very close friend of mine was told the same thing. So as life went on, she found a wonderful Christian man that understood and was willing to accept that they would have to adopt when the time came. Well, she did get pregnant and had a miscarriage during the first trimester. They then decided to adopt and as they were preparing for their new baby, she became pregnant again. Now they have 2 thriving children and could not be happier. Our God is a loving God and he provides. If this were happening to me, I think I would want my father to offer me comfort and understanding. Being a mother kinda defines a woman (women libbers don't get mad at me). There are wonderful men in our world, contrary to popular belief and there are millions of children in need of loving homes. Her womb may be unable to perform, but this does not mean that she cannot be a great mother one day. Prayers for you and her as you struggle through this.

[lisaann]

:hug David, if she is seeking the man that the Lord would have her marry then she shouldn't worry. He will be perfect for her and will accept her. It could be that God has a higher calling in mind for her than marriage. I have a very good friend who is very beautiful and the perfect image of a Christian woman. However, she never married and probably never will. She has been used in so many stunning ways by the Lord because she was not tied down to a husband and children. It would be a privilege to be called by Him in such a way.

I definitely second the second opinions. There are some amazing treatments for women now.

[Pendragon]

Thank you all for your support I am looking at all options now. I agree there is a perfect man for her but by the same tolken i know there are many men out there that are much more "worldly" Her imediate health is great so that is not a concern. I have already reinfornced Sara and Racheal and even the Fact that Mary being a virgin concieved and if G-d wants that for her she will get it no matter what. Sometimes the world comes in for the younger folks so it is hard for them as they are still young in faith. Thanks again if anyone does find out anything more I am all ears

[Mrsppmrxky]

You wil need to seek out another dr. to get a second opinion. Ask some of the ladies at your church if they know of a good specialist in this area. If you do not feel comfotable asking the ladies, then seek your pastor out and see if he can obtain the information from his wife.


If, your daughter can not conceive, you have to know that she will go through a grieving process. It would be the death of all her little girl dreams of growing up and having children.

Yes, she can adopt, yes she can find herself a good Christian man to marry that will not think that she is broken or a lessor woman.

Right now, your daughter may not want to hear about Sara, Hannah and Mary. She is in shock and she needs you to listen and just be her support.

If your daughter will agree, maybe you can go with her to see the dr. (not in the exam room) this way you can listen to the explaination. You can take notes. Your daughter might have had her ears to just stop working when she heard the dr. say this would make it impossible or difficult to have children. In the same way that many patients can't hear past the word cancer when the dr. says the word.

Afterward, if it does come down to she can't have children, it will go in cycles. She will be fine and then her best friend gets married and is pregnant. She will be happy, but also jealous and then she will be heartbroken that she can't feel happy for her firend. She will then feel horrible and wonder what is wrong with her faith that she is feeling this way.

You just need to be there to listen, hug her, love her through the trials.

You don't have to worry about being a single father...............she will be helped so much by your acceptance of her and the unconditional love and prayers that will get her through this.

After, she has some time to adjust, it might really help for her to talk to someone near her age that has the same problem. SOmeone that she can express her anger, fears, disappointments to that understands and can help her see that she is a beautiful creation of God that is perfect and not defective.

[watching4him]

when DH & I, had been married less than two months, I ended up in the hospital for emergency surgery. At the time doctors didn't know what was wrong expect that I was very sick & needed surgery. When they went in for surgery they discovered that I had endometerosis, fibroid tumors, & cysts. They told DH & I, that it was not possible for me to have children. I, had dreamed of nothing else as a little girl than to have babies to love & care for. I was beyond devastated, I was angry not only with the doctors but also with God. I would rejoice when friends or family members would announce their pregnancies, but I was also angry that it was them & not me. Same thing when I would see or hear of child abuse victims ( at the time I worked emergency shelter for abused & delinquent kids). Allow your daughter to grieve for what she may never have put your arms around her & just hold her. Some times when we as women are grieving like this we don't what to hear any thing. When mom came out after my surgery she just sat with me cried, not only had my dreams died but hers as well. But my story doesn't end there, I told the doctors that they were wrong that God would give me children some day. I didn't know when or how, that pray was been answered twice. DH & I, will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary on Monday. We were blessed by two beautiful daughters Sarah, who turned 14 in January & Rachel who will be 9 next month. I got pregnant with both girls after a lot of tears, and waiting for God. Just before Rachel's second birthday I had to have a complete hysterectomy, because there was nothing doctors could do for me. I was blessed to find a OB/GYN who not only was a wonderful doctor, but a Christan as well, he was also a devoted husband & father to his family. I thank God that he helped me find this doctor who was truly a blessing. Before I had DD2, I wanted to have hysterectomy but this wonderful doctor along with DH talked me out of it.

[Pendragon]

Thank you all for the advice I keep checking in as I feel like I am in a fog of how to help her other then prayer. She is doing ok at least from the outside but it is what she is going inside I am worried about. Not just physically bet emoionally and spiritually. She has no mother and I have never remarried since her mother so I just don't have a book of fathers and puberty type thing to work with concerning this

[Sing4Him]

Praying for your daughter.

We do not allow medical advice dispensed on this board-- this is a friendly warning.

[21] No dispensing of medical advice on the board. We realize that at times you need a second opinion concerning ailments and prescription medications, but this is something you should receive from your doctor's office, not from people (strangers) online. Consult your local doctor for medical advice or an emergency response team for any serious condition.


Please no medical advice here. This thread will continue so that we all may give support and prayer to Pendragon.

Thank you. Praying for your daughter and you too, dear.