Need Advice

[Cat05]

I homeschooled my oldest (who is now 18) till she hit highschool, my middle daughter till 5th grade (she's now in 6th), and my son till 3rd grade. I also have twin boys at 4 yrs old.

My problem is my son. He did great the first year we put him in public school the only hitch was he didnt like them telling him something was close enough if it wasn't right. This year though it has been a struggle. Where last year he was popular this year he struggles with bullies and making friends. He doesnt like his teacher. He wrote a paper (the topic was encouragement) about how school sucks. He has started lying so I can't trust him. His reading skills seem to have not advanced since I taught him. He says he wants to homeschool.

The problem is I now work till 11:00 am 4 days a week. I think I could teach around that except my husband is against it. I stopped homeschooling mainly because he is so against it. He thinks the problem is my sons social skills. I'm not so sure. I know we need to find a home church and there has been upheavels in the family (the twins, my going to work). I dont know what to do he's started to get in trouble at school, little things but still he used to be very well behaved. He even talked about suicide to a lady at church. I'm sick with worry and unsure which way to go. Any advice or prayers would be greatly appreciated.

[Amanda's mom]

If he talked about suicide, take it seriously. There is probably more going on than you realize; he may not be telling you everything and teachers/administrators/counselors do not always see everything or believe things when they are told them. I was a victim of bullying for years in school. It has affected every aspect of my life since then and that was in the 1970s. No one at home believed me and no one listened when I tried to talk about it. I also thought about suicide and came extremely close to actually doing it. It was only through God's grace that I didn't.

Your husband may be correct about problems with social interaction. One of the primary reasons that people homeschool is to avoid the negative behaviors of many children in public schools. Your son may not be adequately prepared to handle the bad behaviors of the kids because he's been raised in a Christian home that is loving.

Also, on top of the stress of going in to public schools, he has to deal with the stresses at home because you are at work now.

Keep praying for your son, your family, and for guidance. My advice would be to talk with the school counselor about all of this. The counselor may not be aware at all of what is happening as they are overloaded with the amount of students they have to help. Often, it is only the severe problem student who gets the attention. By bringing the problem to the counselor's attention, you are putting out a safety net for your son at school. Next, if it were me, I would talk with his pediatrician. The pediatrician can give you access to resources that can help you and your son.

I hope that maybe some of this is helpful to you. Hang in there.

[Mezuzas]

Since he is a Christian, the other students know that something is different about him. Christian kids get bullied in schools sometimes.

[Bernardd]

I homeschooled my oldest (who is now 18) till she hit highschool, my middle daughter till 5th grade (she's now in 6th), and my son till 3rd grade. I also have twin boys at 4 yrs old.

My problem is my son. He did great the first year we put him in public school the only hitch was he didnt like them telling him something was close enough if it wasn't right. This year though it has been a struggle. Where last year he was popular this year he struggles with bullies and making friends. He doesnt like his teacher. He wrote a paper (the topic was encouragement) about how school sucks. He has started lying so I can't trust him. His reading skills seem to have not advanced since I taught him. He says he wants to homeschool.

The problem is I now work till 11:00 am 4 days a week. I think I could teach around that except my husband is against it. I stopped homeschooling mainly because he is so against it. He thinks the problem is my sons social skills. I'm not so sure. I know we need to find a home church and there has been upheavels in the family (the twins, my going to work). I dont know what to do he's started to get in trouble at school, little things but still he used to be very well behaved. He even talked about suicide to a lady at church. I'm sick with worry and unsure which way to go. Any advice or prayers would be greatly appreciated.

I'm confused. You homeschooled your oldest two, and I assume you were pleased with the results? If so, why would your husband be against homeschooling now with your son?

From my experience as a teacher his actions at school (getting in trouble with little things) sound like a cry for help or attention. The suicide talk enforces my view.

I'm also confused about the church thing. You're looking for a church but your son talked to a woman at church about suicide? Does that mean you're looking to change churches?

What woman is this? Is this a women you know? How well does your son know her? Did she tell you about this or did your son tell you? That's a very intimate conversation that I would think only a very trusting child would bring up.

Back to the attention issue: If you have twins and have started a new job, are you able to spend enough time with him? Perhaps that's why he's acting out.

Finally, I'll be blunt with MY OPINION. (just take it for what it's worth....and please don't be insulted, I'm just throwing out my 2 cents. If you don't like what I think or have to say, just ignore me and I'll go away.)

I think public schools are disfunctional breading grounds of chaos. My kids are 7 & 4 and will never step foot in one. Yes, I know, there are good schools out there and good teachers, at least that's what everybody says who sends their kids to public schools. Whatever.

I'm not suggesting you should quit your job or remove your child from school, but if your son is that unhappy and has recent behavoir changes for the worse SINCE attending the public school, the problem seems obvious to me, especially since you've had a good experience with your daughters homeschooling them. Maybe you could homeschool him another year or two and then try again.

I have to wonder also, have you spoken to his teacher? Have you spoken to his friends? Since you work til 11:00, maybe you can visit the school from time to time and observe. I had parents coming in all the time to watch, to meet the class, to get to know the kids their children are associating with, and of course to find out a little more about me. You could perhaps visit in short 15-20 min intervals a few times each week, or even have lunch with him and his friends in the cafeteria. If it is just an attention issue, your presence at his school from time to time might help vastly.

I guess the point is to get involved immediately and since your husband seems so adamant about your son staying, maybe he can spend some of his time at the school or whatever.

That being said, please forgive me if I've come across harsh or insensitive. I am only throwing out my opinion. I don't mean to insult you or make you feel bad in any way. And I will pray for you son. And please keep us informed of your progress. As I said, I am a teacher and if you make some progress, it'll help me to communicate to other parents who share similiar situations.

[Cat05]

Thank you for the responses. As far as the questions we belonged to a church for a long time but have become unhappy with it recently. He was attending a kids club with this church and wrote on a worksheet that asked what he thought of himself that he was stupid and crazy. This got him a visit with the pastors wife who asked him why he wanted to kill himself. He replied because of bullies. I heard about this from the pastors wife and his teacher in the club. This is part of the reason I am unhappy with the church.

I would like to bring him back home to school for a couple of years but I would have to fight my husband and I just dont have it in me. I will take your advice though about visiting the school for lunches and such. I did it last year and he liked it. I have talked to the teacher a couple of times. Again thank you for the advice :)

[MochaMel]

^^ I agree with the teacher above.. I would IMHO fight your husband on this; this could be VERY, very dangerous for him meaning your son, i don't necessarily mean start a fight, but truly talk to him about this and ask God to lead you in this.. Kids' being bullied in school has become very commonplace and we've seen the consequences of it in recent years ie: Columbine, etc.

I am praying your husband will open his heart to this and see what you are seeing, and pray he listens to your concerns.. It sounds like your son would thrive in a homeschool environment.. You work graveyard right? SO just school when you get home and then snooze in the afternoons.. He's 3rd grade, so it shouldn't take you more then 4-5 hrs. at MOST i would think.. And you can always adapt your schedule.. For example for my kids' we have swapped our schedule a bit to adjust to me working swing shift on Thurs and Fri and the new baby in the house..

Mon-Reading, writing, math
Tues-Same as above
Wed-Same as above
Thurs and Fri-Science and History

It's working really well for us.. and it limits me doing school ALL day long and overburdening me with such a long and early starting day..

I hope that helps.. :hug