Ways to correct your child?

[lendingheart]

Im having a battle with my 8 year old. It has been a fight in the making for years.

I have repented for fighting with my husband on something he was totally right about.

Smart mouth, back talk, .... spanking has happened alot, put in a the cornor, writing sentances.... unfortunatly when i get mad i start yelling.... so the child sees he has got me mad and is now in control of me.... so im having to learn to speak softly, but sternly, and even smile thou im mad.

he wants me to feel guilty for punishing him. " well i hope you have fun while im writing sentances" But im going to have to learn to like it. Im going out to play in the sun after work today, while he sits at the kitchen table and writes.

Please help me do this. my husband has great ideas, but when i ask him it turnes into a I TOLD YOU SO and i feel awful.

Please give me some great For EXAMPLES that have worked for you. I have read on Total transformation, but i cant swing $300

[Tall Timbers]

You don't need $300 to learn how to correct your child. From your description it appears that you have some personal learning/maturing to do. The best advice I can give it to set aside days for fasting and prayer. Strengthen your relationship with Jesus, get your life closer to Him, not just for your motherhood, but for your status as wife to a man as well. It is His unconditional love that you need to exercise. He will help you but you need to cede control to Him... and you do need to look to your husband in these matters as well, regardless of your husbands response to you. Jesus will help you find the humility and He will transform you before the eyes of your husband and child... if you let Him... Surrender to Jesus, now and always, seek Him in everything. Praise Him in all things, and repent and ask forgiveness of your child whenever you yell at him in anger or otherwise lose control. May the Lord bless you, nurture you, strengthen you, and equip you for the two important positions you hold: Wife and Mother. To be a good mother, you must first be the wife that God would have you be.

Children need security, consistency, discipline, love. I have talked to them, spanked them, made them stand in the corner, sent them to their room. Because they love me they feel the most pain simply when they know that I'm disappointed in them. I take different approaches for each of our four children, as each is different and may best be suited to a different approach. Above all I love them, make sure they know that, and if/when I lose my temper with them or sin in anyway, I repent and ask their forgiveness and use that as a learning tool in my effort to lead them to our Jesus Christ, Savior.

[lisa]

Well said, Tall Timbers.

I'd just add that you and your husband need to be clear first and foremost on what behaviors warrant correction. Once that is established, be fair, be firm, and be consistent. Kids will always push boundaries. But they need to know you mean business everytime they cross the line.

Have in mind what consequences make sense for a specific offense.

I'm a teacher, not a parent, but I can say that I have far better results in discipline if I keep my emotions in check and out of the discipline equation altogether. Having a plan on how you will deal with discipline issues is a great way to keep your emotions in check because you already know what to do... you follow your plan.

And in moments you feel weak, have a back-up plan of isolation (for the child as well as for yourself) so that you can pray, get yourself together, and execute your plan.

I will be praying for you.

[lisaann]

Agreeing with Tall Timbers and Lisa. A very good Christian book you might want to consider on parenting is Sheparding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. He has alot of very valuable, Biblical advice on parenting. Bottom line is don't keep changing the rules and punishments. Stick with the same rules and the same punishments and be consistant EVERY time.

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=37191&netp_id=112418&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW&view=details

[Theresa]

I agree with the posts above.

Think about situations and their consequences ahead of time. Make him aware of consequences so he knows what to expect. When he messes up, calmly repeat the consequences AND DO IT. Be calm and consistent. He is plenty old enough (and smart enough) to understand responsibility and consequences. If a situation comes up that wasn't thought of ahead of time, it is perfectly okay to tell your son that he messed up and that you will get back to him at a later time after you have discussed the situation and its consequences with your husband. Stay calm (this is my downfall).

It's hard, but it's not too late. You can get a handle on this. Here is a site that might help - they have resources that you can purchase, i.e a book for $25 rather than a suitcase full of stuff that you may never get to (they sell that, too, I think LOL). If/when you decide on a book, price-check at buy.com, amazon.com, and overstock.com, where you can sometimes get them cheaper or used. Good luck. :hug

[funmudder]

:nod what they said :thumb

[lisaann]

Smart mouth, back talk, .... spanking has happened alot, put in a the cornor, writing sentances.... unfortunatly when i get mad i start yelling.... so the child sees he has got me mad and is now in control of me.... so im having to learn to speak softly, but sternly, and even smile thou im mad.



First thing you need to do is punish at the first offense, don't wait until you are ready to blow your top. If she still is disobedient then she get's punished again. The key is you cannot let even one :rolleyes slip by without a consequence.

No one has the right to belittle someone by yelling at them. The reason that she has gotten you to that point is because of your lack of proper discipline up to that point. Whenever our children are getting out of line, if we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that it is because we are lax in discipline. I see it in my own kids. If I slack off then they start acting up............that is my fault, not theirs. If I am consistent in my loving discipline then they are no problem. Yelling is a sign of a lack of self control which is one of the fruits of the spirit. Remember you are modeling this trait to her.

Scripture tells us not to frustrate or anger our children. Lack of structure, changing the rules, changing the consequences and not being consistent will most certainly anger and frustrate them.

Read a chapter of Proverbs every day. In fact read them with your dd. Chapter 13 is especially good.

Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Proverbs 22:15 "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.:

Proverbs 23:13-14 "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death."

Proverbs 6:16-17 "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue......" Haughty eyes are seen in people when they :rolleyes. This is a serious offense! The Lord finds it detestable!

[scott00049]

Lisaann wrote:
No one has the right to belittle someone by yelling at them. The reason that she has gotten you to that point is because of your lack of proper discipline up to that point.

That is an excellent, excellent piece of advice. That is my single biggest mistake with my own kids. If nobody else gets anything from this thread, I learned something about myself today.

Thank You.

[pagal]

Oh my word, I 'm right there with you. Anger and yelling is my number one problem I'm trying my HARDEST to overcome.

I feel ok with my daughter but my SON is my hardest to stay in control with. He will do something annoying like make this grunting sound really loud at his sister, then I say stop it George. Then he goes, Guuuuuuurrrrunt. And I'll say George, i SAID stop it right now. Then another guuuuuuuuruuuunt (now his sister is crying STOOOOOOOOOP) and I'll raise my voice, I SAID STOP IT. Then up to your room. He stomps off I DON"T CARE.....I"M ANGRY....I"M THIS...THROW OUT ALL MY TOYS..... :Rant

I'd say he's the #1 distruptive one in the house. He's antagonizing to his sister, he doesn't listen and I'm at my wits end......

And I'm frustrated at him for not listening, and myself for resorting to yelling and not being in control.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

I think my PROBLEM is coming up with a clear PLAN of discipline.

He's almost 8.

Take away tv...he doesn't care and ends up misbehaving.
Send him to his room, he plays and then comes down.
Make him write -He hates that one and yells the whole time.


HELP...

[lyngraphics]

Another big thing is punish him, let him know why he is being punished, and then ignore him. Is he too old for time out? I say if it's really bad, give him a swat, talk to him about what he did wrong, and then put him in time out. Ignore anything he is saying to you while he is in time out- if he gets out then physically put him back there.
If he thinks time-out is for babies, then maybe he will feel silly for being there and try to do better next time.
I do this for my 4 year old son... I don't swat him unless is is really bad, but the time-out thing and ignoring works. When I tell him time-out is over, he usually comes and apologizes on his own.

My grandma always said no attention to bad behavior. I ALWAYS brag on the kids for being good, but if they are bad I explain, punish and then ignore the whining and crying....don't even tell him he is extending the time out by throwing a fit- don't say a word.

I don't know if this helps with an older kid, but my son can get pretty wild at times and will ignore things I am telling him...