*Rachel1234*
April 16th, 2008, 12:41 PM
Hi there,
I need help from some other parents on what consequences to give my son for his bad behavior. First some background: My son is 12 years old and is generally a good kid. He gets along well with others, he gets straight A's in school, he plays on little league baseball and football teams and does really well, and he seems generally happy. But .... he has always had a problem with taking things that do not belong to him. Even when he was little. He would sneak soda, ice cream, candy and other treats up to his room, and he would steal his sisters candy (from Easter, Christmas, etc...). We have scolded and grounded him before many times about it when we can prove it (wrappers or soda cans found empty in his room), but most of the other times we cannot prove it and he acts innocent.
Okay, so now our problem today. Well, recently my daughters have been complaining of money missing from their piggy banks, and although we couldn't "prove" it was our son, my husband and I knew it was him. None of our other children (all younger than my son) have EVER stolen or snuck anything to their rooms .... ever. Plus, they were the ones who were missing money .... can't steal from yourself. So ...... we warned our son that it better not be him taking their money and he, of course, pled innocent the entire time (claiming that maybe the girls just "lost" their money on their own from carelessness or misplacing it :rolleyes ). So I purchased each child a small tin bank with a LOCK on it, to keep their money in, and I kept the all the keys in my room in MY possession. That way, he can never get into their money again. No key = no opening the bank = no money taken. Well ................... today while I was doing the laundry I found one of the girl's keys to her bank in the laundry. It just fell on the floor when I picked up the dirty laundry from the hamper. The kids clothes were all mixed together, so there was no "proof"' of whose clothing it was in before it fell out onto the floor. But I knew. I took the keys up to my son's bedroom and looked under his bed. Sure enough, I found his sister's money bank, STILL LOCKED and FULL under his bed next to a pair of scissors. My guess is that he stole the keys from my room, then lost the keys in the laundry, so he decided to try to pry his sister's bank open with the scissors. Obviously it didn;t work because the bank was still full. But he kept the bank and scissors under his bed, presumably to keep working on it.
So ........ this has gotten TOTALLY out of hand. he is 12 years old. He knows better now. We have been grounding him for this since he was 5 years old. There is NO excuse for this.
But what should be the punishment/consequences for his behavior? He didn't actually steal any money because he couldn't get the bank open, so we can't make him "'pay the money back" .... he never got to take it - couldn't break the lock.
Plus, grounding doesn't work. It's been what we've been doing, and obviously it doesn't work.
I think it's good to let kids experience the natural consequences of their bad behavior (if they're late for school they get a detention ... I will not lie and tell the school they were sick or that we had car problems). But what would those consequences be in this situation when he never got his hands on the money ... just attempted to? Taking the bank from his sisters room and taking the keys from my room ARE taking things without permission, but how do you make him "pay back" that???
What should we do? We don't just want to "punish" him .... we want to teach him a LESSON that will stop this behavior once and for all. Please don't tell us to go see a therapist or counselor ..... no way I would ever do that. Please tell me how YOU would handle this at your house.
Sorry for the long post. But thank you for listening and helping me.
Like I said ..... he is generally a really good kid. He helps out at home with chores, gets all good grades, is kind to people and animals, and is generally happy and friendly. he seems like the perfect child ..... except for the sneaking and stealing. WHY?????? We are not poor ... he gets so much more than my husband or I ever had. If he just asked for the money, I probably would have given it to him (or at least let him do a chore to earn it). He is by no means deprived .... he has so much. He really has NO NEED to steal a single thing.
I don't understand. help. :idunno
.
I need help from some other parents on what consequences to give my son for his bad behavior. First some background: My son is 12 years old and is generally a good kid. He gets along well with others, he gets straight A's in school, he plays on little league baseball and football teams and does really well, and he seems generally happy. But .... he has always had a problem with taking things that do not belong to him. Even when he was little. He would sneak soda, ice cream, candy and other treats up to his room, and he would steal his sisters candy (from Easter, Christmas, etc...). We have scolded and grounded him before many times about it when we can prove it (wrappers or soda cans found empty in his room), but most of the other times we cannot prove it and he acts innocent.
Okay, so now our problem today. Well, recently my daughters have been complaining of money missing from their piggy banks, and although we couldn't "prove" it was our son, my husband and I knew it was him. None of our other children (all younger than my son) have EVER stolen or snuck anything to their rooms .... ever. Plus, they were the ones who were missing money .... can't steal from yourself. So ...... we warned our son that it better not be him taking their money and he, of course, pled innocent the entire time (claiming that maybe the girls just "lost" their money on their own from carelessness or misplacing it :rolleyes ). So I purchased each child a small tin bank with a LOCK on it, to keep their money in, and I kept the all the keys in my room in MY possession. That way, he can never get into their money again. No key = no opening the bank = no money taken. Well ................... today while I was doing the laundry I found one of the girl's keys to her bank in the laundry. It just fell on the floor when I picked up the dirty laundry from the hamper. The kids clothes were all mixed together, so there was no "proof"' of whose clothing it was in before it fell out onto the floor. But I knew. I took the keys up to my son's bedroom and looked under his bed. Sure enough, I found his sister's money bank, STILL LOCKED and FULL under his bed next to a pair of scissors. My guess is that he stole the keys from my room, then lost the keys in the laundry, so he decided to try to pry his sister's bank open with the scissors. Obviously it didn;t work because the bank was still full. But he kept the bank and scissors under his bed, presumably to keep working on it.
So ........ this has gotten TOTALLY out of hand. he is 12 years old. He knows better now. We have been grounding him for this since he was 5 years old. There is NO excuse for this.
But what should be the punishment/consequences for his behavior? He didn't actually steal any money because he couldn't get the bank open, so we can't make him "'pay the money back" .... he never got to take it - couldn't break the lock.
Plus, grounding doesn't work. It's been what we've been doing, and obviously it doesn't work.
I think it's good to let kids experience the natural consequences of their bad behavior (if they're late for school they get a detention ... I will not lie and tell the school they were sick or that we had car problems). But what would those consequences be in this situation when he never got his hands on the money ... just attempted to? Taking the bank from his sisters room and taking the keys from my room ARE taking things without permission, but how do you make him "pay back" that???
What should we do? We don't just want to "punish" him .... we want to teach him a LESSON that will stop this behavior once and for all. Please don't tell us to go see a therapist or counselor ..... no way I would ever do that. Please tell me how YOU would handle this at your house.
Sorry for the long post. But thank you for listening and helping me.
Like I said ..... he is generally a really good kid. He helps out at home with chores, gets all good grades, is kind to people and animals, and is generally happy and friendly. he seems like the perfect child ..... except for the sneaking and stealing. WHY?????? We are not poor ... he gets so much more than my husband or I ever had. If he just asked for the money, I probably would have given it to him (or at least let him do a chore to earn it). He is by no means deprived .... he has so much. He really has NO NEED to steal a single thing.
I don't understand. help. :idunno
.