thinking seriously

[Just Dave]

I've been dating my sweetie for a while now, and we get along very well. Had our first fight and got through it without too much trauma. I'm thinking that perhaps this relationship has the potential for becoming much more serious. There is one thing I'm wondering about though and I'm too much of a coward to bring it up with any ladies I know, especially my sweetie.

Thing is, I love children and always wanted at least two. My best friend has a daughter, and I think he is the luckiest guy in the world, I love it when he bring her over and we play in the pool or go to the park. When she calls me Uncle Dave and holds up those chubby arms for a hug, I melt. I can't wait to have children of my own. Problem is, my sweetie is 12 years older than I am, which makes her 35. Is that too old for a first child? I've heard that after a certain age it becomes much more difficult to get pregnant. Also I'm wondering why she hasn't had kids already? I'd like the facts before broaching such a sensitive subject. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I'd hate to hurt her feelings by being a big dummy and saying something stupid. Not like I haven't done that before or anything..... :ohno

[Ladybug]

No, it's not too old. Older women are having their first children about that age. But it can be more difficult to get pregnant, and have more difficulties during the pregnancy, increased risk of birth defects, etc. But it's certainly very possible to have no trouble conceiving. :) Nothing is impossible with God. And remember, even if there is problems, there is always adoption.

(btw, I'm 43, BF is 27 and I'm thinking about having one, God willing. :heh)

[Hootmon]

Unless there is an underlying medical issue, 35 is certainly not too old for a woman to have a child if she is taking care of her health and nutrition responsibly.

43, onthe the other hand... :ponder

:hug

[Kristina]

Not to old.
But simply asking her if she desires to have kids one day would be a good starter conversation to see what her thoughts on the matter are.

If you are really set on having kids, and her answer is "no, I don't want to have kids." Then you need to decide if that is a "break it" kind of answer. Because you wanting kids and she not wanting them is something that can fester over time in a marriage.

[mbtcforJesus]

I've been dating my sweetie for a while now, and we get along very well. Had our first fight and got through it without too much trauma. I'm thinking that perhaps this relationship has the potential for becoming much more serious. There is one thing I'm wondering about though and I'm too much of a coward to bring it up with any ladies I know, especially my sweetie.

Thing is, I love children and always wanted at least two. My best friend has a daughter, and I think he is the luckiest guy in the world, I love it when he bring her over and we play in the pool or go to the park. When she calls me Uncle Dave and holds up those chubby arms for a hug, I melt. I can't wait to have children of my own. Problem is, my sweetie is 12 years older than I am, which makes her 35. Is that too old for a first child? I've heard that after a certain age it becomes much more difficult to get pregnant. Also I'm wondering why she hasn't had kids already? I'd like the facts before broaching such a sensitive subject. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I'd hate to hurt her feelings by being a big dummy and saying something stupid. Not like I haven't done that before or anything..... :ohno


Dave, my wife had our first at 35 and second at 38. Just make sure (if you end up marrying her) that she wants to have kids too. Otherwise you could end up being miserable.

[iLoveJesusChristAmen]

no matter what either one of you want,,,God's will be done.

[Aneriz]

Go ahead. Ask her if she likes children. If she does not volunteer that she has hoped for one of her own, then ask her. Many times a woman would love to have kids, but the opportunity hasn't presented itself. It is not like one can take a prescription for a good husband/father to the drugstore and get it filled.

I had my first of 3 babies after 35. I had no problems or complications. The only difficult thing was that the medical staff treated me differently, quite annoying (considering that I was in better shape then most of them). Be ready for that.

Blessings to you and your soon to be bride?

[funmudder]

If ya can't broach that subject with her yet, then it's still a pretty new relationship right?


Having kids is a HUGE deal and it's better to know if you are like minded about it now, before you get in too deep.

My BIL married a woman he thought would change her mind about having kids, when she was adamantly against them, and honest about it, from the start. Every single time he is around our kids you hear the regret, and the resentment that she never wanted to have his children. They are still married, but there is so much pain there it over shadows quite a lot in their lives.

[Kathe]

I had 2 children after I turned 40. One at 43.

Kathe

[Just Dave]

It's a pretty new relationship, and I'm shy about asking personal stuff. I don't want to give the wrong impression. We're in that in between stage, where you decide whether to keep it going or that you need to break it off and look elsewhere. I need to bring this subject up, sort of casual like and see where it goes. I'm just not good at talking seriously to woman. I always end up sounding too serious, or like a dummy with my foot in my mouth.