Very antagonistic non-believer! Help!

[Freedbychrist]

Hello everyone,

Well, first of all, I live in Boulder, Colorado, and although I LOVE the location and am really enjoying myself and my church, many of the people here have an absolute hatred of the Lord!

My major is psychology with a gender studies minor (want to be a Christian marriage counselor), and I have never minded being known as "the religious girl," in fact it has sparked many a good dialogue. But one of the girls in my summer research group says absolutely DISPARAGING things when she knows I can hear them. Blood sacrifices, burning crosses, and having abortions have all been brought up in her "staged" conversations. In return, I have been nothing but nice to her. It is obvious she is a hurt, angry, confused person, but it's really starting to wear on me! Today I got so angry I left the room for a few minutes to keep from exploding.

I have been praying for her but, if this keeps up, I am considering confronting her point blank and asking her what she has against Christians. I also want to find a way to witness to her, but I have been praying about that and God has made me feel like I should take it slowly. Still, I don't even know where to begin! Advice, please, anything!

[A2J]

My thoughts would be that you are already doing the right thing by being calm and non confrontational with her. It sounds like she is baiting you and just wants you to blow up - that would give her alot of satisfaction.
I imagine it is very hard to keep your cool but that's what I would do. Others might have better advice than I. :)

[HeIsEnough]

I would agree. I have many people bait me over many things, though your situation seems pretty extreme. More than likely, she will discombobulate after a while when she can't get the fight she so desires. As always, be careful and attentive to what the Spirit is telling you to say, if anything at all.

[Veillifted]

Hello everyone,

Well, first of all, I live in Boulder, Colorado, and although I LOVE the location and am really enjoying myself and my church, many of the people here have an absolute hatred of the Lord!

My major is psychology with a gender studies minor (want to be a Christian marriage counselor), and I have never minded being known as "the religious girl," in fact it has sparked many a good dialogue. But one of the girls in my summer research group says absolutely DISPARAGING things when she knows I can hear them. Blood sacrifices, burning crosses, and having abortions have all been brought up in her "staged" conversations. In return, I have been nothing but nice to her. It is obvious she is a hurt, angry, confused person, but it's really starting to wear on me! Today I got so angry I left the room for a few minutes to keep from exploding.

I have been praying for her but, if this keeps up, I am considering confronting her point blank and asking her what she has against Christians. I also want to find a way to witness to her, but I have been praying about that and God has made me feel like I should take it slowly. Still, I don't even know where to begin! Advice, please, anything!

Stay cool.. approach her in love and pray pray pray for her.. pray she comes into a full knowledge of the Lord - and pray fervently for her.

The seed you plant in her heart might be the calmness and your ability to allow her assault to roll off of her back....

Use her assaults as an opportunity to express how the Lord has changed your life, personally i used to joke about crazy christians and born again believers and now when faced with that i draw on my own experience to tell them how i used to feel the same way as they did but than i share my testimony and what changes in my heart that have taken place- how God has used me thus far and where He might be taking me.

[TomSki]

I agree with Veillifted, your composure does not go unnoticed.

A JW I work with was doing this for awhile and I ignored it. One day, I went up to him and spoke with him directly about it, but in a friendly way - it took the wind out of his sails.

[Jubilee21]

:hug
Perhaps some practical advice here..

Clearly her conduct is not appropriate, a form of life rage alongside of her spiritual vacancy.

Keep in mind you are entering a field and aspiring to enter counseling here, are there to learn how to be a facilitator.I fyou are indeed going to be working with married folks, Christian or not, they do get to places where they are fighting dirty and mean and are unable to resolve the issues by themselves whichis why they are going to be coming to you.

To be a "counselor' requires learning what it means to detach one's self from the arguement and personifying it, getting drawn into the emotional parts of it.It's recognizing why they do things, and then using the knowledge you have to teach them how to use those insights to arrive at better methods to
find resolutions for things.

For example my father was a surgeon, I will never forget one day he came home and is clothes were covered in blood..and found him in the laundry room trying to clean up himself and hide the mess from my mother and younger sibblings, and he was weeping silently while he did this.

I wouldn't leave until he told me why, and he explained how there had been a shootout at a crime scene, one of his dearest friends, one I knew well had been shot by the criminal..he was a police office

the man who had shot him had been wounded as well by gunfire..the victims were btrought tothe ER at the hospital my father worked, and thats how my Dad was "brought into this"..His friend was brought in first, and despite my fathers efforts to save him, died in the ER room,

yet immediately afterwords, the man who shot him was brought in..and required heart syrgery due to the wound. My father spent 7 hours in surgery repairing the damage, and saved this mans life. It was his blood that was all over my fathers clothes.

I was so brokenhearted, and mad, I couldn't understand why my dad had worked so hard to save this man..and he used this opportunity to show me one of th most valuable lessons I ever learned..you see that man who was killed was my God father, and I knew him only as family.

Doctors are human, they feel all the pain, the wrongness and they are no different they we are, they want justice in such cases like yours as my Dad did in his..as I did..Counselors are no less very connected to the problems they are there to attempt to try to assist with.

My Dad said he had given his word he would not do harm, and that meant he could not look at that man as he was , but to give him the same level of care that he would gave my god-father becasue thats what God says,,that we don't have to like it, but becasue we love God, we just do it!..

The rest is up to God to take care of..that is what keeps us from becoming just like the men who go around shooting others and doing very bad things.My father believed this, he never abandoned this..and yet it drove him crazy at times..to try to live with the classic battle of perspectives it takes to detach ones self from this when they are in the heat of the battle, when it is "personal".

This is real life..there are broken people who do things because they do not know better, literally, spiritually and otherwise...you do not know how or why she got to the state she did, she is "acting out" so badly..but you do know a lot more then you think you do about Christ and what He says about all of this.
.
Ultimately its not about you..it really isn't..its not 'personal'..what this gal, says or does , does not make it so..unless you make it personal, make it "your problem" and allow her to grag you into it and become part of it.

Smile at her when she gets nasty and just blow it off, seriously, if a response is warranted, tell her that you are very grateful God has brought her into your life and how she is just confirming that you are on the right path..becasue she has been put on it.

Her conduct just shows you how many folks are hurting and don't know any better when they act out like she does..and there is always going to be work to do and you are excited about the opportunity to be able to used by God to help folks like her. That her conduct reminds you of road rage..its not about you, just a complete stranger who is walking through life, very mad, very small, very mean spirited and takes great comfort in being just miserable, becasue its true, misery loves company!

She's not making you upset, trust me..its not about you..and you are makang yourself get upst by letting her. Classic 'door" Satan opens up to tempt us to drawn into his schemes..step back and remember how Christ responded to those who did no differently to him and follow his example, by owning it.He is the Master, you are the student, no student is greater than the teacher or Master.

By that, I mean allow Christ to respond with his heart, even when others are breaking yours..by reacting with your heart opposed to responding with His, you are basically reinforceing her conduct by perpetuating it..don't..how you respond is the answer to fixing the problem she is trying to cause you by simply not making it your problem.:hug

Christian couples will sit in your office and try to get you to take sides and you will run into places and situations where you will have "a side" when it comes to some of the issues..just make sure you are on Gods side of it and stay out of the middle of trying to be used take sides with anyone here.You will be there for a reason..and its to bring them together to find a resolution, not give them more ammunition to keep the fight going.

Thats why you are taking classes to learn how to do this effectively and apply it in real life situations just as you find yourself in right now. Use this one to learn ..nothing she says about Christ is true, you know this, and these two things do not change just becasue she sits there and carries on with her childish cruelty..blow it off as if it never happened and just be more confident and compassionate towards her in respect to not treating her a she as treated you..treat her as Christ treats us all, even those like her..:hug

She might not get this, but I assure you those that are observing this will be watching and your response may well tip the scale for them to see much!

[republic74]

Great job in staying cool that is the best thing to do. I would suggest just smile at her when she says these things and tell her that you will pray for her!!!! But be ready to defend your self if she tries to debate you.

[Jubilee21]

I wanted to add a thought here, and please consider it prayerfully..
I understand why you did lose your cool..but I am approaching this from the position IMHO, you did.:hug

You chose to listen to those 'disparaging remarks', you chose to allow yourself to become angry, and you chose to personalize it to such an extent you had to leave the room before you "blew your top". ..it was alrady seeing blood and your face was already probably turned blue, before you left.,,lol!..so you lost..don't kid youself.

So in this case, the "religious girl" reacted very badly here, she let the "bad girl" in the back of the room "win" by falling into the trap of participating in the game to begin with that had she been a bit more humble in terms of knowing the priorities of not doing so, would have "won" by losing a different way..:hug

Getting angry is not wrong, just sinning in our anger is..and in this case may I suggest you try to break it down a bit more about what made you ---make 'you get angry here'..

From my perspective when I encountered such situations as a younger "me" and I did then , as I still do all the time..

when we are younger, we knee jerk with our reactions..our attitudes and actions are always in sync with our maturity level just like everyone else...life has shown me notonly how I was only half as smart as I thought I was then, but also twice as dumb , becasue I was..lol!!

You just had this exposed to you , "for you" by Christ..IMHO, and you have just been taught and hopefully know will use and learn from this priceless lesson why God permitted you to have this exposed to you, in this manner..

This is not meant to offend you or insult you, please understand, it is meant to offer you insights about what it takes to grow up and the work it requires to be done in us by Christ to be willing to stay true to our Christian traditions and principles in spite of what others do.

Sounds like God has called you into a life of adventure..in the trenches where life is very real, and folks painfully human nor is the work all glamorous, as our idealism gets refined into a much more healthy and very good realism about what it means to follow Christ.

If you are sitting in a room where some bitter classmate is carrying on and making a sport out of tormenting you, you are there for "you" to learn about you, just as Peter had to be taught and shown much about himself he did not see before he became humbled by Christ to see Christ in all the circumstnaces..

Remember how Peter paniced and "blew it" ?He never saw he could bail and run on Christ..He was swinging swords around and cutting off ears left and right. showing Christ all the sinners and how bad their sins were.... and each time Christ pateintly said to him.."Child, you have much to learn about you so I can use you to serve me..and thus beginith the leasons!"

Peter was a full grown man, three years into his ministry and walk with Christ in Christs classrooms and though He was very "smart" and rearing to go to work and show the world just how smart and how much he knew.."about them" and what "their problems were" and how "he" was going "to fix them"..lol!!

So much at this point of your walk with God as you are to learn about your faith begins with such a classroom where God allows these situations to teach us "about us"..not so much about the otheres and "their problems", those are not rocket science when it comes to identifying them:hug

Sounds to me, and trust me I have been there, this was about you "blowing it" far more than it was about the other gal making you blow up ..

you are curently in a "boot camp" environment where you are getting clued into what a real battle you are going to walk into,this was not a bout how this gal was treating you and how mad she made you at all is sort of my point..

Leave it with that and you will miss a valuable lesson..you made it all about how she was treating you first because you 'only thought' it was about how she was treating Christ.. ..step back and try to understand that,its not meant to insult you, I am no differnt than you in how I had to learn "this lesson", am jut sharing the lessons I learned..just like you are..am still learning them too..

life is not static, we are being refined every day, being molded more into the image of Christ by "fire", lessons and opportunities, people, circumstances we come to becasue God has put them there "for us"..

so this is a very good thing..if we let it be so and like Peter own our failures and not try to get around them by finding them in others when it comes to who "offended Christ" more when we were being tested by Christ to be shown how we still need the work done in us to do the work for others that He wants from us on their behalf.:hug

She made you forget who you are and that you are a child of Christ, that was a temptation that you have no excuse for yeilding to..that you forgot this, is your "responsibility" if you knew it, and is your responsibility to learn if you did not, but thought you were a lot more wise; than you really were when it came to "your righteousness".Apparently you thought you were a prrety good religious girl too perhaps?:hug:hug..like Peter saw himself before the cross.:idunno seems to me he had to learn some pretty powerful lessons about that line of thinking and did from Christ once he realized why he needed to.:nod

Christ broke Peter of this childish tendency to fall into this trap, and once Peter wrapped his brain cell around what was happening and why, "the lights went on" so to speak..that was when he was truly ready to take the next step into the ministry Jesus had hand selected Him for.

Embrace this lesson for the many spiritual roots it brings you back to being grounded in your faith with the same perspective Paul and Peter gained from theirs , to be content and find joy in all trials and circumstances by keeping your eyes and ears on Christ.:hug

Don't become distracted by others who would have you look and listen to other things..trust me they will, leran from your mistakes first, and then you will learn :hugto help others from theirs.. a properly prepared soldier becomes far more useful in battle, much of the preparation has to transpire in his perspective of things as it does when it comes to the things he looks upon when he comes up against them in the heat of battle!

[Freedbychrist]

I wanted to add a thought here, and please consider it prayerfully..
I understand why you did lose your cool..but I am approaching this from the position IMHO, you did.:hug

Well, I really don't think I did lose my cool. I haven't talked back to her/glared at her/gossiped about her to my peers - when I left the room, I excused myself on the pretense of going to the bathroom. I wasn't blue in the face, although I had been very quiet for some time.

You're right though, I should be more thick-skinned and try not to listen to her comments, but I am human. I think that the point you made about Peter is a good one, and I'm sure that going back and reading some various NT passages will strengthen my resolve!

I will continue to pray. Thank you everyone for your kind encouragement.

[searching7777]

Hey Freed, I am in Boulder as well near campus and do agree, many here are not interested in talking about the Lord and love shows blesphemising his name and are critical of Christians.

I think you the others here have lent some great advice.

What year are you? I am finishing up my last class (Spanish 3000) and then will be graduated and looking for a job in the IR field.

Hope the rest of your project goes well with this girl, I will say a prayer for you.