What should I do about this ugly situation?

[ludite]

I sure need advise about what I should do in resolving this dificult situation.

This past weekend, we had a very large party with several of our close friends. Our house is party central (backyard pool for watervollyball, two
dart boards, horseshoes, etc,). This is a very nice, supportive group of
people who have been coming over for 10 years every Sunday afternoon
during the summer and have become like family for myself and my husband.
And we are not wild, crazy kids most of us are in our 50s. A friend of mine,
from our days in the navy has recently (8 months ago) got a divorce and
has joined us a couple of times at the parties/cookouts in our backyard.
She has been a real friend to me and has shared my love of Christ and
we email and have wonderful discussions of our faith. But this past weekend,
she came on to the husbands of two of my other close friends. Even to
cornering one guy in the bathroom and trying to kiss him. The wives told me
and one of the husbands confirmed that it happened. I can't be watching
everyone with over 40 people here and me hostess. The wife-friends and
the husband-friends have said that I need to talk to her about her behavior,
and I guess that it's my responsibility.
She has been my friend for more than 20 years. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I love my other friends too and they have not done anything wrong. What do I say to her, how do I bring this up when I talk to her again? :pray

[lovinlife4]

Well it sure puts you into a tough position but her behavior kinda shows she's reaching out for attention. Ask her if there is anything she needs and point out that you heard that there was some inappropriate behavior. She may just need some affection and is looking in all the wrong places. Be there for her, confront her in a friendly, non-combative way and I'm sure it will all work out just fine! Hang in there :hug

[ludite]

Thanks for your reply. I'm sure she need attention, and I was thinking that maybe
I can get some time to spend with her alone. It's difficult to give anyone much
attention when in the middle of a mountain of house guests.

[CircleSlide]

I would not allow that woman back in my house for now . I definitly would talk to her about this.

[Murph96]

I sure need advise about what I should do in resolving this dificult situation.

This past weekend, we had a very large party with several of our close friends. Our house is party central (backyard pool for watervollyball, two
dart boards, horseshoes, etc,). This is a very nice, supportive group of
people who have been coming over for 10 years every Sunday afternoon
during the summer and have become like family for myself and my husband.
And we are not wild, crazy kids most of us are in our 50s. A friend of mine,
from our days in the navy has recently (8 months ago) got a divorce and
has joined us a couple of times at the parties/cookouts in our backyard.
She has been a real friend to me and has shared my love of Christ and
we email and have wonderful discussions of our faith. But this past weekend,
she came on to the husbands of two of my other close friends. Even to
cornering one guy in the bathroom and trying to kiss him. The wives told me
and one of the husbands confirmed that it happened. I can't be watching
everyone with over 40 people here and me hostess. The wife-friends and
the husband-friends have said that I need to talk to her about her behavior,
and I guess that it's my responsibility.
She has been my friend for more than 20 years. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I love my other friends too and they have not done anything wrong. What do I say to her, how do I bring this up when I talk to her again? :prayI have to ask, was their alcohol involved. If so, I am by no means condoning this behavior, but maybe alcohol with this lady is a problem. Just curious because I know people can act like fools when they have alcohol flowing in their veins.

[Krayola]

You've stated your female friend is a believer, but are the others involved in this (the husbands and their wives) also believers?
I would not just assume her guilty and accuse her without giving her a chance to explain her side of what happened. Is this a situaion where it is one person's word against the other? Regarding the man (or men) who accused this lady, are they men of integrity, whose word you can rely upon?

When I heard that she allegedly cornered a man in the bathroom and tried to kiss him..well...I don't know any of the parties involved but generally speaking, that is kind of abnormal in my opinion....true, I am from the South and maybe it is different down here but women, generally speaking, do not normally physically force themselves on men who want nothing to do with them (unless they are drunk). Not saying it could not happen but that is not the norm. So I would not assume she is guilty without good cause. How do you know that it was not the husband who saw her as "fair game" (newly divorced woman) and that he was the agressor? If she refused his advance and threatened to tell, he may have been afraid she'd tell his wife, so he made up a story first before she could tell anyone, maybe getting his buddy to cover for him. Yes, I am speculating here, for sure, but the whole story of her physically forcing herself on this man just sounds a little fishy to me for some reason. Could it have happened? Absolutely. But I would not just take it at face value, be sure that you investigate this matter and ask your friend what happened before accusing her.

If it turns out that she is guilty, her behavior needs to be addressed and she should apologize to all parties, especially if she wants to be invited back to your home. Even after that, you may want to think twice before inviting her again as her presence could still make the others uncomfortable (again, assuming she turns out to be guilty).

[TeachMe]

You've stated your female friend is a believer, but are the others involved in this (the husbands and their wives) also believers?
I would not just assume her guilty and accuse her without giving her a chance to explain her side of what happened. Is this a situaion where it is one person's word against the other? Regarding the man (or men) who accused this lady, are they men of integrity, whose word you can rely upon?

When I heard that she allegedly cornered a man in the bathroom and tried to kiss him..well...I don't know any of the parties involved but generally speaking, that is kind of abnormal in my opinion....true, I am from the South and maybe it is different down here but women, generally speaking, do not normally physically force themselves on men who want nothing to do with them (unless they are drunk). Not saying it could not happen but that is not the norm. So I would not assume she is guilty without good cause. How do you know that it was not the husband who saw her as "fair game" (newly divorced woman) and that he was the agressor? If she refused his advance and threatened to tell, he may have been afraid she'd tell his wife, so he made up a story first before she could tell anyone, maybe getting his buddy to cover for him. Yes, I am speculating here, for sure, but the whole story of her physically forcing herself on this man just sounds a little fishy to me for some reason. Could it have happened? Absolutely. But I would not just take it at face value, be sure that you investigate this matter and ask your friend what happened before accusing her.

If it turns out that she is guilty, her behavior needs to be addressed and she should apologize to all parties, especially if she wants to be invited back to your home. Even after that, you may want to think twice before inviting her again as her presence could still make the others uncomfortable (again, assuming she turns out to be guilty).

Personally, I think this is the most wise approach.
Investigate, and do not accuse her at this time.
Ask for HER side of the story.
This is so sad that this has happened.
A large group of friends and something like this happens...
makes it hard for the whole group and will surely cause some hard feelings somewhere and some will undoubtedly leave the group.
Why grown people cannot conduct themselves in an appropriate manner is beyond me.

[ludite]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I will indeed investigate this further, but I am inclined to believe the guys. They are good men and we have never had any kind of problem like this before, even with several single women who come over here often.

I did not watch to see if she was drinking, but some of the people here were drinking these smoothie ice cream, banana, and rum drinks. It may have been to many of those.

[Cd4u_2]

I sure need advise about what I should do in resolving this dificult situation.

This past weekend, we had a very large party with several of our close friends. Our house is party central (backyard pool for watervollyball, two
dart boards, horseshoes, etc,). This is a very nice, supportive group of
people who have been coming over for 10 years every Sunday afternoon
during the summer and have become like family for myself and my husband.
And we are not wild, crazy kids most of us are in our 50s. A friend of mine,
from our days in the navy has recently (8 months ago) got a divorce and
has joined us a couple of times at the parties/cookouts in our backyard.
She has been a real friend to me and has shared my love of Christ and
we email and have wonderful discussions of our faith. But this past weekend,
she came on to the husbands of two of my other close friends. Even to
cornering one guy in the bathroom and trying to kiss him. The wives told me
and one of the husbands confirmed that it happened. I can't be watching
everyone with over 40 people here and me hostess. The wife-friends and
the husband-friends have said that I need to talk to her about her behavior,
and I guess that it's my responsibility.
She has been my friend for more than 20 years. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I love my other friends too and they have not done anything wrong. What do I say to her, how do I bring this up when I talk to her again? :pray

In my opinion, she is an adult and should take care of it herself. If they have a problem, they need to talk to her,

If She is not respecting people wishes, then she should not be invited and making everyone miserable. What you have is someone who is not cooperating and acting immature. The thing is, you can't rely on what he said/she said.. it could be not true. you will just have to witness it yourself, so that's why I suggest those who do have a problem with her to talk to her themselves.

[NewWorldOrder]

In my opinion, she is an adult and should take care of it herself. If they have a problem, they need to talk to her,

If She is not respecting people wishes, then she should not be invited and making everyone miserable. What you have is someone who is not cooperating and acting immature. The thing is, you can't rely on what he said/she said.. it could be not true. you will just have to witness it yourself, so that's why I suggest those who do have a problem with her to talk to her themselves.


:nod

I was thinking the same thing. When she cornered these men why didn't they same something right then, until waiting to tell on her to their wives and then come to you. You aren't her mother, you're just a friend.