My 11 yr old dd is so sad

[Sparkles]

Hi ladies I just posted a similiar thread in the prayer requests.
My daughter who is 11 is so sad. She has been crying all day. She feels like no one likes her - all her friends have ganged up on her. She has placed many phone calls and no one has called her back. She told me she is jealous of her older sister beacuse she is "perfect" and has like 200 friends".
Please give me some suggestions I hate to see her so sad
thanks

[Amanda's mom]

Amanda felt like that all last year especially after her best friend moved to the other side of the country. So did DD1 and DD2 at that age. That is the age where cliques form and puberty starts to set in so hormones are raging. You might point out to her that her friends may be on vacation with their families or out with their parents or even at daycare so they may not have gotten her calls.

If her friends aren't returning her calls at all, the only thing I can suggest is to try to get her to locations where things are happening. Like here, the public library runs special programs all summer. Last year, Amanda and DD2 were in a DDR contest there, they even were featured in a newspaper article including pictures. They were able to make friends with similar interests. Another thing they may have in your area is a parks and recreation program where the children can go for daily activities in the fresh air. It's another way to get her around children her own age. Amanda also volunteered at our local no-kill animal shelter. She made a very good friend there who she could talk to and she felt useful because she was helping the animals that she loved.

[Cd4u_2]

Hi ladies I just posted a similiar thread in the prayer requests.
My daughter who is 11 is so sad. She has been crying all day. She feels like no one likes her - all her friends have ganged up on her. She has placed many phone calls and no one has called her back. She told me she is jealous of her older sister beacuse she is "perfect" and has like 200 friends".
Please give me some suggestions I hate to see her so sad
thanks

I was/still am the same way (I even have a "perfect" sister with 200 friends) -- most will ignore my messages.... but I guess that's because of bad grammars.. I am happy with my husband and son though, they are all I have. But I love my friends even if they ignore me.

:) Don't have any advice though.

[Cd4u_2]

Amanda felt like that all last year especially after her best friend moved to the other side of the country. So did DD1 and DD2 at that age. That is the age where cliques form and puberty starts to set in so hormones are raging. You might point out to her that her friends may be on vacation with their families or out with their parents or even at daycare so they may not have gotten her calls.

If her friends aren't returning her calls at all, the only thing I can suggest is to try to get her to locations where things are happening. Like here, the public library runs special programs all summer. Last year, Amanda and DD2 were in a DDR contest there, they even were featured in a newspaper article including pictures. They were able to make friends with similar interests. Another thing they may have in your area is a parks and recreation program where the children can go for daily activities in the fresh air. It's another way to get her around children her own age. Amanda also volunteered at our local no-kill animal shelter. She made a very good friend there who she could talk to and she felt useful because she was helping the animals that she loved.

That's a good idea.. people perk up to those who have adventure in their life. Sitting around the house can make you seem boring... She ought to go to a football games and things like that.

[writesinme]

She's at a tough age, one where girls can really start being cruel. When I was 11-12, I ran with this pack of girls. There were six of us and we were always ganging up on one of our own. Seriously, every six or weeks or so, someone was "odd girl out", and I did my time as that girl.

Maybe it was the drama, the power of excluding someone...I don't know, but it was mean behavior. Thankfully, it never lasted long. The outed sheep was never banned from the flock for very long. Eventually, though, everyone started going their own way, discovering new interests, making new friends, etc.

I have all boys--but have friends who have girls. From what I hear, this stuff is still going on!

I agree with everyone else--get her out and about doing things. As for her friends, all she can do is reach out to them. She's already done that, so instead of waiting around for the phone to ring, better that she be busy and occupied. She might meet new friends who she likes better and who don't play these silly social games!

[Amanda's mom]

I was/still am the same way (I even have a "perfect" sister with 200 friends) -- most will ignore my messages.... but I guess that's because of bad grammars.. I am happy with my husband and son though, they are all I have. But I love my friends even if they ignore me.

:) Don't have any advice though.
:hug

[BeNotAfraid]

This breaks my heart. It is so common. We have to do everything we can to keep our daughters' hearts, especially at this tender age, focused on their families. This is a time to build those bonds between sisters without the bad feelings caused by outside friends. So while I agree that you should keep them busy, I think you should keep them active and busy within your family, rather than socially. She is probably also jealous that other people are getting the love and attention she deserves from her big sister. Try eliminating the home phone/cell phone/texting/computer chatting/social scene for a little while (even for older sister)--not as a punishment, but as an act of family-building. Then spend time on a craft, baking, shopping, movies, out at lunch, swimming, park, exploring different places--you will all have a blast and you'll take the social pressure off of her. Good luck--I have worked a lot with girls from 9-12 and I never cease to be amazed how fast they grow up.

[Mezuzas]

Spend some mommy/daughter time with her. Play board games or something she likes to do.

[tygerkittn]

I always tell my kids, if you're sitting around moping, no one is going to ask to join you, but if you're having fun, you'll soon attract a whole crowd.
There's a short story by Ray Bradbury called "The utterly Perfect Murder" that might help put it into perspective. It's about a guy who goes back to his hometown to kill his best friend from childhood because his friend never called him first, never threw rocks at his window, he always had to be the one to reach out, then he sees his friend and he's bald and sick and alone, and he realizes his life turned out so much better that it's silly to want to kill his former friend. It shows that this sort of thing is common and it might help her.

[BlessedAssurance]

I'm right there with you! Tomorrow, DD11 is off to church camp. She does one session at Kayak camp, and another at Clay camp. She's worried about not having any friends, but she went last year and had a great time.

Something that DD and I have talked about: they are told in school to 'be themselves' and to 'not let anyone tell you to change.' Well, I'm sorry, but everyone needs to change and get better throughout their lives. DD11 as well. She's really struggling with growing up, going to middle school, being an almost teen. It's been an ugly summer so far!:ohno

I agree with previous posters. Find something she enjoys doing, and let her do them!:thumb