iwillnotstumble
July 12th, 2008, 12:20 AM
I know the title may sound absurd, but when i first became a Christian it wasn't easy (to be honest it still isn't) strangers gave me the gospel at the hometown fair outside of a psychic's trailer. And i accepted Christ as my savior i had a joy in my life that no matter what that i was in God's hands. As i went to proclaim this new found life to my friends and family (none of which were saved) i was deeply hurt by indifferance and outright rejection of me (my friends and their families helped raise me, i came from a broken home). The great joy in my life was clouded by the thought of losing my friends and family ( i became the seed surrounded by weeds) i didn't want to lose them so went back into that world.
The pain going back into and the idiotic things i did still make me shake my head. While in university it came to a boiling point where i was wanting to kill myself, i would entertain thoughts of suicide, plunging 5 stories (head first so there was no way i would survive) to my death. The Lord held me close then and memories of a time of peace and happiness in the Lord came to my mind. I knew i needed to be with him, but how and yet be with my friends. The answer came when the my father's wife cheated on him, he was devastated and hurt. And what was worse he was in another part of the country without family, what satan had done to the marriage God used for his Glory.
I always loved my father he was my idol, even though he wasn't in my life that much we still talked. He was the only one in my life who would be honest with me no matter what. It was that honesty that made me respect him. He admitted to doing alot of bad things in his life but he wanted none of it to pass on to his children. It was that honesty that allowed him to share with me the gospel (i was i would say a Christian-atheist i didn't believe in Christ) as he spoke to me about what happens after death a thought crossed my mind what if I am wrong? what if what he says is true, that i live my life as a good person and die only to find out that what he says was true. That i did need Christ as my savior that none of good works in this life count for nothing cause it wont cover my sins against God. He gave me books that started me on my journey that sparked my interest in eschatology. The left behind series. I couldn't put them down i went to amazon.com and bought all 11 books. And so through him the Lord spoke to me, and allowed me to listen to those strangers who witnessed to me.
Here i was living in Saskatchewan finding out my father and lost his marriage and wanting to be with him. So i left for Ontario. I took everything i own and drove out there not knowing what was out there, but wanting to see my father. My spirit cried out for my father in heaven more then anything that i could start anew away from all the influences in my life. Be with my father on earth and my father in heaven. And so i grew in my faith going to church reading the word (and also going to the rapture ready website ;) ) being bolder for Christ wanting to spread the gospel to those who didn't have it. Meeting strong believers, one being a mutual friend's (me and my dad's) mother, there was woman who was strong in faith who made mistakes in her life but was forgiven by the Lord. Even now when i think of her i pray that Lord be with her.
Eventually i stumbled ( :lol2 i know) onto the raptureready forums. I had been going to the website a year before hand (wanting to know more about the endtimes, yet not living a way holy and pleasing to God). I was so happy here i found mostly like minded individuals who had a passion for the lost and yet a passion for the endtimes. I felt like i was at home :) . All i had to do was start posting and before i could do that i needed to pick a name. It was very serious for me to create a name (it spoke to what conveyed in my heart) and thinking back to how i had turned away from the Lord i choose iwillnotstumble. Eventually during that time in Ontario i missed my friends and family and wanted to go back to see them. The Lord spoke to my spirit that i would suffer and hurt if i went back, but i needed to show the people i loved that Christ is for all. Even after telling my dad and Rob (our mutual friend) that they thought it was a bad idea. Rob even conveyed that i might even regret leaving (in a way he was right i miss them alot).
And so i headed back to Saskatchewan, land of the living skies (it really is amazing). Getting home everything seemed the same yet different something was off like the others around me had changed while i was gone (but i realized later it was me who did). I couldn't stop sharing the gospel to people even strangers i was determined to spread the gospel to all my friends and family hoping they would get saved. The Lord was right though coming back there was alot of hurt and suffering, i felt like an outcast among my own friends and family. I started to slip into not talking about him in order not to "offend" (the greatest joy in my life i could even share with my friends) eventually the zeal that i had faded and i began to make mistakes.
Each time that i made a mistake it made me all the more ashamed to login with the name iwillnotstumble, the devil taunting me with each error, telling me the meaning of the name is now lost. I wont lie i've made mistakes and each time i did i got more ashamed of the name then to compound it seeing a verse like We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. James 3:2 (I couldn't even control my habits let alone my body) i was wreck though i wouldn't show it. I asked the Lord for help and slowly but surely the Lord began helping me, building me up (i used to think reading the old testament why don't they learn from their mistakes it so obvious just turn to God..... i was humbled with the knowledge that made repeated mistakes).
But that name haunted me i even remember asking if i could change it, but decided not to cause i was remembered here as iwillnotstumble. The zeal that dwindled in me began to grow. I felt renewed by the Lord, refreshed and I didn't care what others thought about my relationship with Christ (he is my best friend now and forever) speaking even to co-workers at work, even having to listen to their bad mouthing my savior knowing I'm a few feet away. They make me sound like Christ is my crutch in this world, they have no idea. Knowing your friends and family look at you differently, watching your move to see if you do something not "Christian" to validate them living a life of sin. When my prayers returned to me unanswered,I went about mourning as though for my friend or brother. I bowed my head in grief as though weeping for my mother. But when I stumbled, they gathered in glee;attackers gathered against me when I was unaware.They slandered me without ceasing. Like the ungodly they maliciously mocked; they gnashed their teeth at me. Psalm 35:14-16 This is not an easy life at all, if i wanted an easy life i would join my friends and family in all they say or do, if i wanted to be like them. But how can i knowing that when i die that all pleasures and treasures of this world will mean nothing if i am burning in hell for eternity. Mock all they want in the day of judgment their deeds and thoughts will be shown for what they were and they will be without excuse. So i continue to grow in Christ, loving them but knowing ultimately they will decide their where they go.
Now the meaning of my name, i used to go to the gym with some friends but the real reason i went wasn't to show off but to have that time dedicated to the Lord (i have an mp3 player with me and listen to the entire bible on audio with dramatization :thumb). I realized that i started getting away from that and decided to go back to the gym by myself from now on. While working out and praying and listening, John 11:9 played. It hit me like a train. I burst into tears right on the spot crying thanking the Lord cause i was given a new meaning to my name.
.....A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world's light. the Lord showed me that he is that light.
The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world. John 1:9
This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.John 3:19
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."John 8:12
I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness. John 12:46
The Lord showed me I should proud to call myself iwillnotstumble.
The pain going back into and the idiotic things i did still make me shake my head. While in university it came to a boiling point where i was wanting to kill myself, i would entertain thoughts of suicide, plunging 5 stories (head first so there was no way i would survive) to my death. The Lord held me close then and memories of a time of peace and happiness in the Lord came to my mind. I knew i needed to be with him, but how and yet be with my friends. The answer came when the my father's wife cheated on him, he was devastated and hurt. And what was worse he was in another part of the country without family, what satan had done to the marriage God used for his Glory.
I always loved my father he was my idol, even though he wasn't in my life that much we still talked. He was the only one in my life who would be honest with me no matter what. It was that honesty that made me respect him. He admitted to doing alot of bad things in his life but he wanted none of it to pass on to his children. It was that honesty that allowed him to share with me the gospel (i was i would say a Christian-atheist i didn't believe in Christ) as he spoke to me about what happens after death a thought crossed my mind what if I am wrong? what if what he says is true, that i live my life as a good person and die only to find out that what he says was true. That i did need Christ as my savior that none of good works in this life count for nothing cause it wont cover my sins against God. He gave me books that started me on my journey that sparked my interest in eschatology. The left behind series. I couldn't put them down i went to amazon.com and bought all 11 books. And so through him the Lord spoke to me, and allowed me to listen to those strangers who witnessed to me.
Here i was living in Saskatchewan finding out my father and lost his marriage and wanting to be with him. So i left for Ontario. I took everything i own and drove out there not knowing what was out there, but wanting to see my father. My spirit cried out for my father in heaven more then anything that i could start anew away from all the influences in my life. Be with my father on earth and my father in heaven. And so i grew in my faith going to church reading the word (and also going to the rapture ready website ;) ) being bolder for Christ wanting to spread the gospel to those who didn't have it. Meeting strong believers, one being a mutual friend's (me and my dad's) mother, there was woman who was strong in faith who made mistakes in her life but was forgiven by the Lord. Even now when i think of her i pray that Lord be with her.
Eventually i stumbled ( :lol2 i know) onto the raptureready forums. I had been going to the website a year before hand (wanting to know more about the endtimes, yet not living a way holy and pleasing to God). I was so happy here i found mostly like minded individuals who had a passion for the lost and yet a passion for the endtimes. I felt like i was at home :) . All i had to do was start posting and before i could do that i needed to pick a name. It was very serious for me to create a name (it spoke to what conveyed in my heart) and thinking back to how i had turned away from the Lord i choose iwillnotstumble. Eventually during that time in Ontario i missed my friends and family and wanted to go back to see them. The Lord spoke to my spirit that i would suffer and hurt if i went back, but i needed to show the people i loved that Christ is for all. Even after telling my dad and Rob (our mutual friend) that they thought it was a bad idea. Rob even conveyed that i might even regret leaving (in a way he was right i miss them alot).
And so i headed back to Saskatchewan, land of the living skies (it really is amazing). Getting home everything seemed the same yet different something was off like the others around me had changed while i was gone (but i realized later it was me who did). I couldn't stop sharing the gospel to people even strangers i was determined to spread the gospel to all my friends and family hoping they would get saved. The Lord was right though coming back there was alot of hurt and suffering, i felt like an outcast among my own friends and family. I started to slip into not talking about him in order not to "offend" (the greatest joy in my life i could even share with my friends) eventually the zeal that i had faded and i began to make mistakes.
Each time that i made a mistake it made me all the more ashamed to login with the name iwillnotstumble, the devil taunting me with each error, telling me the meaning of the name is now lost. I wont lie i've made mistakes and each time i did i got more ashamed of the name then to compound it seeing a verse like We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. James 3:2 (I couldn't even control my habits let alone my body) i was wreck though i wouldn't show it. I asked the Lord for help and slowly but surely the Lord began helping me, building me up (i used to think reading the old testament why don't they learn from their mistakes it so obvious just turn to God..... i was humbled with the knowledge that made repeated mistakes).
But that name haunted me i even remember asking if i could change it, but decided not to cause i was remembered here as iwillnotstumble. The zeal that dwindled in me began to grow. I felt renewed by the Lord, refreshed and I didn't care what others thought about my relationship with Christ (he is my best friend now and forever) speaking even to co-workers at work, even having to listen to their bad mouthing my savior knowing I'm a few feet away. They make me sound like Christ is my crutch in this world, they have no idea. Knowing your friends and family look at you differently, watching your move to see if you do something not "Christian" to validate them living a life of sin. When my prayers returned to me unanswered,I went about mourning as though for my friend or brother. I bowed my head in grief as though weeping for my mother. But when I stumbled, they gathered in glee;attackers gathered against me when I was unaware.They slandered me without ceasing. Like the ungodly they maliciously mocked; they gnashed their teeth at me. Psalm 35:14-16 This is not an easy life at all, if i wanted an easy life i would join my friends and family in all they say or do, if i wanted to be like them. But how can i knowing that when i die that all pleasures and treasures of this world will mean nothing if i am burning in hell for eternity. Mock all they want in the day of judgment their deeds and thoughts will be shown for what they were and they will be without excuse. So i continue to grow in Christ, loving them but knowing ultimately they will decide their where they go.
Now the meaning of my name, i used to go to the gym with some friends but the real reason i went wasn't to show off but to have that time dedicated to the Lord (i have an mp3 player with me and listen to the entire bible on audio with dramatization :thumb). I realized that i started getting away from that and decided to go back to the gym by myself from now on. While working out and praying and listening, John 11:9 played. It hit me like a train. I burst into tears right on the spot crying thanking the Lord cause i was given a new meaning to my name.
.....A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world's light. the Lord showed me that he is that light.
The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world. John 1:9
This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.John 3:19
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."John 8:12
I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness. John 12:46
The Lord showed me I should proud to call myself iwillnotstumble.