Trouble W/ daughter

[Bethlehem57]

:gaahgaah:gaahI'm fairly new to posting here ladies; but I need a shoulder......
My daughter, who used to be my best friend, has been acting like a total horse patoot. Once every month (betcha know why!) she will get mad at me, calls her fiance to tell him what a *&)(! I am and sulks and pouts for days. BTW, she is living at home and going to college - one more year! and will be married next year.

She is so hurtful it is stressing me out big time and DH won't step in to correct her - my problem, not his...

I am on strike right now, b/c IMHO I thinks she needs to apologize and she won't. I have tried talking to her on one of these trips she's on before and it does absolutely no good.

HELP!:groan

[HSmomto4]

Well...maybe take the next year and take her through Proverbs 31. Buy the book Beautiful Girlhood and read it with her and talk about it. Until she is married, she is under your authority and really needs to be reminded of the 5th commandment...along with the consequence.

[Bethlehem57]

Thanks HSmomto4. Good reference - she has been drifting a bit since she started looking for a home church - the one we belong to isn't to her liking.

It looks like we probably (unless :rapture) won't be speaking until she reaches the age of 30 and she realizes that "Mom isn't as stupid as I though she was":doh

[firstoftwelve]

Im also betting that she's itching to be on her own, her own woman and the anticipation is making her more cranky as well. I wish I knew some wisdom or advice for you, but I dont right now...maybe just understanding her reason behind it and biting your tongue as you're able and picking battles where you can may help....:)
she will definately understand/appreciate you more as she moves on her own and moves further into womanhood and motherhood. until then preserve what you can and keep praying for her!

[His Bride]

May I give you a bit of something to consider. I have two daughters of my own, one 26 and the youngest 18. I love them fiercely and they love me but we are not best friends. We have never been best friends. Remain her mother. She will always need you even though you may have very strong disagreements. It's all part of who we are as women. My oldest and I were bitter toward each other at times. She lived at home through college, was engaged, married two weeks after graduation and now we get along wonderfully. But we still are not best friends and it's good that way. Take heart. Time and maturity have a wonderful way of healing wounds.

[firstoftwelve]

yeah, my mom and I are good friends, but it didn't happen until I moved out on my own.... now I have a much greater understanding and appreciation for her and what she's done. I get it now why the laundry wasn't ever caught up, when there were 8 kids in the house, and I can't keep up with 3!!! :) LOL

[Cd4u_2]

I could be wrong but it might be that she feels unloved , Tell her you love her and you hate to see her go. Make her feel that she is wanted. write a love note to her, without any guilt trips to her or anything negative, just heartfelt letter to let her know what a joy she was.

She knows her life is changing, and who knows, she might be afraid that your love is changing too. Just a thought. I've always felt that my mother resent me (especially with my hearing loss). So even though I love my mother and miss her terribly (she died) , I was never really close to her.

Just a thought, even though I don't know if it will help.

[Bethlehem57]

I really don't think that she feels unloved. We talk often (when she is not - excuse me for this - "PMSing"), we talk about her upcoming wedding, we go to lunch, we go shopping, we have time each week to do mom and daughter things when she's not mad at me - no she knows she is loved. There may be some competition between her and her neice - my husband and I have adopted my older daughter's child - big problems with the older one - think that's why daughter 2 might be a little resentful of this. Giving it time is best -and probably things will go back to "normal" or even better once she is married and the honeymoon phase is over. I remember when my husband and I were first married - :rolls the "I can't be without you phase" that lasted about a year - if you're lucky. lol...

I also think that she is trying to make her own decisions right now and my suggestions are best left to myself. So I will pray for the Lord to help me bite my tongue. Pray, pray, pray :pray

Thanks everyone!

[funmudder]

I had to have 5 kids and be out of my mothers home for 15 years before she and I were friends of any sort LOL

It's too bad your DH is allowing his wife to be disrespected in her own home. Doesn't matter who is doing it, you are the queen bee in this hive and he is the fellah that is supposed to defend you above all others.

[BlessedAssurance]

I really don't think that she feels unloved. We talk often (when she is not - excuse me for this - "PMSing"),

I also think that she is trying to make her own decisions right now and my suggestions are best left to myself. So I will pray for the Lord to help me bite my tongue. Pray, pray, pray :pray

Thanks everyone!

:wave I lived at home for awhile after college, but before I got my first real job. I was still under my parents' authority. And yes, I was rebellious.

BUT, you do not have to put up with verbal and emotional abuse. While she is NOT PMSing, take her out to lunch and tell her that you will no longer put up with her treating you badly. That when she lashes out she is showing disrespect. That your feelings are hurt and she is ruining your trust for her. Say this firmly, and lovingly. Tell her that this will not continue.

Tell her that soon she will be married to a man who, when it comes to sharing a house, is a complete stranger. And she won't be able to lash out because he left his socks on the floor, or didn't close the cupboard door. Tell her that she'd better start learning self-control DURING THAT TIME OF THE MONTH because that will not change.

Don't put up with her nonsense. Don't bother with consequences. If she thinks she's an adult, and ready to get married, it's time to act like one, and show others the courtesy and respect they deserve. :soapbox