opinions please!

[buggaboo]

Hello everyone,
I have been struggling with being a mom and working full time. I am a mother of 4 and My youngest child started kindergarten last year and will be going into 1st grade this year. I went back to work when she started school, and I also work at her school. It seemed like an ideal situation, working at my children's school, the same hours as them, etc. Well everything was going great until my second to the youngest was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes last fall. needless to say it was a rough time and I started missing lots of time from work. But my job was understanding for a while. It still seemed like a good situation since I would be right there in the same building if he should have problems with his sugar. But the problem was that the school nurse would come and get me every time there was a small issue, so I would get behind on my work. I felt like I was torn between my son and my job and was always feeling guilty for feeling that way.
Also,My daughter, (the youngest) was having a hard time adjusting to kindergarten. She is very sensitive and was not used to being away from home for any legnth of time. She would cry a lot in the class room and her teacher would get very frustrated with her. The school that my children attend has full day kindergarten so her day at school was very long. I had to be at work at 7:30 am and the kids' school day ended at 4:00 pm. so that is a very long day for a 5 year old. She started to adjust, but then her brother got diagnosed and she became very emotional again. Her teacher wasn't very understanding. I was always feeling guilty leaving her while she was so upset and going to work (even if it was just down the hall). She has the same teacher again this year (their school has them keep the same teacher for 2 years)
It was also very stressfull getting 4 children out of the house and to school/work by 7:30 am. everyday, and then get home around 5 and have to cook, help with home work etc. The house was always a mess, laundry was never caught up.By the time my husband got home at night I was a stressed out mess. I ended up going to the doctor and was put on antidepressants. They just seemed to take the edge off. But did not make me feel less depressed.
Now that we have been home for the summer, I feel normal again. I feel like this is where I need to be. My daughter is her happy self again, and we have gotten into a nice rutine dealing with my son's illness. I have begun to wean my self off the antidepressants and am feeling great. My house is clean, and my husband and I have been getting along better.
But school starts at their school in 3 weeks. I am afraid everything is going to start all over again. My daughter started crying yesterday when they got their class assignments in the mail. She said that she didn't want to go back to school and wants to stay home with me. It broke my heart. So I tried to talk to my husband about my staying home and maybe homeschooling our daughter. He was upset and said that there is no way we could make it without my income. He said that he needs me back at work. I believe that the Lord will provide for us if I make this decision. But my husband doesn't see how. I feel like I am hurting my family by going back to work again. He feels like I will be hurting the family if I don't go back to work. I know that if my husband wants me back at work thats where I should be. but I don't know how to make peace with this situation. Any advice would be so helpful on how to make this all work!
Sorry this is so long but I had to vent!

[Jen867]

bug-
Wow this is a really tough spot to be in. You seem to be being pulled by your husband one way and your heart the other. I really feel for you. I am sorry I don't have any expertise being in your spot.. My only advice would be to pray and give it to God. Does your husband share your faith? I guess that is a big question here. I am a BIG believer that He will provide for us if we step out and follow Him. This may be His way of trying to lead you where He wants you, home with your youngest..homeschooling her. I don't know.? You are def being pulled to be there for some reason. I would really have a long talk with your hubby if possible. You will be in my prayers.

[Betty]

all day kindergarden is too long for children. I think homeschooling would be great for you and your children. I am praying your husband will change his mind.
betty

[NewWorldOrder]

all day kindergarden is too long for children. I think homeschooling would be great for you and your children. I am praying your husband will change his mind.
betty


I agree, but I'm a homeschooler. But, FWIW, your situation makes you an ideal candidate for homeschooling, especially for the 5 year old.

I wanted to add, that the only real way to tell if you will be able to make it without your income is to do a budget analysis. It's not hard, but it does take some time. You'll need to add up all of your expenses, that includes clothes for the kids for school, school supplies, driving back and forth to work and school, etc. Then take your husband's take home pay and start subtracting. Start looking at ways you can cut back on expenses. Do you really need cable or satellite TV? How often do you eat out? etc. You would be surprised. My husband used to think we couldn't make it on one income either, till I sat down and did a budget analysis. After it was all said and done it was actually cheaper for me to stay home and homeschool because we were paying for private school, and I was working, and since I was working I needed a place to put our daughter after school so then there was daycare. Those two things alone were eating my income. It's a lot cheaper to homeschool than private school. If your kids go to public school there's a lot of hidden expenses there too. Every year you have to buy all new school supplies, we just reuse our old stuff, and only buy new when we need it, I don't have to buy brand new clothes every school year, I buy when they need it. I save on travel expenses because we're at home most of time, and you can schedule field trips that are either free or very cheap.

It's definitely something you need to pray about, and pray for a change of heart in your husband. Go over to the homeschooling forum here, and start reading the threads. We've got lots of ideas and tips on homeschooling.

[FaithContender]

I'm with NWO. Also calculate what you would be willing to sacrifice to be able to stay home. I am a SAHM in an expensive place to live, so I try to be as thrifty as possible. We have no cable (we actually got rid of our TV), we don't take vacations, we rarely go out to eat, we don't buy new clothes or shoes very often, etc but it's SO worth it to stay home with my baby boy! Your DH may look at your family spending now and not see how it could work, but if you show him what you are willing to give up, it might take a load off his back.:pray

[lisaann]

I'm with NWO. Also calculate what you would be willing to sacrifice to be able to stay home. I am a SAHM in an expensive place to live, so I try to be as thrifty as possible. We have no cable (we actually got rid of our TV), we don't take vacations, we rarely go out to eat, we don't buy new clothes or shoes very often, etc but it's SO worth it to stay home with my baby boy! Your DH may look at your family spending now and not see how it could work, but if you show him what you are willing to give up, it might take a load off his back.:pray

:thumb I agree. Put it in writing and show him how it can be worked out.

[Lisa in OK]

:thumb I agree. Put it in writing and show him how it can be worked out.

I agree that you should write out all the finances and see where you can make changes so that staying home will be a viable option.

One thing that helps me is to look at which path has the quickest route back to the "highway". What I mean is, if your husband still balks after you have lined it all out on paper (in my situation, sometimes my husband takes a bit to come around) don't give up the work opportunity because you can always quit the job at a later date.

On the other hand, if you give up the job and it turns out you can't make it without that income, you have to find another job, quick-like, which is yet another stress producing situation.

[buggaboo]

Thank you all for your oppinions and prayers! I prayed about this last night and asked The Lord to help my husband understand that this would be the best thing for everyone. I haven't talked to him yet. He came home very tierd today, so the last thing I wanted was to talk to him about me staying home. My husband is a born again Christian, but He just doesn't think that women should stay home after the kids are school age. He always says things like "well if I was rich, it wouldn't be a problem!" He also said that he would have to get a second job if I stop working. So I think I will take everyone's advice here and write down all of our expenses before I talk with him about it. Keep us in prayer, and Hopefully I can show him that it will work!:pray

[mom211]

You didn't say exactly what you do at the school, but I'm wondering if you could go part-time on an evening shift somewhere else if you can't quit completely. That way you could still homeschool, bring in some money, and not pay a ton in childcare expenses if your dh takes care of the children in the evening.

[Lynn]

Buggaboo, you have been given excellent advice by everyone. You say that your dh is a Christian, then he must know that it is his responsibility to support his family financially. With four children and a home to care for, you already have a full-time job without taking on the extra responsibility of an out-of-the home job, too.

With all the computers used in various occupations now, there are even jobs that can be done part-time at home (medical billing, for one) I would look into the local community education center in your area and see if there is a short training curriculum for something of this nature. That way, you could add to the income and still home school your daughter, if you choose. I strongly recommend that you do this, since she is wanting to be home with you. Nothing wrong with that. In a few years, when she's a teen ager, you'll be glad that she wants to be with you. An additional bit of information: Home schoolers generally perform extremely well on the standardized tests that are given. In most cases, home school education is an advantage for the entire family. Check out the 'Home School' thread here at RR and see what those moms are saying. :)