David slayed Goliath?

[Shelly Rogers]

My son has been bullied by the same bunch of kids since the 9th grade, and he is now in the 11th grade. He was jumped by two kids on Monday, ditched school yesterday, and suspended today. These boys have been suspended for bullying and attempting to extort money from my son before. The school has been notified and he was still being tormented. I prayed about this all day yesterday and even researched what James Dobson (Focus on the Family) had to say about this. I felt a little guilty for advising my son to settle the score once and for all. This has so been an awful thing for my son. He became introverted, his grades sliding, depressed, and ditching school was the last straw. When I confessed to my mother, I said what would Jesus do? Then she commented reminding me of when David slayed Goliath. My son was afraid, but today he is no longer afraid. The first words out of the principal's mouth was, "You have a nice kid". Then she reduced his 3 day suspension to 1 day. He goes back tomorrow. I feel badly that this problem was addressed physically. Does anyone have any advice?

[House of Light]

((Shelley))....going thru the same thing with two of my sons. We are known in our small community for being Christians.....and the torment at school starts there. My 6th grader was teased by two girls( he is a boy) for the past four weeks at school. We would tell him to just walk away. They would just follow him. They would tease him about everything....call him names....and take the Lord name in vain outload every time they walked past him. The school did NOTHING. So, last Friday, as they taunted him on the playground, he pushed them both to the ground and told them to knock it off. He was taken to the principals office, and lost recesses for three days. AND he had to write THEM an apology letter. DH called the principal, and asked her how much a kid had to "take". As an adult, I would have snapped long before my son did. I don't condone violence, but yes, sometimes David does have to slay Goliath.

My third grader has been bullied by a 7th grader this year. (We have our kids in Tae Kwon Do) Finally this 7th grader asks my 3rd grader to fight. This time my son nailed him with a roundhouse kick, and the kid promptly said, "I guess I don't want to fight you." He hasn't bothered my ds since.

When the schools do nothing....we can't expect our kids to be taunted, teased and ridiculed everyday. I mean, in this kind of environment, can anyone possibly learn anything, or concentrate on studies?

[Shelly Rogers]

I was having a very difficult time advising my son to fight. I just could not find many alternatives. My son was suffering. I was really surprised, when I walked in to the principal's office with my dukes up, that everyone was very supportive of the position that my son and I took. School is difficult. I would never wish to advise my son to do something that is contrary to our christian values. My son turned his cheek many times, he is a good boy. I couldn't help but feel that he did the right thing. Especially when I think about how many other possible victims there might be.

[ChristianGal]

Oh gosh, reading this reminds me of when my son was young. He's now 21, but he was bullied a lot when he was young and middle school is the worst. And, girls are the worst because they know the boy can't fight back.

I remember my next door neighbor's oldest daughter (who was 9 months older than my son) came to my door one day because my son and hit her younger son. I felt terrible, but I admitted that I told him to go ahead and fight back. She was livid, but once I explained what her daughter had been doing (and getting others to do), she did take steps to stop it and today my son and her kids are like brother and sister. But then, she is a Christian woman.

It also makes me so mad that the schools penalize the "good boy" but the bad ones seem to get away with it.

I put my son in Karate classes and later he became a competition dancer and gymnast. The dance side caused some teasing by the boys until they met the girls he danced with and then it all changed. Today he has many friends, both boys and girls.

I know how hard this is and there is no one right answer, but I decided that hitting back was okay. I used to tell my son to try to talk his way out of it with bravado (like, don't do that again or I'm gonna hurt you) and we practiced him saying this because he had to learn to say like he believed it. Well, that went so well that it often worked. He only got into a couple of fights and when he was about 13 he fractured his finger beating the stuffins out of one of the neighborhood bullies. The bully had 2 black eyes and a bloody nose and my son said it was all completely worth it. That really helped turn the corner for him.

I will also say that getting your children involved in some activity where they excel really works wonders for their self-confidence. My son was a national winner in many national dance competitions and I can't tell you how much this helped his self-esteem.

My heart breaks for your children and for you. Good luck to you and praying for you and your family

[GreenEyedLady]

sometimes all it takes is one good swift punch to get them to leave you alone.
that is all it took for me. I will advise my children to do the same.
Just because we are Christians does not mean we can't fight back. There is only so much a kid can take.
I am glad that it worked out. I would get him into some self defece classes. They help a lot with confidence.

[prairiedog]

Thank God there are parents out there who do not give the advice my parents gave me about dealing with bullies:

"Just ignore them and they will leave you alone.":rolleyes:ohno

It doesn't work in school & it doesn't work on the global stage.

[ZeldaCA]

In our parents' era, standing up for yourself was good advice because fists would only be met with other fists. In these days of kids bringing guns and other weapons to school, I would not tell my son to fight back to chronic bullies.

I would move him to another school if the school refuses to EXPEL these students for physically attacking others, plus extorting money, and I say that as an ex-public school teacher. School adminstrators are afraid of their own shadows these days. And what good does a three-day suspension do? I'm sure all these boys did was stay home, watch TV and text each other about how they're going to get your son for telling on them. They are not being held truly accountable for their actions. I'd get my kid out of their way if it was me. Why should he have his junior and senior year of high school marred by something like this?

[ArchWarrior]

I know this won't be taken as a very christian approach but honestly the best thing you can tell them is to fight back. I was involved in a bullying situation for 6 years and my parents would never let me fight back. I was the one who always had to walk away. That one situation really affected my life and built up so much anger and hatred that even 15 years later I still have issues with it. Whether or not one good fight would have solved it...i'll never know but I do know that not fighting back caused more problems.