Married women, single friends.

[humblebleu]

A little background. I was married once in the past. I was saved however my wife was not. It was very early in my walk. She hung out with a group of friends that were single and seemingly un-godly. I always had a bad feeling about that group but didn't want to seem possessive so I usually kept it to myself. Well eventually my wife cheated on me with another woman and we divorced. There is a lot more to the story but that is the short version. :ohno

Fast forward a few years to this week. I am engaged to a good woman that was raised in a Christian family and her Dad is a pastor. The family is great and she seems very genuine about her walk with Christ. (I say she "Seems" because I cannot know her heart.) She hangs out with some single women that she works with. I do not know them but my paranoia has started. Do you guys think there is a problem with married Christian women hanging out with single women? Am I just dwelling on the past? Am I being possessive? I need some feedback because this has been on my mind.

Our wedding is a month away and I have chalked this up to being nervous about the commitment and opening myself up to being taken advantage of again. What do you GUYS think?:hat

[Tall Timbers]

I would say it would be normal for her to have single women friends. Especially since she is single right now. After you get married, both your lives will change. She may still want to remain friends with those she has currently. Are they Christians as well?

[Sing4Him]

you have doubt?

[Wally]

Have you sat down and discussed this with your future beloved?

The friendships can be important for many reasons, she may have a ministry to them, they may be an encouragement to her. The Important thing is are her friends sold out to Jesus?

All of the people in our lives influence us. What we need are good Godly influences. Hopefully you and your beloved are focused on Jesus and His will for your lives. Being a pastor's daughter, being a good church member, having "good friends" isn't enough. But if you are both focused on folllowing Jesus, if you have a Relationship With Him, therein lies the strength and the blessing.

[Freedbychrist]

I think, for a woman, having single male friends outside of marriage is one thing, but having single female friends is quite another. I'm sorry that you got burned in the past, but there is no reason to pre-emptively try to sever your future wife's friendships - she could end up resenting you for this, and you will come off as a control freak. That being said, since your future wife is saved, are her friends? I echo what others have said in that, if they are not, then this is what you need to bring to her attention. Perhaps she is a positive Christian figure in their lives?

Also, maybe you can tag along with her to lunch with these ladies someday soon. Getting to know them may ease your worries.

[humblebleu]

you have doubt?

Sing4Him...elaborate please. :scratch

[Daniel1210]

humblebleu,

Do you have single male friends? Does she think that's a concern? If she did, would you consider her to be a control freak?

[No2Flesh]

The value of my advice often equals its cost...


As you implied you may be doing, be careful not to bring the baggage of the past into this relationship. Thats not fair to her as she is innocent and this is probably a worry you have that will never happen again.

I would discuss your fears with her, in a kind way to see if she is able to offer any reassurance.

"Do you guys think there is a problem with married Christian women hanging out with single women? "

I would certainly "prefer" that not to be the case with my wife.
However, it would depend somewhat on their character and my wifes motives.
If she is influencing them, good.

If its the other way around thats not so good.

Selfish as I am I also wouldnt want to be competing
with them OFTEN for her time or company.

She shouldnt like it either if the situation were reversed.

An occasional thing I would be concerned much less with.

You only have a few weeks to decide if you really trust this woman.
If you do trust her then commit to that without 2nd guessing yourself or her, if you dont I would at least postpone the big day.

PS: Expect every fear imaginable to well up as the wedding approaches.
Talk to her about yours and hers, being careful not to let it degrade into an argument.
My guess is that her mind is working overtime with worries too right now.

It might be a good time for some one on one/undivided attention
to help relieve both your fears, in a quiet romantic setting.

Now, I realize I havent said anything you havent already thought of, but let me leave you with this:

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I would think on that, and even print it and leave it somewhere she can find it as the big day approaches.

[humblebleu]

I guess you all told me what I hoped you would tell me. I am not justified in feeling like this and need to be in prayer about it just to lift the insecurity. I don't want to punish her because of my ex-wifes mistakes. Thanks for the advice.

[Sunny]

So sorry to hear about your pain and fears. I often think I will never be fit for being a wife because I don't know how I could ever trust again, so I know where you are coming from.

However, just to add my 2 cents in a little late... It is perfectly normal for a woman, married or single, to have single same-sex friends. I have both single and married friends, and this question has never come up in conversations in my experience.

But this will be a problem and you need to discuss it with your fiance. She'd got to be aware that it is a huge fear for you and you two need to figure out how you are going to deal with it together. It would not be right for you to prevent her from having friendships with single women, that's just too much to ask. Single men, yes maybe, but not single women. Yet you honestly have horrible things you are dealing with.

If you can't communicate about them and both of you feel absolutely safe, you are not ready for this marriage. You need to get to that place before you proceed.

My prayer is that you will both be able to work this through. Both of you get on your knees before the Lord, together, and enter into serious, yet loving conversation about it.

May God bless your relationship.