frustrated

[Lisababy]

I'm feeling very frustrated these past couple days. I may be overreacting to a situation that arose this weekend or maybe not, but i need to vent and feel free to tell me i'm overreacting if you think i am. I'm not sure where to stand on this issue i have.

I had a problem with my electric bill this past week, i had a huge bill and basically our electricity got cut off. i'm a single mom who has been struggling really bad with my bills lately. well i was talking to my mom about it, i knew she didn't have the money to help me, but i was just talking to her, venting, crying, and leaning on her for some emotional support. Well, she told me that she had talked to my older sister about my problem and that she had offered to help me but i needed to ask her first. I have never asked my sister for money. She is a stay at home mom and her husband has a great job, they are not suffering for money at all, but i always felt uncomfortable asking her for money so i never have gone to her for help. So I hemmed and hawed and searched for help everywhere else i could and then realized i had to call her for help. she told me would help but that she wanted to have a "heart to heart" talk with me. ???? :scratch ooooo kkkkkkkk

So, she sits me down this past saturday and proceeds to give me this guilt trip/lecture. She starts off by saying that she doesn't understand why i can't pay my bills, she tells me that it's rude and inconsiderate to come to her and ask for her help. She also says that she is reluctantly giving me the money but that i am to understand that i am never to ask for her help again. (but she offered it to start with??) She also tells me that i need to get off my butt and do whatever it takes to pay the bills even if it means that i'm working 3 jobs and having someone else watch my children.

of course i'm sitting there crying because i'm so ashamed to even ask her for her help that it kills me to do this. She sees me crying and says "i'm glad this is uncomfortable for you, you have had things too easy, you need to feel bad about this." I tried to explain to her what it felt like to walk in my shoes, i'm a single mom raising two kids with a lousy father who doesn't hardly help beyond what he's "required" to do and that i have to choose between two evils here, suffer on my one income and try to spend time with my children raising them as I'm supposed to do, or work 3 jobs and have someone else raise my children. either way i'll be condemned as someone who's not doing their part, either not raising my kids or not paying my bills. She said she didn't care, if it took working 3 jobs, then i needed to get off my a** and do it, stop being lazy.

She didn't understand, she's never walked in my shoes, she doesn't have to work and doesn't know the anguish of having to send your child to someone else's house to be raised while you work 80 hours a week trying to keep your bills paid. She's never had to see her child screaming at the door of the sitter's crying for you to just stay home this one day so you can play with them. She's never driven to work crying because you feel like you are cheating your children of the time with you that they deserve. I almost feel like refusing her help because i feel so guilty for asking her, but in the same breath i know that i can't give her the money back because i need it so bad right now. I just feel sad because i know that she looks down on me for the situation i'm in, we've had problems in the past and we have never been close, she's up high on the income ladder and i'm past the basement, she's never really had to want for anything and i've had to work my tail off for everything. I may be overreacting but my feelings are just so hurt. She's been staying at my parent's house this week for a visit, she's from NC and i've also had to stay there with my kids b/c we have no power!! i just feel like she's looking at me as an inconvenience to her spending time with my parents, almost like i'm encroaching upon "her time", how dare i do that with all my problems....

I'm embarrassed about my situation, ashamed that i had to go to her and ask for help and i feel like her "heart to heart" was only an opportunity for her to pour salt in the wound, get a few jabs in to make me feel worse. She can call it tough love if she wants to but i just call it sadistic. I hate feeling like this, i love my sister and i don't want to have these ill feelings towards her, but i also don't need to be pounded into the ground when i'm already feeling this low. please pray for me right now, that i would find a way to put these ill feelings out of my head and my heart and be able to love my sister fully and forgive her of the nasty words that were spoken this weekend. please give me your input on this if you wish too, i don't want to seem ungrateful for her help, i know i need to bite my tongue and take her lecture because she is helping me out a great deal, but i can't help but feel angry about what she said.

[Ruby]

Praying!

[LookingUplinda]

Very sorry for you, I would pray for your sister's understanding, I don't think she could understand what it's like, try not to blame her, but if you rarely ask for help, it is not very godly of her to not want to help, times are tough. Get it out and try to just be thankful, it may take some time, but let it go, move past it dear, I know it's not easy, but it's best for both of you.

[Jacksmom]

i am similar to your sister in that i am better off than my sisters i guess, i have 5 sisters & and 4 of them have asked me to borrow money, i give it if i can, i have never lectured at all to me if they need it i give it cheerfully like i would for charity i also always give expecting it to be a gift to my sister that why if they do not pay it back i will not have hard feelings about it...praying for you

[Lisa in OK]

I had a problem with my electric bill this past week, i had a huge bill and basically our electricity got cut off. i'm a single mom who has been struggling really bad with my bills lately. well i was talking to my mom about it, i knew she didn't have the money to help me, but i was just talking to her, venting, crying, and leaning on her for some emotional support. Well, she told me that she had talked to my older sister about my problem and that she had offered to help me but i needed to ask her first. I have never asked my sister for money. She is a stay at home mom and her husband has a great job, they are not suffering for money at all, but i always felt uncomfortable asking her for money so i never have gone to her for help. So I hemmed and hawed and searched for help everywhere else i could and then realized i had to call her for help. she told me would help but that she wanted to have a "heart to heart" talk with me. ???? :scratch ooooo kkkkkkkk

So, she sits me down this past saturday and proceeds to give me this guilt trip/lecture. She starts off by saying that she doesn't understand why i can't pay my bills, she tells me that it's rude and inconsiderate to come to her and ask for her help. She also says that she is reluctantly giving me the money but that i am to understand that i am never to ask for her help again. (but she offered it to start with??) She also tells me that i need to get off my butt and do whatever it takes to pay the bills even if it means that i'm working 3 jobs and having someone else watch my children.

of course i'm sitting there crying because i'm so ashamed to even ask her for her help that it kills me to do this. She sees me crying and says "i'm glad this is uncomfortable for you, you have had things too easy, you need to feel bad about this." I tried to explain to her what it felt like to walk in my shoes, i'm a single mom raising two kids with a lousy father who doesn't hardly help beyond what he's "required" to do and that i have to choose between two evils here, suffer on my one income and try to spend time with my children raising them as I'm supposed to do, or work 3 jobs and have someone else raise my children. either way i'll be condemned as someone who's not doing their part, either not raising my kids or not paying my bills. She said she didn't care, if it took working 3 jobs, then i needed to get off my a** and do it, stop being lazy.

She didn't understand, she's never walked in my shoes, she doesn't have to work and doesn't know the anguish of having to send your child to someone else's house to be raised while you work 80 hours a week trying to keep your bills paid. She's never had to see her child screaming at the door of the sitter's crying for you to just stay home this one day so you can play with them. She's never driven to work crying because you feel like you are cheating your children of the time with you that they deserve. I almost feel like refusing her help because i feel so guilty for asking her, but in the same breath i know that i can't give her the money back because i need it so bad right now. I just feel sad because i know that she looks down on me for the situation i'm in, we've had problems in the past and we have never been close, she's up high on the income ladder and i'm past the basement, she's never really had to want for anything and i've had to work my tail off for everything. I may be overreacting but my feelings are just so hurt. She's been staying at my parent's house this week for a visit, she's from NC and i've also had to stay there with my kids b/c we have no power!! i just feel like she's looking at me as an inconvenience to her spending time with my parents, almost like i'm encroaching upon "her time", how dare i do that with all my problems....

I'm embarrassed about my situation, ashamed that i had to go to her and ask for help and i feel like her "heart to heart" was only an opportunity for her to pour salt in the wound, get a few jabs in to make me feel worse. She can call it tough love if she wants to but i just call it sadistic. I hate feeling like this, i love my sister and i don't want to have these ill feelings towards her, but i also don't need to be pounded into the ground when i'm already feeling this low. please pray for me right now, that i would find a way to put these ill feelings out of my head and my heart and be able to love my sister fully and forgive her of the nasty words that were spoken this weekend. please give me your input on this if you wish too, i don't want to seem ungrateful for her help, i know i need to bite my tongue and take her lecture because she is helping me out a great deal, but i can't help but feel angry about what she said.

Sounds to me like you were ambushed. I know what that is like and I'm sorry to hear that your family did this to you. :pray

[Seemomgonuts]

Girlfriend, I am mad on your behalf. I was once a single Mom too.....and believe me- my electricity, phone, and cable had been shut off once or twice. I recieved NO child support. I was so alone, and needed help. It wasn't that my family would have minded my asking, but I had too much pride, which I now regret- I applaud you for setting aside your pride and asking for help. If you need something, and you ask someone for help, they should realize that you are embarrassed. No one wants to admit that they just can't make it. Shame on her for making you feel bad. You can only do so much with what you are given. Lucky her that she gets to stay home while you work, lucky her that she can spend all the time she wants with her kids- YOU ARE NOT LAZY. Costs are rising, for all of us. She had no right to be smug with you. :tsk


I will pray for your situation. Been there, and I know it isn't any fun. I would help you if I had it, but you have my prayers, and my support. :hug

[NewWorldOrder]

Your sister sinned by gloating the way she did. She wouldn't give/lend you the money until she had a heart to heart talk with you, that's deceptive. It sounds to me like she's being self-righteous, and in her eyes she's doing you a favor by loaning you the money. First, we aren't to loan others money. If she had it to give to you, then she should have simply given you the money you needed and left it alone. The only time I refuse to give money to a relative who needs it, is when they have a habit of "needing". I don't give often, but if it's someone I know, and I know them well enough to know that it's not something they would normally do, I just give them the money, and I don't ask for it back. Someday your sister may be in your shoes, or a similar situation where she'll need money, and how she treated you will come back to haunt her. She needs a change of heart.

I'm sorry she made you feel the way she did. :hug I'm not a single mom, and I also do not work. I'm a SAHM, but I also know that anything could happen that could cause me to have to have to go back work to support my family. I've been in your shoes, and I was married. This will pass, sweety.

[Lisababy]

thanks ladies, i felt really bad about what happened between my sister and i. I decided last night that even though our electricity had not been turned back on yet that my kids and i were going to spend the night at our own house. I just couldn't take the cramped feeling at my mother's house and needed some alone time to get my head clear. The kids and i had so much fun playing board games by candlelight, they thought we were "camping out"! And even though i had to take a cold (very cold) shower this morning, it didn't matter because i had a chance to just be with my kids and not worry about what anyone else thought.

My sister is going home today and hopefully the electricity will be turned back on tonight, i'm calling the power company this morning to pay the bill. i will just be glad once this little fiasco is over and i can start trying to manage the bills better. One thing i have noticed about my children is that not alot fazes them, we always find ways to smile even when we feel like crying. I have such great kids and i'm so thankful for them. you ladies are the best too! :hug

[jadeeyes]

Some 2 income families are struggling to make ends meet. It's very uncomfortable to humble yourself and ask for help the way you did. I'm very sorry that your sister chose not to match your humble attitude, but decided to behave pridefully and lord it over you. Apparently, your sister doesn't realize that all she and her husband have gained over the years could be destroyed in the blink of an eye. She might someday find herself in the position of needing to ask someone for help. Maybe she thinks you made poor decisions in the past that caused you to be in this position. If that's what she thinks, she needs to realize that none of us can undo our past mistakes. All we can do is repent and try, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to do better in the future. If you were my sister, I would have recognized the fact that you humbled yourself and that, along with the financial help, you needed a little TLC and a big hug. :bighug

[Lisababy]

Some 2 income families are struggling to make ends meet. It's very uncomfortable to humble yourself and ask for help the way you did. I'm very sorry that your sister chose not to match your humble attitude, but decided to behave pridefully and lord it over you. Apparently, your sister doesn't realize that all she and her husband have gained over the years could be destroyed in the blink of an eye. She might someday find herself in the position of needing to ask someone for help. Maybe she thinks you made poor decisions in the past that caused you to be in this position. If that's what she thinks, she needs to realize that none of us can undo our past mistakes. All we can do is repent and try, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to do better in the future. If you were my sister, I would have recognized the fact that you humbled yourself and that, along with the financial help, you needed a little TLC and a big hug. :bighug

thanks jadeeyes, i really did need a big hug from her, all i got was a sympathy pat on the shoulder. I'm trying not to harbor resentful feelings towards her, i love her and i know she loves me too, but sometimes it's hard to not have those resentful feelings when you feel you've been wronged or not understood.

She's not a christian either, she claims to be agnostic which i think means that she acknowledges a higher power but won't give a specific name to it. Which to me is almost more dangerous than being an atheist. At least atheists refuse to acknowledge a higher power, agnostics acknowledge it and still refuse it. i think i need to start praying for her more, that's something that i haven't done alot of lately.

good news edit: i will have my power back on by 8:00pm today!!! :yeah