Men only please- let's talk about porn

[Tres Wright]

Hey guys, I was reading Ron Graham's "When Our Walk Fails" article here on RR and the following quote jumped out at me:

"It’s been said that one out of every two Christians view pornography on a daily basis."

I think one of the reasons it caught my attention is because I was listening to a sermon by Chuck Swindoll a few days ago and he described a Christian Conference in which he was a speaker, he said that when he was checking out he had a discussion with the hotel manager who told him that the hotel sold more pay-per-view porn that weekend then in any other weekend in their history. Obviously this is a serious problem with a lot of us. I think the biggest part of this problem is too many of us think viewing porn isn't a sin. I think we know deep inside that it is, but we explain it away using questionable arguments such as "I'm not actually looking at a woman, really I'm just looking at an old image on a computer screen, what harm is that?" Or "I'm traveling and this is an excellent way to stay faithful to my wife because I'm not actually "with" another woman". I used to make these very arguments to myself, and my problem was compounded by the fact that my wife didn't care if I looked at porn or not because she knew I was "faithful" (that's in quotes because now I feel that viewing of porn is a way of not being faithful) to her. Heck, she even bought me a subscription to Playboy many years ago. But really I knew deep inside all along it was wrong, and listening to sermons over the years I finally realized it was time to get that albatross from around my neck. So I eliminated it from my life, and I don't miss it. I wish I could say something really inspiring, like it has greatly improved my relationship with my wife, but I can't say that is has. But I do feel better about myself and my walk with Christ. I also feel better knowing my kids won't discover something in the house or on the computer that might be difficult to explain :) I'm sure that this is a struggle for many people who may be to the point of being addicted to it and maybe this thread can serve as a place for active discussion of our internal battle with this particular demon. If any of you disagree and truly do think that viewing of porn isn't a sin then it would be interesting to read active discussion of varying views on this as well. Or if you have a testimony about how you exorcized this demon from your life that would be great to hear too :)

1 Peter 3: Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

[A MAttR of Time]

With all of the sex in advertising and on TV, and what lots of women wear these days, I know it is a strong temptation for alot of men, including myself at times. I too have turned my back on it, but only with the strength from up above.

[Paradigm]

Well I said this in the other thread, but I'll post it here also (and with greater detail :) ).

Yes I believe porn is a sin. Why? For several reasons:

1. I've been researching a lot about how human relationships work. Apparently, God designed it so that when a man and a woman have relations, certain chemicals are released (such as Oxytocin and Dopamine) that trigger a sense of "closeness and joining". Obviously this was created like this on purpose by God to strengthen a marriage.

So when a man watches porn, he is basically becoming "attached" to that image. This is definitely NOT a healthy thing.

2. The porn industry is a horrible place. None of those women enjoy what they are doing (I'm positive the ones that say they do LIE) and I doubt the men enjoy it either. The state of degradation of what keeps coming out is definitely a product of severe demonic possession and control. No normal human being can find ANYTHING arousing out of some of the stuff that is out there. By watching this stuff you are actively supporting this awful industry.

3. This one kind of deals with #1 but in a different way. Porn has a tendency to ruin your marriage (if you are married) or destroy your chance to FIND a happy marriage (if you are single). Why?? Because your mind is now used to what you see on your screen. Completely unrealistic women (with thousands of dollars worth of cosmetic surgeries, etc), and in worse cases, the man is used to only be aroused at degrading acts that he could never find with his wife.

So anyway, I don't want to dwell too much on the what, but I rather dwell on the "how do we solve this?"

Married men that are caught in this have it potentially easier, but only if they make a serious effort with the help of Jesus.

I personally am annoyed at those married men that fall into this pit. There is no excuse if you have a loving wife who is willing to be intimate with you that you had to fall into this sin.

Single men have it the toughest I think. We are constantly bombarded with images (just walk downtown any summer day, or turn on your TV for more than 2 minutes). Apparently the "fashion" of today for women is to show as much skin as possible, and what you can't directly show, "indirectly" show it with very thin, tight materials. This is the "strut your stuff and shake what you got" mentality.

I don't think it's enough to say "Put this on the Lord" and expect him to "magically" make us into Eunuchs. There has to be a plan of action.

Jesus himself said "some were born eunuchs and some were forced into being eunuchs".
Paul had to say on the matter as well: "It is better not to marry, but if you can't contain yourself, them marry as this is better for you than burning in your passion"

What that says to me is that, for us single men, we HAVE to consider marriage if we can't contain ourselves. We can do all the praying, and we can do all the "accountability" stuff, and we can even try to cut out all sources of images, like the TV and Internet, but we'll still end up in the same place that we started.

[Surafel]

I am ashamed to admit that...I have had a problem with pornography, I thought I could keep it under control and look at it only once in a while until I realized that I couldnt stay away from it, it kept beckoning me closer. The thing with porn is that, it appeals to our sexual desires and we cant just simply do away with it, By ourselves that is...Anyways, I found that if I visit Christian websites and Rapture Ready especially, in fact, Ive made RR my homepage! :thumb It gives me a little more strength to fight off these sinful desires and I'd be much less tempted to visit sites that advertise sin and ungodly behavior. Also Ive asked Jesus to turn my mind and heart towards him many times, but its still hard. Maybe I'm not being sincere enough to him?

[Paradigm]

Also Ive asked Jesus to turn my mind and heart towards him many times, but its still hard. Maybe I'm not being sincere enough to him?

I don't think it's a matter of sincerity. Every christian man has struggled with this sin, it's not just you. Just look at the original post, "1 out of every 2 christian guys watch porn on a regular basis".

I believe that number. It's one of the easiest things to get a man with because we're already wired for it.

Are you single or married?

[BrnAgn]

"Married men that are caught in this have it potentially easier, but only if they make a serious effort with the help of Jesus.
:ohno

I personally am annoyed at those married men that fall into this pit. There is no excuse if you have a loving wife who is willing to be intimate with you that you had to fall into this sin."


Well i would have to say that a married man with a basically sexless marriage has it worse in that he has no option to get "married" and he sees more sexual stimuli at home whether he likes it or not. Not advocating it, porn becomes his sexual intimacy he is lacking in his marriage.

[disciplefogod]

I too, struggle with this sin. It's not easy, and can be vary hard at times especially when you are home alone or it's late at night and you're the only one that's up. I personally find alot of help though doing this 60 Day course at http://settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

They'll give you a mentor and each lesson is about 30 minutes averaged daily. It is completely full 100% of Godly truths based right out of the bible with clear interpretation. I've also found it easy to have accountability partners and to put a Filter on my web browser I use (I use firefox and I use the Addon called FoxFilter for it, and I just block Internet Explorer out all together.)

Hope I helped some people out, those things listed above including daily word reading and praying will exceedingly help you out in the sin that most to all men have to deal witrh on a daily basis.



"Married men that are caught in this have it potentially easier, but only if they make a serious effort with the help of Jesus.
:ohno

I personally am annoyed at those married men that fall into this pit. There is no excuse if you have a loving wife who is willing to be intimate with you that you had to fall into this sin."


Well i would have to say that a married man with a basically sexless marriage has it worse in that he has no option to get "married" and he sees more sexual stimuli at home whether he likes it or not. Not advocating it, porn becomes his sexual intimacy he is lacking in his marriage.

I'm 16 years old so I don't know too much about this, but wouldn't that become a problem that the Husband should talk over with his spouse?

[Paradigm]

^^^ Ok and what's the reason the married guy is in a sexless marriage?

I don't want to put the blame squarely on the man, but at the very least he should try to analyse why this is happening.

[Paradigm]

I too, struggle with this sin. It's not easy, and can be vary hard at times especially when you are home alone or it's late at night and you're the only one that's up. I personally find alot of help though doing this 60 Day course at http://settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

Just checked out the site. It seems that these men that struggled with pornography are happily married.

I need to see man who is single and 100% free of this. I'm not sure I can believe it, unless Jesus gave him the gift of celibacy.

[Jaybird74]

I need to see man who is single and 100% free of this. I'm not sure I can believe it, unless Jesus gave him the gift of celibacy.

I've always been single. I'm 34 years young - and porn isn't the stumbling block for me like it is for other men. Granted I have my own nasty struggles and thorns in the flesh, so don't think that I don't war with the flesh on a daily basis because I do. I guess it's because I have an extreme sensitivity to things related to sex so that I'm easily shamed in that fashion. It's just the way GOD made me.

But what I bolded above - as a single guy I've asked GOD to take away my sex drive so that I wouldn't be driven to porn and sexual immorality - because HE gave me the drive that HE gives all men - but I was convinced and convicted that unless I asked GOD for the gift of celibacy/reduced sex drive, it would be a struggle. And guess what? HE gave me what I asked. Granted, at times I think it's weird that I don't even think about the subject - and there are those voices telling me that I'm missing out on that aspect of my life. Plus living the L.A. area - and you're CONSTANTLY bombarded with things related to lusts of the eyes - that's one of the reasons that I was driven to ask for such an "extreme" request - and I said "extreme" because it would seem an odd request to some. I am not saying that thoughts don't come up in my head, because they do. But I realize what they are, I ask the LORD to help get those thoughts out of my head, and I start focusing on things that are spiritually/Biblicaly based. You start thinking of Scripture and I guarantee you'll quit thinking in a sensual fashion.

As men, we need to CONSTANTLY keep ourselves in check on a DAILY BASIS. DO NOT let up - because once you think you have it under control, it will sneak up on you when you least expect it. The problem is that we as Christian men don't hold each other up to a higher standard - especially in regards to struggles with porn. There's a lot of shame and secrecy associated with those who struggle with it - and it seems like a HUGE taboo among Christian men if someone were to speak up and admit his struggle with it. I'm thinking there's only one bigger TABOO for a Christian man is to speak up about, but that's another subject altogether.

Think about it this way - what if that woman was a family member - or a close friend and guys were talking about her in that fashion? Or thinking about her in that way? I seriously doubt you'd tolerate it. Because I will tell you - when you view that sort of subject material - you're looking at someone's daughter, or someone's granddaughter. Thinking about it that way makes it much more sobering, right?

Anyway, we Christian men need to network - start supporting each other spiritually - and in prayer. If you hear guys talking filthy - especially in regards to women, smut, etc. - SPEAK UP!! Defend your beliefs. Don't wimp out. Even if it's amongst your best guy friends. Yeah, they may ridicule and poke fun - and yes you may lose some who you thought were friends. But at least you're standing up for your morals and your principles. You're standing up for the proper view and treatment of all women. And while they would never admit it to your face, your opponents will ultimately respect you for standing your ground.

I have a few married friends and I know that the issue of porn is something that has almost created divorce in their lives. Porn is MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL POISON. It's just like booze to an alcoholic. It will ruin your mind, wreck your Christian walk, and ultimately will leave you miserable and alone. Because NO WOMAN worth her salt will stick around with a guy who is addicted to porn. If you're in a sexless marriage - confront your wife, talk about why, and work it out TOGETHER. Don't cop out on the relationship. BE A MAN and take responsibility for your life, your wife's happiness and your role as head of the household.

View porn as what it is - FILTH. It once was considered taboo - it needs that distinctive title and position once again.