Key to Good Marriage? Share Housework - children no longer as important

[House of Light]

[QUOTE=tygerkittn;98509]OK, what about people who HAVE children? Strangers walk up and say "Wow, don't you know what's causing it?" etc, we're made to feel guilty about using up more than our fair share of resources, overpopulating the planet, etc,






Yep. We have this problem. We have 5 kids, and most people think that is insane. Some people will ask, "How many do you plan on having?" (like it is any of their business), but dh will smile and respond, "We haven't planned on any yet."

My dearest girlfriend in the world is a homeschooling mom of 8. She was ushering her kids back into their suburban at a gas station, and some lady made a U turn and came back and yelled at her......something to the extent of, "YOU KNOW, THERE ARE WAYS OF PREVENTING THOSE!" Yes, the kids heard.

[tygerkittn]

I believe that the most important part of a marriege is God. Than the husband and wife and then then the children. That being said, I have four children, and the reactions I get from poeple are unbelievable. People will really come up to me and ask me WHY I have four kids! you should see the looks my husband and I get when we go out. Most of the time I just laugh it off, but some days it really gets on my nerves. I think having more than one child if any is very rare these days. It could be financial (thats why we didn't have more than four) and thats understandable. It is just as much of a life chioce to have kids (and how many) to not have them.

We get that all the time. And there's so much pressure to make them behave perfectly ALL the time when we're out, if they raise their voices in the grocery store we get a gaggle of old ladies giving me dirty looks! Every stranger in the street feels perfectly comfortable stopping to ask me if we're going to have any more. I think anyone who does things differently, whether it's be a Christian or have a lot of kids, is treated as an outsider. Anyone can be saved, but not everyone chooses to, anyone can have kids, either natural or adopted, but not everyone chooses too, yet some of those who choose not to seem to be resentful, even though it was their choice. It's not a "have your cake and eat it to" thing, it's "well, we don't want any cake so you shouldn't have any either."
My niece has four kids, I have six, you should see the looks we get when we go out together! It's wonderful though, I love the house full of laughter and toys and listening in on their games, they say the funniest things when they don't realize I'm listening.

[Betty]

I don't believe every one has to have kids. We had two because we wanted children, but some people don't feel called to have children and that is their right.
As far as house work, I did everything including yard work when hubby was working because he was working 60 hours plus a week. Now he is retired and he helps me in the kitchen and folds and puts clothes on the hanger. We are both handicapped now and we find working together is bringing us closer.
What I find sad, is the numbers of women having children outside of marriage. This to me is heartbreaking that women are bringing children into one parent homes on purpose. I am not talking about divorce. I am talking about women who choose to get pregnant but do not like the father enough to marry him.
This is sad.

[House of Light]

My girlfriend gets together with two other homeschool moms. In total, they have 24 kids. She said last time, they took them out to eat at a restaurnaunt......boy did people give them looks.

[sophie]

Maybe the poll should have gone further and asked WHY kids were so low on the totem pole. I can think of several reasons why couples don't birth:

#1 Finances - Especially with the job market the way it's been, you can no longer plan on sticking with the same company for 20-30 years until you retire. Many jobs are paying less. To get higher paying jobs you almost need a Masters now as a BA degree is kind of no big deal any more. It takes MONEY to raise a family. When I married my husband, I knew his Diabetes and neuropathy would eventually have him retire. Two years later, that's just what happened. He gets a pension, but it's not much. I am the sole breadwinner. Would I contemplate having and raising a child/children on the pittance I bring in? No!

#2 Rotten Childhoods - if you have one, you can be scared of inflicting the same emotional scars on them that were inflicted on you so you choose not to, for fear you'll be a bad parent.

#3 Family History of mental illness - nuf said

I don't think anyone should judge couples that don't have children. My hat goes off to those that have the courage and stamina and the finances to do so. But I learned long ago, the hard way, you can not know a person's history and how that may influence their current actions.

[adam423]

[QUOTE=tygerkittn;98509]
Yep. We have this problem. We have 5 kids, and most people think that is insane. Some people will ask, "How many do you plan on having?" (like it is any of their business), but dh will smile and respond, "We haven't planned on any yet."

My dearest girlfriend in the world is a homeschooling mom of 8. She was ushering her kids back into their suburban at a gas station, and some lady made a U turn and came back and yelled at her......something to the extent of, "YOU KNOW, THERE ARE WAYS OF PREVENTING THOSE!" Yes, the kids heard.

How awful for her!

We have four children. My life is a little different because when our last two were small, we decided that my husband would become a stay at home dad while I worked. I had the professional job and financially it didn't make sense for him to work and pay a sitter. So many people think it is odd and have made comments. But this works out for our family.

Now, I've just started homeschooling. My two oldest are on their own and my two youngest are in 6th and 8th grades. One woman I work with asked me if I was becoming a hippie! I had to laugh. :lol2

My life works for me, my husband and I agree that this is best for our children. Oh by the way, my husband does all the cooking and the majority of the cleaning (I don't like the way he washes clothes!).

[Aneriz]

Most couples are in the same predicament: They both need to work to support a standard of living. What begs the question is: Who is going to have the children then? The independently wealthy? The ones whose Uncle Ed died and left a hefty bank account to?

I know many couples struggle with this issue. My answer is: Trust God. If you don't desire children, that is fine. If you do, pray that God will provide along the way.

My husband and I have no relatives near by and we both worked. When our first child came we prayed and taking a leap of faith I stayed home. We went thru a period of "skeleton budget", measuring every penny. Not long after that my husband got a big promotion. Still, not the same as 2 incomes, but we saw His faithfulness.

Then we had 2 more children and the needs changed. Now we needed not just a bit more income, but also for both of us to spend time with them. We also needed a better envioronment to raise them. It took a few years off praying and seeking. Sure enough, the Lord provided my husband with a good paying job in a wonderful town and he works from home several days a week. There is always oe of us with the children and I get to go out and work a couple days a week. I know our needs might change in the future but I have NO DOUBT our God will provide then too.

It takes time, creative thinking, a lot of organization and total dependance on God, but if you desire children the answer is YES, it can be done.
Don't give it up just because you can't see ahead, just pray. God is faithful.:nod

"Children are a blessing from the Lord."

[Aneriz]

OH yes, I realize the thread is not about havign children but after reading so many posts I forgot!